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Love With Food May 2013 Review

the wingless one / May 10, 2013 / No comments

I got a notification early this morning that my Love With Food box had shipped so I was surprised when I checked the status later in the morning and saw that it was out for delivery!

The theme this month is Mother’s Day Breakfast in Bed and there were eight items included:

Great Full Cookie from The Cookie Department, Inc.: Paul saw that it was a vegan cookie and immediately declared he wanted no part of this cookie.

Strawberry Preserves from Bonne Maman: Planning to use this on my next pbj sandwich.

Hand Drip Coffee from Caffe Borsa: I’m not much a coffee drinker but Paul should enjoy this if it’s any good.

Original Cajun Seasoning from “Slap Ya Mama”: Paul said he’s been meaning to try this so this works out perfectly!

Tomato Crunch from Snapz Crisps: This seemed a bit out of place in a breakfast box but could be interesting.

Authentic Almond Biscotti from Biscotti Bari: Unlike the vegan cookie, Paul claimed dibs on this right off the bat.

Latte Candy from Bali’s Best: Nothin’ bad about coffee flavored candy in my mind.

Mystery Item: Coconut Almond Crunch by Mrs. May’s Naturals: This is the only thing we’ve tried so far, Paul ate it as part of his dinner and even deigned to let me have one. We’ve bought the regular almond crunch flavor before from TJ’s so there was no real surprise here but it was tasty.

I was really looking forward to this box because I love trying new food/snacks and I don’t know if I just got myself too hyped up but I found myself a little disappointed by this box. Don’t get me wrong, everything in it will likely be eaten and enjoyed well enough, but I was really hoping for at least one item to love and I don’t see that happening (although maybe the latte candy? or the seasoning?).

That said, I got this box for $2 with a coupon code so I can’t really complain. Normally the box is $10+2 shipping so I think I’ll give it another chance since that still only comes out to $7/month (yes I’m a nerd and am thinking of it in terms of the dollar cost average).

If you’re interested in trying out the box (because I did such a great job of selling it, right? lol can you believe I do this for a living?), please use my referral code!

Category: Reviews /

odds and ends, return of the bullet points

the wingless one / May 8, 2013 / No comments

T will be four months old tomorrow. He is starting to outgrow his 3mo clothes and grow into his 6mo. *sob* My baby!! I missed a three month post for him but I do plan on writing one for four months because dangit, he has been growing by leaps and bounds and I need to document it!

My cousin-in-law B had a chemical pregnancy last month. It was their first month trying so it’s probably just one of those things, but I still always get sad/worried when I hear about things like that. I hope it was just a fluke and they get their sticky baby soon. T needs a cousin to play with! It will be weird when my baby cuz is a daddy though…

The cat has been pooping in inappropriate places. I’m not sure if this is just older sibling syndrome kicking in or if she needs to take a trip to the vet. If it’s the latter, I have no idea how I’m going to lug a 12.5lb baby and a 22lb cat to the vet by myself.

WARRIORS!! T was our lucky charm tonight. ‘Nuff said!

T has his first home visit with this development program our NICU referred us to. Another reason I love our NICU, I don’t think he qualified for the program, strictly speaking, because it’s meant for micro-preemies who are at higher risk but because of some of the issues he had in the NICU the head of the NICU referred him anyway, and as our social worker said, they do whatever Dr. S tells them to, so he is getting a visit tomorrow. I think if we weren’t having regular visits with my cousin-in-law B I’d be a little more worried but since she’s been hanging out with us weekly and seems to think he’s fine, I’m hoping for no surprises tomorrow. (B is a pediatric physical therapist).

I finally set an official return date for my leave. June 17th. I can write an entire post about how this is making me feel.

Category: Baby T, motherhood, Navel gazing, NICU /

Stork Stack May 2013 Review

the wingless one / May 7, 2013 / No comments

Nothing new, but I’ve been having a bit of writer’s block lately.

Actually more like finishing-a-post block, but the result has been the same -> no posts.

So I thought I’d get myself back in the groove with something easy like a review!

A couple weeks ago I finally discovered the subscription box craze and went a little nuts. I found a bunch of coupon codes and decided to try every box that looked interesting that I could get a code for.

