careful what you wish for
Remember that thing I was saying about never being happy? I now have another great example of that. I am seriously driving myself nuts here. For the past two years I’ve done nothing but whine about how mindless my job is. (With the caveat, of course, that I know it is a very good job [...]
oh don’t worry, the rambling will come later i’m sure
I’ve decided not to ramble about this too much at this point…suffice to say something good (nay, incredible) appears to be happening for me at work and somehow in the midst of shock and excitement I’ve managed to become incredibly…terrified. Of what, you might ask? Failure. Being exposed as a dummy. General sucking. (Oh and [...]
something’s gotta give
I hate needles. I mean, I really hate them. I spent pretty much the first twenty-two years of my life avoiding them whenever possible (i.e. all but one time when I was about thirteen or so and I pretty much had a panic attack afterwards). Now, of course, I can’t avoid them, but even after [...]
these conversations always play out differently in my head
I don’t want to be that person anymore. You know the one I’m talking about. The one who is never happy with what she has going on today. The one who is always looking ahead. The one who is always thinking, if only…[fill in the blank]…then I could be really happy. Years ago, when I [...]
chew half an am.bien to loosen up the tongue
I guess this has become pretty obvious already but, let’s just put it out there: I have writer’s block. Although that’s not totally true since I have done a bit of writing, it’s just all ended up being deleted for the reason of sucking. I guess the main issue is that I don’t know what [...]
pill poppin’
Since I’m clearly having difficulty forming a post with actual points and paragraphs and whatnot, I thought I’d go ahead and post my new med schedule! My life sort of revolves around medication and food (i.e. whether medication should be taken with or without) which is nice in the sense that everything is very regimented. [...]
planting season
I have all these posts saved as draft from the past couple weeks. My thoughts and feelings are still sort of all over the place – sad, thankful, bitter, angry, positive, resigned, and my meds are making me crazy moody on top of it. Isn’t my husband such a lucky man? (And trust me, you [...]
still here
I didn’t mean to leave things on such a depressing note. Last week was just nuts, went to my parents city every day and it made me REALLY thankful that we ended up finding a place in the city. And I am still feeling generally unwell but I am feeling better, so cheers to that. [...]
struck down, not destroyed
When I’m not sitting in front of the computer I’m writing all these great posts in my head about how grateful I am. How thankful I am for the things that are good in my life. Because despite it all, yes, there are still good things. Maybe this shouldn’t be the first thing on my [...]
processing
I wanted to make this post a good one. Positive. Grateful. Optimistic. But I just can’t right now. Today was not a bad day. I woke up to a lovely breakfast of truffle crab ramen noodles. Picked up some organic fruits from the farmer’s market down the street. Mocked hubby relentlessly for his resuable shopping [...]