When I’m not sitting in front of the computer I’m writing all these great posts in my head about how grateful I am. How thankful I am for the things that are good in my life. Because despite it all, yes, there are still good things.
Maybe this shouldn’t be the first thing on my mind right now, but really, isn’t this why I put my health on the line in the first place? Because as weird as it sounds to say this (I mean, am I really this old already?), we want to be parents. And I guess one good thing that has come out of all this is that Paul and I have been able to be really honest about the fact that we both want to be parents, however it happens. I’m grateful that I have a husband who values being a dad above just being biologically a dad. I know I’m really lucky to have a partner who is on the same page as I am when it comes to what being a family means.
I am also extremely grateful for the fact that I have always had top-notch medical care. My rheumatologist, who is on vacation this week, told me to call him on his cell phone if I have any issues and can’t get ahold of anyone. My first rheumatologist in LA (who Paul picked for his name and Beverly Hills address – not exactly extensive research) turned out to be one of the leading rheumy’s in the area (who had a minimum 4-6mo waitlist and yet heard the desperation in my voice and agreed to see me the day I called, after hours, on a Friday). My mom was recently reading Reader’s Digest and discovered that the nephrologist who did my biopsy also happens to be the same nephrologist that did Natalie King Cole’s sister’s kidney transplant. So not only have I had world-class medical care, I kind of stumbled upon it by the grace of God.
I am refusing to let myself be bitter. Maybe that will change. I hope not. I think bitterness comes naturally but I know it’s not going to help and it’s not going to make me feel better about any of this. So for now I am just going to do my best to stay positive. My sister and parents just adopted a new puppy named Hope. Somehow it feels like a sign.
Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free