Seriously, the worst right? Â I’m not going to blame it on being busy, I just haven’t reallyÂ had the itch to write. Â Shrug.
So why am I here today?
Because I have stuff on my mind and no one to really talk to about it since it is a touchy subject…
Ever since the “Planned Parenthood sells baby parts” videos started coming out it seems like abortion has been, rightfully so, in the news a lot more. Â This has made me think about it a lot more, and trust me it is not something I like to think about.
For someone as opinionated as me, I am frightfully unsure of how I feel about abortion. Â I have a really hard time articulating my position, and c’mon that is just not normal for me!!
I guess the problem is that I can see both sides. Â I really can. Â There are certainly legitimate arguments and good intentions on both sides. Â At the end of the day, though, it’s just tough, really, really tough to think of all the tiny, precious, human life being snuffed out in alarming numbers every single day. Â I don’t care if your prolife or prochoice, that is just a really brutal thought.
You may never hear me say this again, but I agree with Bill Clinton that abortions should be safe, legal and rare.
Clearly, we’re missing out on the “rare” leg of that triangle since according to some 2011 numbers I found, more than 1 in 5 pregnancies in America (excluding miscarriages) ended in an abortion (40% of all unintended pregnancies ended in abortion).
Anyway, I’m not here to share my opinion on abortion since I’m still not even really sure I know what my opinion is yet…I’m here because all this thinking about abortion got me thinking about how abortion has affected my life.
No, I’ve luckily (and I do mean luckily) never had one, and I hope that I neverÂ am in a position where I have to make that decision. Â (Please, God, I’m not sure I could handle it).
But my life has certainly been affected by one.
I am the oldest of two daughters, but I should have been the oldest of three. Â I’m missing my youngest sibling and it wasn’t until recently that, that thought really hit me. Â For some reason I imagine it was a boy, maybe because we were a family with two girls and I always wondered whatÂ it would be like to have a brother when I was growing up.
Now that I am an adult with my own child, it’s strange but yes, I actually feel a tangible loss. Â I wonder how it would be to have another uncle or aunt to dote on T. Â I wonder what our childhood together would have been like, the memories we could have made, the adventures we could have had. Â I wonder what it would have been like to have a sibling so many years younger. Â I wonder if he would have gone to UCLA and followed in my sister and my footsteps. I wonder, and I honestly miss him. Â I miss the little brother I never got to meet but that I know existed. Â It’s really sad. Â And I see how abortion doesn’t just affect the mother’s life, there is a ripple effect sent through the entire family for generations.
Sometimes I want to ask my mom how she feels about it now. Â Does she ever regret it? Â Does she ever wonder what he would be like? Â Does she imagine he was a boy too? Â Does she imagine him at all? Â But even though my mom and I are close and talk about almost anything, I can’t bring myself to bring it up. Â I’m afraid it will be too hurtful a subject to dredge up.
So anyway, that’s why I’m here. Â Thinking about my baby brother who never had the chance to grow up to be the man he was going to become and feeling pretty bummed about it.