Ever since then I’ve been waiting anxiously for the boxes to start arriving and I finally got the first one today – Stork Stack! Extra points for arriving early in the month!

I’ll be honest, I peaked at a bunch of reviews before it came so I already knew the possibilities for what could be in the box (I think it ships from the midwest so I got mine fairly late versus people who live closer to the point of origin).

North American Bear Co. Two-Dees Animals ($16): I thought it was a bunny but it’s actually a puppy. It’s super soft even if I don’t personally think it’s cute in the traditional sense. It’s weird though because it kind of grows on me every time I look at it. I gave it to T while he was hungry and he kept trying to eat it so I’m thinking I should throw it in the wash before I let him at it.

Rubbabu Educational Ball ($6.95): I feel pretty ambivalent about this. Maybe T will enjoy it when he’s older but right now it’s too big and heavy for him to hold. Not sure why this was in a box for a four month old.

Child’s Play Wee Willie Winkie board book ($4.99): Great book for a newborn, I’m always amazed that such a little baby actually seems to enjoy being read to. He really seemed to like looking at the pictures. It’s not a book I would have thought to buy on my own but I’m glad it was included in the box.

Stephen Joseph Reusable Snack Bags ($6.99): It comes in a two-pack and they’re top-rack safe, which is nice. Paul was wondering why we would use these instead of regular old ziploc’s and I tend to agree but since we have them I think we’ll use them and take a stab at being a little bit green when we can. Like the ball I don’t really think this fits in a newborn box, though.

Credible Cravings Chocolate ($3.00): This is a chocolate bar geared towards women, before, during and after pregnancy (isn’t that every woman?). I was hoping for the Deep Steep Moisture Stick that other people mentioned but I guess I don’t really need more beauty-ish items for myself. I’m guessing this bar will probably be something I’ll like well enough but not purchase on its own. And at least it won’t be sitting around in my bathroom unused either.

Overall, I think the box was a good deal considering I had a coupon code for $10 off, making it $17.99 for almost $40 worth of stuff. Compared to the reviews for other months I didn’t *love* the box but I’m thinking of giving it another month or two to see if they can really hit one of these months out of the park and get me hooked.

If you sign up, use my referral code and we’ll each get $10 off!

Update 5/9/13: I was wrong about the Credible Cravings bar, did not like it at all and ended up taking two bites and tossing it. But I’m seriously liking the North American Bear Co. puppy more and more, it really is perfect for a newborn because it’s so light it’s easy for him to hold and he keeps wanting to put it in his mouth.

Category: Reviews /

panic attacks

the wingless one / April 17, 2013 / One comment

I’ve started so many posts and finished none of them. I guess I’m feeling a bit stuck lately. Anxious, actually.

My leave is technically over. I requested an extension but the insurance company has yet to approve it and it’s been over two weeks. I spoke with my contact there today and he said it’s under final review with his supervisor which for some reason is making me nervous that it will be rejected. I’m not really sure what happens if I get rejected since I’ve been out this whole time?

I was hoping that once (if) it got approved I could talk to my HR about taking the two weeks of California’s Paid Family Leave that I have left over. Since our office in CA is tiny and they’re more used to dealing with NY state rules, I’m sure they’re not familiar with it and will have to look into it but I’m pretty sure I do still have those two weeks, it might just look bad at how long I’m attempting to extend my leave. Especially since I still want to use the four weeks of vacation at the end of it.

Is it obvious that I’m having a hard time thinking about going back to work?

Adding to my anxiety is that my state disability claim is still pending processing. I should probably call to follow up because the website says it takes 7-9 days processing (and I submitted it over a month and a half ago) but the social worker at the hospital did mention it can take up to 10 weeks or more. Plus the one time I tried to call a recorded message informed me that there were already too many people holding and hung up on me.

Sigh.

I just wish I could stay home with my baby.

T is smiling real smiles now and working on his laugh. He definitely wants to and has the first “HA” down but can’t quite figure out how to finish it off.

