transcended.net

The last couple days have been a shitshow for me mentally. 

Not cause anything particularly bad or disconcerting has happened.  I think I’m just getting my period.

I’ve been completely spacing out, forgetting things left and right, and generally looking like a huge retarded moron to anyone and everyone.

Really not good when one of your coworkers (who you work for) asks you if you went drinking the night before….and not only did you not go drinking you were passed out by 9pm the night before.

Today, I’m supposed to go to Ho.use of Pr.ime Rib, which serves, you guessed it, prime rib!  And I was all excited because they have the best prime rib AND it’s a client dinner which means The Company is paying, which means FREE PRIME RIB!  And I was all gloating about it to Paul until he reminded me, um, didn’t you give up beef for Lent? 

ARGH!

(But it’s not supposed to be easy right?  This is what I tell myself…and then people point out that I am not even Catholic…)

Don’t worry, they have no chicken dish but they do serve a fresh fish dish that I hear is tasty… 

But the point of telling you all that is to talk about how I was supposed to be just coming home to pick up my car and head back out for drinks with coworkers and clients before the dinner.  Except when I got home and was getting ready to head back out I got a phone call from the adoption coordinator.

Oops.  I wasn’t even supposed to be coming home at first, I was supposed to go straight to drinks with coworkers but I figured getting a cab tonight will be hell with the rain and all so I popped home first.  Luckily.

Can you imagine how awkward that call would have been sandwiched in a cab between two coworkers?

Anyway, this was supposed to be fast because I have to leave for the restaurant soon (I emailed my boss that I had to run an errand so I needed to skip drinks)…

** Program is smaller than I thought.  They only keep a max of 10 people on their waiting for referral list and quite often they have less than that.  On the flipside they have a few dozen families on the interested list, hence a 6-8 month guestimate of how long it may take to be put on the waiting list.  Only a dozen or so adoptions completed and the program has been around for only 2+yrs.

** They recently referred a six. week. old.  They currently have a five and a half year old boy that they can’t find a match for.  It’s weird but we had decided 3 years and younger was what we wanted but when she said that they had a five and a half year old boy they couldn’t find a home for?  Part of me was like – SIGN US UP!  But I didn’t say that because, honestly, I don’t know…I think we’d definitely have to think about that together and whether or not we’re open to adopting an older child.  Anyway, the age range for the children is hugely disparate because there are no age restrictions on how young the child can be, it’s even technically possible to be referred a newborn, but the birth mothers tend to change their minds in those cases.  She said it was good that we were open to a boy or a girl.  I think if we do ultimately sign up with this program I will ask that they contact us regarding any child that becomes adoptable, but with her knowing that we will most likely only accept referral of a child under three or very close to it.  It’s just hard to imagine missing so much of my baby’s formative years, even maybe ALL of their babyhood?  The thought of it recently almost made me cry at our friend’s baby’s one year old bday party as we watched a slideshow of her first year.  But, I do realize now that part of me must be open to it based on the reaction I had to hearing about that five year old boy…

**My health may be an issue.  It may not be.  Have to write about this later as I’m already ten minutes late….