Seriously, the worst right? I’m not going to blame it on being busy, I just haven’t really had the itch to write. Shrug.
So why am I here today?
Because I have stuff on my mind and no one to really talk to about it since it is a touchy subject…
Ever since the “Planned Parenthood sells baby parts” videos started coming out it seems like abortion has been, rightfully so, in the news a lot more. This has made me think about it a lot more, and trust me it is not something I like to think about.
For someone as opinionated as me, I am frightfully unsure of how I feel about abortion. I have a really hard time articulating my position, and c’mon that is just not normal for me!!
I guess the problem is that I can see both sides. I really can. There are certainly legitimate arguments and good intentions on both sides. At the end of the day, though, it’s just tough, really, really tough to think of all the tiny, precious, human life being snuffed out in alarming numbers every single day. I don’t care if your prolife or prochoice, that is just a really brutal thought.
You may never hear me say this again, but I agree with Bill Clinton that abortions should be safe, legal and rare.
Clearly, we’re missing out on the “rare” leg of that triangle since according to some 2011 numbers I found, more than 1 in 5 pregnancies in America (excluding miscarriages) ended in an abortion (40% of all unintended pregnancies ended in abortion).
Anyway, I’m not here to share my opinion on abortion since I’m still not even really sure I know what my opinion is yet…I’m here because all this thinking about abortion got me thinking about how abortion has affected my life.
No, I’ve luckily (and I do mean luckily) never had one, and I hope that I never am in a position where I have to make that decision. (Please, God, I’m not sure I could handle it).
But my life has certainly been affected by one.
I am the oldest of two daughters, but I should have been the oldest of three. I’m missing my youngest sibling and it wasn’t until recently that, that thought really hit me. For some reason I imagine it was a boy, maybe because we were a family with two girls and I always wondered what it would be like to have a brother when I was growing up.
Now that I am an adult with my own child, it’s strange but yes, I actually feel a tangible loss. I wonder how it would be to have another uncle or aunt to dote on T. I wonder what our childhood together would have been like, the memories we could have made, the adventures we could have had. I wonder what it would have been like to have a sibling so many years younger. I wonder if he would have gone to UCLA and followed in my sister and my footsteps. I wonder, and I honestly miss him. I miss the little brother I never got to meet but that I know existed. It’s really sad. And I see how abortion doesn’t just affect the mother’s life, there is a ripple effect sent through the entire family for generations.
Sometimes I want to ask my mom how she feels about it now. Does she ever regret it? Does she ever wonder what he would be like? Does she imagine he was a boy too? Does she imagine him at all? But even though my mom and I are close and talk about almost anything, I can’t bring myself to bring it up. I’m afraid it will be too hurtful a subject to dredge up.
So anyway, that’s why I’m here. Thinking about my baby brother who never had the chance to grow up to be the man he was going to become and feeling pretty bummed about it.