Honestly before he started with the smiling I wondered if he was a happy baby, I couldn’t tell because it felt like all he did was cry, fuss or quietly stare. Now he smiles all the time and it just melts my heart to know that he really is a happy boy. I love that I’ve gotten to see him change bit by bit, day by day and I really can’t imagine having to leave him for so many hours every day and missing all that.

Category: Baby T, motherhood, Navel gazing /

falling short

the wingless one / April 1, 2013 / 2 comments

I think we all have ideals for ourselves of what we will and will not do when we become parents.

I consider myself to be a fairly nonjudgemental person when it comes to how others want to parent but, as I’m sure everyone does, I have seen techniques employed by friends and family and said to myself, “I’d never do that” or “I hope I can imitate that!”

One thing I’m sure every parent can agree on, is that parenthood? Boy is it humbling.

And the reality is that while it’s great to have an idea of the things you do and don’t want to do, I’ve learned that 99% of the time it’s just not that simple.

For example, we registered for and received an Arm’s Reach Co-Sleeper (thanks lil sis!). I had visions of the ease of being able to reach over, grab the baby in the middle of the night, nurse and pop him back into his co-sleeper. I mean really, what could be simpler right?

Of course, it hasn’t worked out this way for a number of reasons, one of which being that my letdown is too strong so I can’t nurse T without burping him, which means the whole production of sitting up and rocking and patting and usually ends with T being fully awake and needing to be soothed back to sleep and then promptly waking up again the moment he’s placed back into his co-sleeper.

Sigh.

There are actually a whole host of other reasons that feeding him inevitably turns into a minimum 30-45 minute debacle at night which pretty much destroyed my dream of how amazingly easy and awesome the co-sleeper would make life.

But that’s not the point. My point was supposed to be (although I completely failed to make it) that I always said I would never co-sleep with a baby in my bed. There would be no reason right? We were getting a co-sleeper!

Yeah, about that…

T does not seem to love his co-sleeper. He can be passed out in our arms or in his new bouncer (which he looves but unfortunately I have stood firm on not letting him sleep overnight in it since he seems to slide down the chair into dangerous positions) but once we put him in his co-sleeper it takes about two minutes for him to start fussing and another three for the crying to begin. At 3am it’s hard to be firm about leaving him where he is and trying to soothe him with patting or continually replacing the pacifier into his mouth.

So, in the quest for sleep, there has been a baby in our bed the past few nights despite all the AAP warnings against it and my own firm belief that I would never do something so dangerous as sleep with my baby. All things equal, I came to the conclusion that it is safer for my baby to have a semi-rested mama caring for him than a sleep-deprived, frustrated, arthritic one that has stayed up all night trying to get him to sleep in his co-sleeper.

There’s also the added bonus that he actually seems to sleep 100x better snuggled up next to me and has been a much happier baby as a result.

I don’t let him sleep next to Paul because that man rolls like crazy and has been known to squash me once in awhile.

I’ve also been rebelling against the AAP recommendation to only put babies to sleep on their back. The kiddo hates tummy time with every fiber of his tiny body. He also doesn’t nap well during the day because he generally does not like to be swaddled when the sun is out and then proceeds to startle himself every thirty minutes or so. So Paul and I finally decided to try to kill two birds with one stone and let him nap on his tummy during the day, as long as I’m awake and watching him. We’re hoping he’ll sleep deeper and also create a positive association with being on his tummy because Paul is terrified that he will fall behind developmentally and there goes his Stanford basketball scholarship =P

Also, funny enough, he will sleep on his tummy in his co-sleeper. So maybe at some point we will just have him do that at night. I figure once he can roll on his own that would make it the safest of the options that lead to sleep for us and him.

I guess in the years to come I’ll have plenty of opportunities to give up my own expectations of myself in pursuit of sanity so I better just get used to it now. Like I said, parenting is humbling!

Category: motherhood, Navel gazing /

my world is all about bo.obs these days

the wingless one / March 27, 2013 / 5 comments

I want to preface this post by saying, I have absolutely nothing against breastfeeding in public. In fact, I did it for the very first time last Sunday and it was great, I was on a bench with a lovely view of the bay and I kid you not that a sea lion swam by to entertain us as I nursed on a bench with my friend who was also nursing her daughter.

