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It still sounds like some distant year in the far-off future.

Could it really be gone already?

I looked back through my archives and realized that I don’t know if I have ever done a “year-in-review” type post.  Which is really too bad because those certainly could have been interesting reads…

Was 2010 good or bad?  Is it ever possible to sum up 12 months in such black and white terms?  Clearly, 2010 wasn’t my best year in a lot of respects, but I can’t say nothing good happened either.

January: Started the year off with a bang by going under contract for the very first time in a 2+ year search for a home.  Perhaps you may recall that we had an epic fail of an inspection so we backed out immediately.  I’m definitely thankful for the way things turned out because to wake up even 20 minutes earlier when we’re talking about a wake up time with a 3 handle (and yes that’s AM), well, it hurts.  A lot.  In fact, just the thought of it hurts a little right now.  

At the same time this was going on, there was the earthquake in Haiti which really put my own frustrations into perspective.  The earthquake was also a catalyst for Paul and I beginning to seriously talk about adoption as one of our family-building options. 

Find out I passed the CFA L1!

February:  First pregnancy planning consult with Dr. Bigshot who will (hopefully) someday be my high-risk OB.  Was told everything looked good and doc was optimstic that I would be able to taper off and successfully have ourselves a baby!  We went to Vegas the next weekend and when I came back I had an appointment with my rheumy…tests were bad, first appointment with Dr. Kidney scheduled, meds to be increased pending retest and Dr. Kidney’s opinion. Depression ensues.

On the work front, I didn’t get the look on an internal position I thought I would at least be in the running for.  I was upset enough to start seriously looking around but in hindsight (is there anything more useless than hindsight?) it was a good thing because the seat I am in now is a MUCH better fit for me and, in my opinion, a better opportunity.  That’ll teach me to have a little more faith in my managers and the firm – while I was feeling slighted and overlooked my new seat was just in the works. 

I also started volunteer tutoring once a week at a nearby elementary school…it was interesting to be around kids again (since I hadn’t been for about a dozen or so years).   

March:  Continue to feel depressed over health and work.  Then mid-month retest shows normal levels and urine appears sediment free to Dr. Kidney’s expert eyes.  Docs explain the abnormal tests as a bad blood draw and continue tapering based on the new results.  I’m slightly skeptical since my bp was testing higher during that time period which usually means there’s something going on, but I’m not going to question it!

April: Paul and I are thrust into Fledgling Watch 2010, which ends in semi-tragedy when the bird breaks its legs during what I assume was a failed flight attempt and animal control came to take it away to a nice farm upstate where it could recover.  Or at least that’s what they told me…

I got a phone interview!  For a job I didn’t think I was remotely qualified for!  (Obviously, I wasn’t).  This was exciting stuff simply because I hadn’t looked for a job in about 3 years and I was amazed that this company was calling me at all considering I applied via their website (which is usually an HR blackhole).  It made me hopeful that I had the right experience now to actually garner the attention of the bigger firms.   

With the expiration of the homebuyer tax credit looming, Paul and I stepped up our home search and right at the end of the month our offer on our condo was accepted! 

May:  Thankfully this inspection uncovers no nasty surprises and we move along into underwriting hell purgatory.  I am super stressed out and I can tell something is not right physically (arthritis in the back is one of the most crippling and always a sign that things are going really bad inside my body).  On top of all this I need to study for the CFA L2.  And then I get another interview with another big name firm, with one catch…the position is in LA.  Stress levels further amplified…I also had a really scary incident that involved a lot of pain and blood and I’m still not sure what happened although I have two theories 1) yet another sign of the flare (albeit not one I’d ever experienced before) or 2) miscarriage.  Ugh.  I choose to believe that it’s the first option because I really can’t bear the thought of the latter.  I’ll never know so I can believe whatever makes me feel better. 

June:  Take a week off work to study for CFA L2 and am sick the whole time.  Experiencing brain fog and am constantly exhausted.  This was a shitty month, maybe we should just skip it. 

On the brightside though, we finally close escrow and move into our new place.  Paul spends a small fortune on furniture.   I get past the next round of interviews for the job in LA and am unsure if this is good or bad…Start being given more responsibility at work. 

Then I go see my rheumy and get sent to the ER, blah blah blah.  Everything sucks from there…

July: Awful month.  I start experiencing really horrible side effects, side effects I had never had before.  Besides the standard moon face from the steroids, there were things like full-blown panic attacks, blurred vision, painful muscle spasms (especially in the middle of the night), and being jittery and shaky all the time to the point where it became physically impossible to sleep without a sleeping pill.  The cel.lcept started giving me really bad stomach aches which led to all kinds of other problems that I won’t horrify you with.  Since my kidneys were still leaking a ton of protein I was starting to swell really badly (gained 20lbs of water weight before the diuretics finally kicked in).  Happy Birthday to me.  The only good thing that happened was I found out one of my best friends is pregnant and I’m going to be an “auntie” wahoo!

August: Pretty similar to July, except add one 911 call and ambulance ride to the ER for a panic attack.  Lots of doctors visits and blood draws.  Meds are adjusted so that the side effects don’t make me want to kill myself.  Finally start hanging out with people other than my coworkers again since after the flare I basically cut off all communication with everyone for a couple months.  I just didn’t want to see anyone in that state. 

It’s funny because I was actually starting to feel grateful that I didn’t have much responsibility at work since it made the whole situation with my health easier to deal with…and at the end of the month I was told about the new position that had been created for me.  The timing ended up being perfect since things were basically under control at this point and I was tapering the meds so I wasn’t a complete basket case.  I don’t think I would be able to do my current job had it started earlier because you really do have to be on your game all the time and in July and August I was NOT on my game at all.  I had to squint to see things on the monitors, I couldn’t think, I would get nervous talking about simple things, I was embarrassed to eat at the desk because my hands would shake so badly…I was a mess. 

September:  Begin transitioning into my new role at work.   Health very slowly moving in the right direction.

October:  Officially in sales and enjoying it other than the jet-lag that comes with waking up at 4am.  Luckily it’s getting dark earlier now so I adjust pretty quickly.  Paul leaves for his Asia trip and I hide in my room with a golf club at the ready for two weeks.  I also obsessively indulge the need to check every closet in the house when I’m alone (I never really thought of this as a problem when we only had one closet, but you realize when you have to check behind eight doors how ridiculously crazy you truly are). 

San Francisco goes nuts because Giants are playing in the World Series!

November:  Giants win!!  Paul comes home from Asia.  Work a lot.  Start to fall into an emotional funk.  Physically improving. 

December:  Hit by the bladder infection of doom and as a result am unable to eat for 5 days.  This leads to me finally losing the last five pounds I gained during this last flare.  Apparently the starvation diet is still the quick and easy way to lose some of those lbs.  Discover the awesomeness that is Dexter while I am holed up in my room for a week and also spend way too much time reflecting on stupid shit.  And that pretty much leads us right up until right…now.  

Growing up, I remember always hearing my parents say “it doesn’t feel that long ago” and my sister and I would look at each other like “oh please, it was like a gazillion years ago.”

Well…unfortunately I’m afraid I may be on the other side of that conversation now. Wondering where the hell the time has gone? Because it definitely doesn’t feel like it’s already the end of 2010.  What if this is what it’s like from here on out and for the rest of my life everything feels like a blur?  I hope not. 

Coming soon, my list of self-improvement goals for the new year (NOT New Year resolutions hehe)…