transcended.net

My doctor kept me in suspense until almost 11am, but in the end I didn’t care because…I’m pregnant!  hCG was 43 at 9dpo which my doctor said is consistent with being 3-4 weeks pregnant (by my calculations I am 3w3d). 

I was a bit confused at first because I thought 10dpo meant I was 1w3d, luckily Dr. Google cleared up the confusion by explaining that the two weeks before ovulation are actually counted towards the length of the pregnancy.  (Apparently I either wasn’t paying attention during s.ex ed or it needs to not be taught by the gym teacher in order to be effective).

I also found out I will be seeing four doctors for the duration of this pregnancy and not three because my high risk OB is not a “full-service” OB.  So now I have the added fun of trying to find a regular OB asap.  But again, I don’t care because I’m pregnant!  I’ll do whatever I have to do to keep this little one growing and healthy.

Right now I’m feeling a lot of things, the overriding emotions being joy and gratitude.  I don’t know how we got so lucky, the hubs is still in a bit of shock, “We really did it on the first try?” he asked me after I told him the number.  I guess those faint lines were not real to him but the blood results made it real.  He is pretty proud of himself, as well he should be!

Unfortunately, there is also a lot of fear and nervousness lurking in the shadows.  What if it doesn’t end up sticking?  What if my heart gets broken?  I have seen so many women in the blogosphere (and some in real life) go through so much pain, I’m not naive to the fact that anything could still happen.  But during those months I prepared my body for pregnancy, I also promised myself that I would cherish each and every single day that God allows me to be pregnant and not let the fear ruin this gift.  I’m determined to keep this promise.

I’m also feeling…a bit…guilty?  This kind of goes back to why I never really dove headfirst into the IF community even though I’ve lurked for years.  I have struggled and fought and clawed and scratched my way towards pregnancy, but my fight has been to be able to TTC, not to actually get pregnant.  And (at least so far – knock on wood) it seems that isn’t an issue for me.  We got a positive on the first natural cycle of my life.  It makes me feel like that person people in the IF community hate and part of me feels guilty that it came so easily.  I have to remind myself (as Hillary was kind enough to do!) that it was not easy, not at all.  It is for sure a huge blessing that I got pregnant quickly and I’m NOT one of those clueless fertiles that takes that for granted.

So hopefully those negative feeling resolve soon because I want this pregnancy to be all about the first two emotions I mentioned: joy and gratitude.

Symptom-wise, my bo.obs are starting to get a teensy bit sore and I’ve been super gassy and bloated.  Of course those are signs of PMS too so it’s hard to take too much comfort in them.

Last night was the first night in literally years that I did not take a sleeping pill to help me fall asleep and it was pretty awful.  I think I managed to get a couple of hours of sleep total, but now that I know there is something growing in there I’m just not willing to risk it.  I’m hoping that the “super tired” pregnancy feeling I keep hearing about will kick in and allow me to get a good night’s sleep without the pills soon.

I’m seeing my high-risk OB on Friday.  Not sure what they will be doing since I asked and he won’t be doing a pap or an ultrasound (too early to see anything they said).  At least, I’ll be able to get another beta I guess.

I still can’t believe this is happening.  I’m pregnant!