But I would never, ever, ever nurse in public without a cover. I feel like the hardcore breastfeeding-in-public crowd confuses modesty with shame and the two are not the same even if they can lead to the same outcome. The outcome being not flashing my breastses (pronounced breast-eh-stes) to the world.

I’m certainly not ashamed that I breastfeed, I’m not sure why I would be given that society nowadays pushes the whole “breast is best” thing way beyond the limits of what research has actually proven, in fact, I was actually fearful of judgement that time I whipped out a bottle of expressed milk in a cafe to feed T and I tried in vain to telepathically inform all the eyes that I felt were judging me, “it’s expressed breast milk, I swear!” BUT being proud (or even just neutral) that I breastfeed does not seem to me to be a great reason to suddenly become an exhibitionist flashing my nips in every Banana Republic (true story, I once saw a woman nursing cover-less in the middle of a BR in downtown) or showing off a ginormous nip.ple as I walk down a Miami promenade in the middle of the day with an infant hanging off it (but who’s mouth wasn’t big enough to cover it because it was so damn huge) (also a true story, I saw this, I was eating, it kind of ruined my appetite just a little bit, I don’t care if this makes me a prude).

I read a comment somewhere and this woman was downright appalled and angry at her family, who were “sooo backwards” that they asked if she could cover up when she whipped out her bo.ob in the middle of like Thanksgiving dinner or something and started nursing in plain view of all her cousins, uncles, I’m assuming her father and maybe grandfather? I just don’t get why you would WANT to do that, even if you can, which yes, you technically can, but then shouldn’t you be prepared for all your hormonal fifteen year old nephews to be whipping out their iPhone cameras and er…ew…just ew?

I feel like I am probably in the majority here, since I know a lot of women who breastfeed/have breastfed and I have no idea what any of their nip.ples look like, but I feel like with this new generation of “lactivists” there’s this small segment of the population that seems to be demanding that breasts no longer be viewed as sexual objects but rather just food dispensers, like the pez ones with Donald Duck on top. The problem with this is that they aren’t just for feeding, they have a legitimate role as sexual objects too. Even though my own at the moment aren’t looking so hot, more like veiny and disproportionate, but they actually do look pretty good when I’m actually wearing a bra and a shirt (this does not happen often anymore though).

So while breastfeeding in public should be and I’m going to go out on a limb and say that it is seen as 100% acceptable, I think it is just as acceptable to expect that women who nurse in public use a cover, particularly if they’re in an area where there may be hormonal teenage boys. You may think, well teenage boys should learn that these are merely baby feeders, but in the same breath you should also tell yourself that communism works in theory because that’s about as far as you’re going to get with that.

In closing, breastfeeding is great. Breastfeeding in public, also great. But there’s no reason to throw modesty out the window just because breastfeeding is great. Besides, they make cute nursing covers nowadays and you can probably get one for free if you google promo codes for udder covers. You’re welcome.

Category: Navel gazing /

pushing and pulling

the wingless one / March 25, 2013 / One comment

This thing with my mom is turning into a ridiculously epic power struggle.

Her problem is that when it comes to T, I get to make the decisions and she’s quite confident that I’m doing it (i.e. everything) wrong.

So even though I know in my head that I should be over the moon grateful that she’s willing to help out by taking the absolute worst shift with a newborn baby, I end up acting like a sour, angry teenager every time I see her.

The ridiculous arguments she insists on picking with me don’t make the situation feel any less like junior high.

For example tonight we got into an argument about whether or not T should have a night light in his room. I say, yes, I mean I think most children in this country have a night light to keep the bogeymen away right? She thinks it’s going to cause childhood insomnia and is the reason that T doesn’t want to fall asleep tonight. (Nevermind that he fell asleep just fine with it every other night).

Also tonight I informed her that T must be having a growth spurt because from 10am on he ate every 2 hours until 6pm at which time he started feeding every hour. She replied in Chinese, something along the lines of, “That’s unacceptable, what are the grown ups (watching him) supposed to do?”

