So three months have passed and I must say, not a whole lot has changed.

Actually that’s not true. A lot of stuff has changed but the baby-limbo continues unabated.

T started his new school at the end of August and adjusted flawlessly. It is more of a “real school” type environment as opposed to the loving daycare-ish environment he has been in for the past three years. I asked him last night if he likes his old teachers better or his new teachers and fully expected him to say his old teachers (because he LOVES them like family) but he actually said he likes his new teachers better. I asked him why and he said because “they teach better.” Looks like I won’t need to sharpen my tiger mom claws, we’ve got a little tiger cub on our hands already.

He also started jiu jitsu, soccer and starts a new art class this week in addition to swimming. So he is a pretty busy kid now but he seems to love it. The one afternoon he had off last week he was like “why don’t I have anything today?” when I picked him up from school and said we were going home.

It’s really starting to hit me now that I have a kid. Not a baby or even a toddler, but an actual full fledged kid. A kid who told me last week as I dropped him off at school that he didn’t need me to walk him in anymore because he’s a big boy. On the one hand – sweet! curbside drop off ftw- but on the other hand – mah bebe 😭. So you know, a lot of emotions.

And then there’s the aforementioned baby limbo. I’m actually technically in the 2ww right now, but I don’t have much hope for this month as I’m already 12dpo and still getting BFNs. I know that doesn’t necessarily mean anything, but since I got BFPs starting at 9dpo with T…

It’s just weird. I’m still in this weird place mentally about having another baby. And now that we’ve sort of actually been trying for a few months now part of me is wondering if there’s an issue. This in turns make me wonder if I should get the plumbing checked out just to make sure it’s all even still working. But I’m half afraid that if we do find an issue that I’ll then start to feel pressure to fix it when the truth is we’re not even totally sure we should have number two. Like we’re both competitive people and I’m afraid being told we can’t do something will make us feel like we have to overcome it even if we’re not sure it’s what’s right for our family.

On the other hand maybe finding out we can’t easily get pregnant again would be the closure we need to just let that idea go altogether? Maybe we would feel a sense of relief that the decision was not really one we could make for ourselves anyway?

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