How incredibly fucking whiny and ungrateful I sound. Boohoo, my husband might have a great job opportunity. Talk about first-world problems.
So yes, I do feel guilty that these are the things I stress about.
And yet…these are the things I struggle with.
On a related note, last week I found myself on the cab ride home feeling very frustrated and annoyed with my job and how obnoxious it can be and when I stepped out of the cab there at the public garbage can in front of the condo was an old lady who looked like she was my (living) grandmother’s age, perhaps a few years younger but not much, sifting through it for cans. And I thought to myself, wow, God must be telling me to STFU you whiny little princess.
I know seeing things like that should make me feel “better” about where I am, but usually I just end up feeling like a terrible person and guilty and not really any “better” about the crap I deal with.
I need to make a change in my life, I really do. But I’m just afraid I’ll never be happy doing anything. That I’m just a horrible, negative pessimist incapable of being grateful or happy for anything. I don’t know why.
I’m really good at talking myself out of things, talking myself in circles, and never really doing anything about anything. I’ve found that I’m the type of person that just lets things happen to me, and I don’t know if that’s what I’m supposed to be doing at this point.
Whatever happens, hopefully it will spur me into action. Soon.