Despite my silence, life is definitely happening.<\/p>\n
Except, of course, the one thing that I really, really<\/em> want to happen.<\/p>\n That?<\/p>\n Not so much.<\/p>\n But,\u00c2\u00a0what we are having is\u00c2\u00a0another round of cuts at work.\u00c2\u00a0 That’s always unbelievable fun right?\u00c2\u00a0 This time felt even worse than the previous one(s) since someone I’ve worked with pretty closely since I started (I even interviewed with him!) was let go.<\/p>\n And it’s funny because I’ve FINALLY gotten my butt into gear and started to actually schedule some acupuncture consults\/initial treatments and yesterday I finally used this grou.pon that I bought back at the beginning of the year\u00c2\u00a0and had a\u00c2\u00a0consult\/mini-treatment..and…part of the reason I actually felt so motivated is because of how stressed out I’ve been lately.\u00c2\u00a0 Over work…and being overworked.\u00c2\u00a0 Two weeks ago I started “backing up” a fourth person who moved out from the mothership and while I appreciate the confidence that they must have in me to have me support so many peoples’ business…it’s…a…lot.\u00c2\u00a0 Like a freaking lot.\u00c2\u00a0 I’ve literally only had time to go get myself lunch ONE day this week so far out of four.\u00c2\u00a0 Since two of my team members are out again tomorrow, my guess is I won’t be able to tomorrow either, but we’ll see.<\/p>\n I have to time my bathroom breaks.\u00c2\u00a0 People are always asking me for shit.\u00c2\u00a0 Every. Fucking. Minute.\u00c2\u00a0 Of. The. Day.<\/p>\n For eleven hours.<\/p>\n I wake up in the middle of the night thinking about work.\u00c2\u00a0 I think about work on Saturday mornings.\u00c2\u00a0 Mostly I’m thinking about how I’m not learning fast enough and need to read more and omg what if people start to question why I don’t know more than I do after nine months?!<\/p>\n And then I breathe into a paper bag for awhile (oh and this past Saturday morning\u00c2\u00a0in particular,\u00c2\u00a0I strongly considered taking one of the anti-anxiety pills they gave me at the hospital last year but eventually decided against it since I really didn’t want to see what fun side effect might come along with shoving yet another pill into my system).<\/p>\n And I realized while I was thinking about all this that I’m a very tightly wound person by nature.\u00c2\u00a0 I am easily irritated.\u00c2\u00a0 Even by the little things.\u00c2\u00a0 Maybe, especially by the little things.\u00c2\u00a0 And I’m pretty sure my job is only aggravating that lovely trait because I look around me and everyone I work with is sort of the same way.\u00c2\u00a0 I guess because\u00c2\u00a0it’s our job to make sure things are done perfectly and um, well, life is the opposite of perfect.<\/p>\n When I told my friend this morning that I need to be more zen-like and calm, he told me, “If you’re looking for relaxing you’re in the wrong industry.”\u00c2\u00a0 I’m not discounting other peoples stress at all, but I’m pretty sure that there aren’t that many jobs where you feel more <\/em>constant pressure (other than military and those who are dealing with peoples’ lives).\u00c2\u00a0 There’s a lot of money at stake and things are usually moving very quickly.\u00c2\u00a0 A small mistake can cost the firm a lot of money (client’s too, but that usually also ends up costing the firm money when the client gets pissed and stops doing business with us).\u00c2\u00a0 And as the person in the middle, you have no real power, but you will get all the blame from both sides.\u00c2\u00a0 Part of our job (and yes, we are paid pretty well for it) is simply to absorb a ton of abuse and think of ways to circumvent the abuse by minimizing everyone else’s mistakes by anticipating said mistakes and somehow preventing them.<\/p>\n You have to be “on” all the time, just in case.\u00c2\u00a0 And\u00c2\u00a0when you actually have to physically leave the desk to, God forbid,\u00c2\u00a0pee,\u00c2\u00a0if someone needs you while you’re off,\u00c2\u00a0that’s your fault.\u00c2\u00a0 Bodily functions are not an acceptable excuse.\u00c2\u00a0 ‘Cause you should have been there.<\/p>\n …<\/p>\n So I was thinking, I’m essentially I’m a person with a disease that is aggravated by stress in a job where I will be stressed out by default.<\/p>\n Is that smart?<\/p>\n I’m thinking probably not.<\/p>\n But, I really can’t afford to not have a job or even take a lower paying one so…I’m completely stuck.\u00c2\u00a0 I was wondering if I’d view being let go as a sign from God, I think I would have, but I definitely am thankful that I wasn’t.<\/p>\n I just need to overcome my stress.\u00c2\u00a0 Which is why I’m looking into acupuncture.<\/p>\n Hopefully this way I can keep my job (which I actually do like when I look beyond running around like a chicken with my head cut off for eleven hours straight and waking up at 4am) and not give myself a massive flare when I try to taper eventually….<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Despite my silence, life is definitely happening. Except, of course, the one thing that I really, really want to happen. That? Not so much. But,\u00c2\u00a0what we are having is\u00c2\u00a0another round of cuts at work.\u00c2\u00a0 That’s always unbelievable fun right?\u00c2\u00a0 This time felt even worse than the previous one(s) since someone I’ve worked with pretty closely […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-334","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-the-grind"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/transcended.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/334","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/transcended.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/transcended.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/transcended.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/transcended.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=334"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/transcended.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/334\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/transcended.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=334"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/transcended.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=334"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/transcended.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=334"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}