I just wanted to say, I’m having a really hard time processing everything that’s going on right now. I am so tired. I’m physically uncomfortable. I’m on the precipice of falling into a dark, dingy, pit of depression. It’s literally hard to breath sometimes (which by the way, is scary as hell).
Thank God that I have Friday, Monday and Tuesday all off from work. It would probably have been a good time to be in the office and take advantage of some opportunities for growth but sadly I can’t even think about that right now. I just have to phsyically get better and somehow I don’t think work contributes much to that (beyond the kickass medical insu.rance).
Can I admit something here? I cried on the way to the doctors on Tuesday. I cried really hard as I drove myself down the freeway. It was the music that set me off…
How do we comprehend peace within pain?
Or joy at a good man’s wake?
Walk a mile with a woman who’s body is torn
With illness, but she marches on
Oh, cause sometimes the sun stays hidden for years
Sometimes the sky rains night after night
When will it clear?
But our hope endures
Through the worst of conditions
It’s more than our optimism
Let the earth quake
Our hope is unchanged
That was actually the third song which set me off. I will save the other two for another post because they’re good in and of themselves. Paul and I were supposed to go to Seattle this weekend but it seems like that may not be happening if I can’t fly. If not, I hope we can spend the weekend doing nothing but enjoying each other company. I just need some quiet time. I need to not feel like the complete and utter failure that I am. Or maybe I just need to be really fucking depressed and cry my eyeballs out about how life is fucking unfair. Maybe. Maybe not.