something’s gotta give
I hate needles. I mean, I really hate them. I spent pretty much the first twenty-two years of my life avoiding them whenever possible (i.e. all but one time when I was about thirteen or so and I pretty much had a panic attack afterwards). Now, of course, I can’t avoid them, but even after [...]
bad day
I’m swollen and my meds are making me sick in new, fun ways. Ironically, I look pregnant. I’m so uncomfortable and normally I can get myself through the bad days by feeling like there is some sort of light at the end of the tunnel. For some reason, this time I’m having a harder time [...]
processing
I wanted to make this post a good one. Positive. Grateful. Optimistic. But I just can’t right now. Today was not a bad day. I woke up to a lovely breakfast of truffle crab ramen noodles. Picked up some organic fruits from the farmer’s market down the street. Mocked hubby relentlessly for his resuable shopping [...]
everything falls
Where do I begin? Do I start with all the small, good things I have found the ability to be thankful for? Do I begin with the feeling of complete and utter failure and disappointment in my body? Or do I talk about how I’m not sure anymore what to do next. I suppose I [...]
endure
I just wanted to say, I’m having a really hard time processing everything that’s going on right now. I am so tired. I’m physically uncomfortable. I’m on the precipice of falling into a dark, dingy, pit of depression. It’s literally hard to breath sometimes (which by the way, is scary as hell). Thank God that [...]
the one where I end up in the ER
On the BART today, on my way to my regularly scheduled bi-monthly doc appt, I was mulling over a post about bitterness. It was going to be great. It’s still something I’m probably going to write about at some point because I find it absolutely fascinating. It’s completely useless and yet so many have mastered [...]
you need a constant for the scientific method right?
Lately I feel incapable of putting thoughts into words. There are moments when I feel it’s fair to blame the brain fog, but mostly I think I’ve just lost the ability to think creatively. Or to think. Period. Why will life not hold itself constant so that I can figure things out? I am stressed. [...]
no mas
At this point I’ve pretty much given up on doing any meaningful studying before my test. I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I will literally be the most unprepared person on the whole planet who is taking this test (an actual accomplish-able feat since everyone in the world takes the test on the same [...]
expressing self-hatred in several forms
So the start to my weeklong staycation has gone even worse than I imagined. Amount of studying accomplished? Nil. None. Zero. Maybe even less than that. My excuse (and it is, mostly an excuse because none of this actually precludes me from studying) is that I am in pain. Not the most excruciating pain I’ve [...]
ugh
Big sigh of relief. We FINALLY received final approval yesterday and are set to close as scheduled on Wednesday. Work was sort of crazy yesterday for various reasons, a lot of which was related to me trying to clean everything up before my one week “vacation.” It sucks because I REALLY need this time off [...]