trying to try

I hadn’t realized how long it’s been since I last wrote here.  It’s cliche, I know, but so much has happened and really nothing at all has happened.

I saw Dr. Kidney again and it only served to reinforce the idea that we will probaby not be having anymore biological children.  It isn’t something I have entirely accepted yet.  I continue to pray that somehow there will be miraculous healing.  

I’m grasping at straws I know.  I’m looking into various diets and exercise regimens to try and “take control” of this disease – when let’s just face it – how does that work?  Can this fucking disease even be controlled?  Nonetheless, I know something needs to change in my life.  I’ve been feeling progressively more run down as the months past and all I know is that I want to remember what it feels like to feel *good* again.  I’m not even sure what that means.  

Looking into Paleo but have decided I need a dietitian involved so that I don’t fall down into some crazy woo hole so I’m working on that right now.  

I’m just tired.  I just want to be easy.  And it’s so not easy.  And I’m thankful for my TT but it doesn’t take the pain away of wainting just one more pregnancy, one more miracle.  

One comment

  1. P says:

    I hear you. I so hear you. The pain, the anger, the resentment, the gratitude but wishing for things to Aren’t we due? Huge hugs.