transcended.net

Another post, another month plus in the history books.

Time is flying by and once again I can’t quite figure out how to capture what has gone by in the interim.

First, I think it’s important to note that during my previous blogging break, I was distracted and my life was focused away from desperately wishing to be pregnant.  Not going to go into what those things were right now, but well, for one, let’s just say our house had full blown Linsanity pretty much until he got injured.  And we are pretty hardcore NBA fans to begin with.  So…yeah…

There were also bridal showers, weddings and a various assortment of other time/thought-consuming events.

For the most part, things have slowed down (and basketball playoffs are in conference finals now so only one game per day).  Of course the lack of distractions has coincided with being cleared by the rheumy to go forth and attempt to procreate.

So I’m four days into our first two week wait and I’m praying that somehow we are one of those disgusting couples that hits the lotto on the first try because I honestly don’t know how I’m going to survive this month after month otherwise.

I might have mentioned this once or twice (or ten thousand times) before but I’m terrible at waiting.  I’m an incredibly impatient person.  Waiting three years to TTC clearly almost drove me off the deep end earlier this year.

The nature of my job doesn’t help with this at all, in fact it has definitely made things worse in this department.  Working in an extremely fast-paced market, sometimes waiting for a minute can mean losing hundreds of thousands of dollars in the blink of an eye.  Thus people in my industry do not like to wait.  Ever.  Almost everything is a fire-drill.

I don’t want to approach baby-making with the same attitude I approach work but I’ve pretty much already totally failed in that department.  (By the way, lil sis if you are reading this you probably want to stop now because there is mucho TMI ahead).

We’re one cycle in and the hubs is already kind of over TTC s.ex because we get up so early in the morning that during the week we normally only get busy here and there when the mood strikes. But of course, this month I was like, You MUST do me every night this week.  And he’s like, But I’m sleeeepy.  And I’m like, NO, we have to get pregnant NOW.  Thanks to client dinners though we still missed two out of the three days before ovulation 🙁

Also, he has an appointment with a urologist in a few weeks (first available) to get checked out and have a SA done.  When I brought it up to my rheumy he was very supportive of the idea since my doctors are now of the mind that if I’m going to charge forward with this whole “getting pregnant” ridiculousness that we might as well get it over ASAP so they can get me back on their preferred meds.

I’m not feeling super hopeful about this cycle because, who really gets pregnant on the first try?  Plus we missed those two days and I didn’t have much fertile cm this month.  I did get a very strong positive on my OPK though so who knows, maybe…

My question now is, how do I get through the next seven days without losing my mind?  And should I test at 11dpo (days past ovulation) like I’m planning?  Will that cause more or less stress?  I’m not really sure.

All I really know is I’m driving myself crazy analyzing all these symptoms that I don’t even realistically think can be there yet.  I mean, at this point if there was fertilization the embryo is still meandering it’s way down the tube right?  The problem is it is totally normal for me to feel randomly crampy or nauseated or super tired or get headaches or congestion.  But now, everytime I feel one of those things I start to wonder, does it mean something?  Even though it is really not very different at all from my “normal.”

Anyway, I really am going to make an effort to write more and I would like to write more about my lupus now that I am less paranoid about people in real life finding this place.  After spending so much time google-ing and looking for blogs with insight into the aspects of lupus I’ve struggled with I realized I am doing a huge disservice to others with lupus by not documenting my own experiences.  We have such an understudied disease that at this point the best we can do is to pool together our collective experiences.  I’ve noticed that there are more people with lupus popping up in the blogosphere and you know, the more awareness about this disease the better.

I’m just going to hit publish now so I don’t end up flushing this post down the drain with all the other drafts.

He said, I won’t give you more
More than you can take
And I might let you bend
But I won’t let you break
And no
I’ll never, ever let you go
Don’t you forget what He said