not what was supposed to happen

I’ve been meaning to post about all the Things that have been happening in my life. Going back to full-time work (not totally my choice), finding a preschool for T, T and all the awesome that is T, and hand-wringing over whether or not we go for #2.

But that isn’t this post.

This post is about how the universe is a real motherfucker sometimes.

My best friend, this girl I grew up with, this amazing lady who has stuck with me through my worst moments, just had her baby at 29w.

The details are not really mine to share, nor do I know very many of them anyway, but without going into all that, I’m just going to say that I’m pissed. I’ll admit, I was a little jealous because I really believed she was going to have the easy conception, pregnancy, delivery, followed by adorable and super-smart baby. And you know what? I WANTED to be jealous of her, because I wanted her to have the storybook pregnancy because she deserves it.

And now instead, she is joining that club that you never really want to join, the NICU mom club. The last thing I ever wanted to see was her join this shitty club full of incredible women.

I guess I just can’t resist making it about me but it’s late and I can’t sleep now. Getting that phone call, hearing about what had happened, it set off flashbacks. The panicked feeling in my chest has yet to subside.

The baby will be okay. The baby has to be okay.

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