Um…deal with it? If the baby is having a growth spurt and hungry, you feed him. It doesn’t matter if it’s every 2 hours, every hour or every 15 minutes. I’m not understanding what her philosophy even is in this situation. Let him be short?

The Type A personality in me is having a really tough time with this arrangement because I feel like her lack of respect for my mothering choices leads to her kind of winging it and doing it in ways she think are better but that I don’t agree with. I’m not some crazy attachment parent who believes babies should always be held and never, ever cry for a single second, but I also don’t think I want my newborn baby crying it out when all he really wants is to be fed, changed, or held. And yes, I do count his need to be held as a legitimate need and something that I should respond to. But all I hear from my parents (even my dad is in on this part of it) that I’m spoiling him by holding him too much.

I feel terrible about what a little shit I’m being towards my mom but I can’t spend every night arguing about what I’m doing and what makes sense and why. I just want to be a mom. And I want the person who’s helping me out with that endeavor to go along with what I’ve already decided. Non-judgemental advice is more than welcome but without any obligation to use it. None of that I’m going to get from my mom.

I have a feeling that before this week is over there will be tears.

Category: Baby T, Navel gazing /

settling in

the wingless one / March 24, 2013 / No comments

The long-awaited haircut unfortunately did not come to pass. Alas, they were all booked up until next Saturday. But I did get to eat a delicious bowl of ramen (with pork belly!) and a green tea ice cream crepe so all was not lost.

My hair though, is still ridiculously long, untamebly tangled, riddled with split ends and has the tendency to fall over my shoulder into T’s face when I’m nursing him. So it still has to go. I’m thinking somewhere cheap and close, it doesn’t have to be a stylish haircut, just one that ends with all my dead ends in a pile on the floor and my hair short enough (but not too short, no “mom” haircut for me thank you!) that I can pull it into a pony tail without having to comb through miles of tangles for half an hour first.

All in all, though, I had a pretty great weekend. On Friday, Paul and I braved happy hour at a trendy, high-end Japanese restaurant in SoMa. I was craving nigiri like nobody’s business and we knew this place had tables with big bench seats that could easily accommodate a car seat so we headed over as early as we could and luckily there were still plenty of those tables left in the bar area when we arrived! T slept quietly the whole time like the little cherub that he is (and yes we did get a comment from the waitress – “Your baby is so good!”) while we chowed down on happy hour snacks, rolls, nigiri and drinks. Since I knew I had some time til I needed to nurse him again I ordered something called the Giddy Geisha – lychee and passionfruit vodka concoction – and it was everything I hoped it would be.

Yesterday we made our way to J-town. Once again at a restaurant (albeit at a totally off-peak hour – 3pm – to minimize the crowd we would have to deal with) and once again we got a comment, this time from a fellow diner, about how good and quiet our baby is.

Today we finally went to this farmer’s market we used to go to literally every weekend. We met up with our friend’s T & V and their new little one, Baby O who is two weeks younger than Titus, but was supposed to be one day older based on their due dates. Except they both decided to come early! Titus just came the earliest so he gets to be the oldest now. It was a gorgeous sunny day and it was so much fun talking to V about what life is like now for us as new mommies. The only downside is that we ended up sitting in the sun for a few hours and even though I was busy shielding T from the sun, I didn’t even think at all about how it would affect me until I got home and realized I’m totally sunburned.

Crap.

I hope those couple hours of carefree fun in the sun don’t result in a crappy lupus flare.

Please, please, please…just be a sunburn and nothing more. I don’t have the luxury of getting really sick right now.

Speaking of which, I finally did a load of my own laundry tonight and am unreasonably excited about the prospect of wearing clothes tomorrow that are not covered in a fine layer of dried breast milk and spit up. And maybe a little pee or something.

Category: Baby T, Navel gazing, The wolf /

Two months

the wingless one / March 23, 2013 / No comments

Dear T,

This letter is a bit overdue but it has been a busy few weeks! You’re getting bigger and cuter (which I didn’t even think was possible!) each and every day. Your hair is getting longer and because you have two swirls at the back of your head instead of one you have this funny little mohawk thing going on! No amount of brushing can get it to lay flat, it’s pretty hilarious, and your dad and I are wondering how it’s going to look when you get older. Your eyelashes have also gotten really long, they’re starting to darken up a bit (they were super light brown when you were born) and they’re naturally curled! Boys always get the most beautiful eyelashes, no fair! Your eyebrows are also no longer blonde, they’re now light brown so it actually looks like you have some!

