I feel better.
A bit sheepish, but you know, I think I needed to put all of that out there. Finally.
Turns out though, I don’t wallow with the same reckless abandon that I used to.
Don’t get me wrong, I wallowed. I wallowed good and hard for several hours.
I cried. A lot. I watched bad made-for-TV movies and teared up during random commercials for unclear reasons.
And then, after How I Married My High School Crush (I still really can’t see Katee Sackhoff as anyone other than Starbuck so it was kind of weird seeing her in this total teeny-bopper rom-com role), I suddenly felt a little bit disgusted with myself.
I looked around the room I’ve barely left since Friday and it was kind of gross. There were used tissues all over the desk, empty vitamin water bottles, remnants of various food items I attempted (and mostly failed) to consume. By that time, the fever was gone but I still felt…sticky.
So I took a shower. I cleaned up. I did some laundry (including the sheets since I’ve hopefully had my last night-time fever for awhile). It’s still messier in here than it usually is (the rule about my surroundings tending to mirror my mental state still holds apparently) but it’s better.
And so am I. For now, anyway.