Still waiting for my boys to return. The little one is sick apparently and wants his mommy.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I am really done with this alone time. I\u2019ve come to realize, I don\u2019t need or prefer it. I am better when I\u2019m a wife and a mother. When I can focus on the people I love, instead of the dark crevices of my subconscious, which I don\u2019t love.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When I am alone for too long, disturbing images creep into my mind. I do things like imagine myself dead in the shower. And the thing is, I\u2019m not suicidal, not at all. My life is a good life, being a wife and a mother give me ample reason to want to see what tomorrow brings. But when I\u2019m alone, my mind just wanders to the idea of being dead. Like what if I could close my eyes and stop existing? Just not be here anymore, and be nothing instead?
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I don\u2019t know if that\u2019s normal. Probably not.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It\u2019s just where my mind goes when it has too much space to wander. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Still waiting for my boys to return. The little one is sick apparently and wants his mommy. I am really done with this alone time. I\u2019ve come to realize, I don\u2019t need or prefer it. I am better when I\u2019m a wife and a mother. When I can focus on the people I love, instead […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-855","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-navel-gazing"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/transcended.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/855","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/transcended.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/transcended.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/transcended.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/transcended.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=855"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/transcended.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/855\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":856,"href":"http:\/\/transcended.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/855\/revisions\/856"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/transcended.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=855"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/transcended.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=855"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/transcended.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=855"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}