You’re now over ten pounds – double your birth weight! – and you’ve officially outgrown all your newborn clothes and fit comfortably in 0-3 month things now. At your last pediatrician visit you were 10% for weight and head circumference but only 3% for height. This is all based on your actual age and not adjusting for you being a preemie so, all in all, not bad! We just need to work on getting you to sleep more so you can grow taller!

You’ve started grabbing for things, my hair, your panda rattle, blankets, my shirt…We’re going to have to start keeping a better eye on what we leave in grabbing distance!

Your pediatrician gave you your two month shots this month and once again you were up to your old tricks and amazing all the nurses. You had four big shots, one in your right thigh and three (!) in your left in the span of about a minute. The nurses were shocked when you stopped crying after only a few seconds, they said you were such a tough little boy!

For three weeks, Nanny C was watching you at night and we think she made a lot of progress with you! You have gone from waking up every 2-3 hours to now usually going four, sometimes five hours at a stretch. One time you even went seven hours but that was an outlier so we’re not getting our hopes up too much yet. It does seem like you are trying to wean yourself from your middle of the night feed though because you’ve gone from taking 4oz to only 2-3oz’s consistently at that feed. Your dad and I have decided we’ll slowly start decreasing what you get until hopefully you skip it altogether!

I’m not sure why but you’re still not a fan of tummy time, even though you seem to have decent head control. You get frustrated really quickly and I have to pick you up so you don’t get an aversion to your tummy. Luckily, your Auntie B is a pediatric PT and has been coming to visit us once a week so you’ve been getting some professional tummy time and you like it much better when Auntie B is the one helping you with it. Mommy is picking up some good tips from her and your papa was saying that every parent should have someone like Auntie B to help them!

We’ve transitioned to exclusive nursing for all the feeds with mommy, you only get bottles if papa, grandma or the nanny is feeding you. This is working out pretty well and I’m so glad you don’t fall asleep at the bo.ob all the time anymore so we can nurse as much as we like,

I won’t lie, being a mommy is tough sometimes. I spent thirty years living my life the way I wanted, doing things according to my needs and schedule and it’s been a bit of a shock to have to adjust to doing everything around someone else’s timetable. But I love being your mommy so much and am so thankful for every minute I’m with you. You are truly a blessing and the most amazing gift I could ever ask for.

Love,
Mommy

Category: Baby T /

old life meet new life

the wingless one / March 22, 2013 / 3 comments

With any luck tomorrow we will take a little family trip to J-town, where Paul will attempt to navigate the narrow aisles of the Japanese market with a stroller while I get a haircut.

A badly needed, long overdue haircut.

You see, I haven’t had a haircut since a couple months before I got pregnant, so you do the math on that one.

The week before I had T, I had actually had lunch with a pregnant friend who had just gotten a haircut and made me think, “Hm…I better get one of those before the baby comes.”

But then, of course, before I had a chance to make the appointment, boom. Baby. Came. And now my hair is inconveniently long and scary ratty at the ends (and of course now “the ends” are many inches long) and a pain to wash and an even bigger pain to try and dry. Mainly because all hair washing/drying must be done before the baby starts screaming for…something.

So, yeah, I really, really need a haircut.

Another thing I’m really looking forward to is my first postpartum brazilian. Before getting pregnant I had found a wax-er I loved and was seeing her pretty regularly. When I got pregnant Paul was afraid the wax could somehow be bad for the baby and as I got bigger and bigger I thought it’d be hard to try and contort into some of the positions necessary to get really, erm, clean…So once I found out I was pregnant I stopped going and now my lady bits are just dying to be nicely groomed once more. Unfortunately since my c-section scar is still rather red and sensitive to the touch I probably won’t be getting things in the nether region properly manicured for at least another 4-8 weeks

Any of you new mommies missing stuff like this? Or is it just me.

Category: Navel gazing /

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