transcended.net

Since I’m clearly having difficulty forming a post with actual points and paragraphs and whatnot, I thought I’d go ahead and post my new med schedule! My life sort of revolves around medication and food (i.e. whether medication should be taken with or without) which is nice in the sense that everything is very regimented. But on the other hand, everything is very…regimented.

6AM: wake up, 500mg cellc.ept, 20mg las.ix, 5mg BP#1
7AM: fruit/yogurt, 5mg BP#2
8AM: breakfast, 15mg pred.nisone
10AM: 500mg cellc.ept
11AM: lunch, 5mg BP#2, MWF sep.tra & other days iron pill
2PM: 500mg cellc.ept
Bedtime: 1000mg cellc.ept

It’s actually pretty easy to follow the schedule during the work week because I wake up at a set time and so all my meds are taken on time. Weekends are tougher since I could theoretically wake up anytime and mealtimes have to be much more flexible to accomodate weekend plans.

I’m getting pretty sick of it…though I guess I can’t complain too much since they are doing their job. But I did buy a groupon for acupuncture (is that ghetto?), because I was already reaching a breaking point with how I feel about the meds and that was before I recently became the proud owner of this (which by the way is very handy, I love, and I definitely recommend if you have eight zillion pills to take a day).

Anyway, that’s all I got for now. Maybe next time I’ll tell you about the super cute paramedic that came to the condo that time I had a panic attack and thought it was a heart attack.

I have all these posts saved as draft from the past couple weeks. My thoughts and feelings are still sort of all over the place – sad, thankful, bitter, angry, positive, resigned, and my meds are making me crazy moody on top of it. Isn’t my husband such a lucky man? (And trust me, you don’t even know the half of it).

Physically, I feel both *better* but also awful. The meds appear to slowly be doing what they’re supposed to but the side effects…oh the side effects. What they are doing to me physically and psychologically is pretty nasty. I was lucky the last three times and had minimal issues but I guess my body just decided that four is one too many times to be doing this. I’d tell you about them, but I don’t necessarily know that I need to remember all of this later.

Anyway, I’m still (slowly) figuring out what I want to say about all of this, because there’s a lot, and a lot of it doesn’t make sense, especially right now when I’m in this prednisone fog, but I’ll continue to mull it over.

For now, let me write about something a little more tangible, a project I’m putting in place for myself in anticipation of being able to stand for more than five minutes at a time again at some point and lifting a small package without getting winded! Hooray for reachable goals (hopefully). The last time Paul and I went to Asia I tried dragon fruit for the first time and loved it. We’ve been finding them at a few of the Asian markets near my parents house and when I was googling how to prepare them I found out that they are actually relatively easy to grow in a range of climates since they’re cacti!

I have never grown anything in my life. Mainly because I am not good at tending to things on a schedule…and I don’t like dirt…or being outside much. But, for some reason I really want to do this, so I bought a bunch of seeds of ebay (50 of the purple flesh and 50 of the white flesh) and we’re going to Home Depot today to pick up some gardening trays and cactus soil. I don’t know if I’ll start working on the seedlings right away since I’m still not feeling that well most of the time, but hopefully I can get something growing soon!

I feel really old that I’m getting so excited about a cactus growing project. Heh.

I didn’t mean to leave things on such a depressing note. Last week was just nuts, went to my parents city every day and it made me REALLY thankful that we ended up finding a place in the city. And I am still feeling generally unwell but I am feeling better, so cheers to that.

Maybe tomorrow I’ll feel good enough to actually say something.

When I’m not sitting in front of the computer I’m writing all these great posts in my head about how grateful I am. How thankful I am for the things that are good in my life. Because despite it all, yes, there are still good things.

Maybe this shouldn’t be the first thing on my mind right now, but really, isn’t this why I put my health on the line in the first place? Because as weird as it sounds to say this (I mean, am I really this old already?), we want to be parents. And I guess one good thing that has come out of all this is that Paul and I have been able to be really honest about the fact that we both want to be parents, however it happens. I’m grateful that I have a husband who values being a dad above just being biologically a dad. I know I’m really lucky to have a partner who is on the same page as I am when it comes to what being a family means.

I am also extremely grateful for the fact that I have always had top-notch medical care. My rheumatologist, who is on vacation this week, told me to call him on his cell phone if I have any issues and can’t get ahold of anyone. My first rheumatologist in LA (who Paul picked for his name and Beverly Hills address – not exactly extensive research) turned out to be one of the leading rheumy’s in the area (who had a minimum 4-6mo waitlist and yet heard the desperation in my voice and agreed to see me the day I called, after hours, on a Friday). My mom was recently reading Reader’s Digest and discovered that the nephrologist who did my biopsy also happens to be the same nephrologist that did Natalie King Cole’s sister’s kidney transplant. So not only have I had world-class medical care, I kind of stumbled upon it by the grace of God.

I am refusing to let myself be bitter. Maybe that will change. I hope not. I think bitterness comes naturally but I know it’s not going to help and it’s not going to make me feel better about any of this. So for now I am just going to do my best to stay positive. My sister and parents just adopted a new puppy named Hope. Somehow it feels like a sign.

Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free

I love that I can hear the church bells from my bedroom.

And the sound of the trolley bell ringing as it clatters down the street (but luckily the windows mute out the clatter part).

It’s a huge improvement over the sound of the garbage truck outside my window (at 5am) at our old apartment!

1. I admit, bullet-point blogging is lazy blogging. But hey, I’ve got a lot of ground to cover and it is what it is. And thank you guys for commenting! I only got one spam comment after the two real ones so the ratio was pretty good.

2. We are officially living in our new home! 90% of our furniture has arrived and the cat is officially freaked the eff out. This afternoon I came home and found her wrapped up so tight inside the blanket on our bed I actually have no clue how she got herself in there. Cat hatez here. But we like it. It’s bizarre having this much space (went from 500sqft the last three years to 1200+sqft), we have more storage than we know what to do with. Is it weird that one of the things I’m most excited about is having my very own laundry room? I haven’t had one in unit for ten years now. I’ve done three loads with gusto. I’m sure the novelty will wear off soon.

3. So far I am not loving the stairs. The arthritis in my knees has been flaring up and I feel (and look) like an old lady as I walk up and down the stairs one painful step at a time. I think I’m going to have to start making Paul go get whatever I happen to have left up or downstairs until things get back under control in this department. Another thing I hate is our parking spot in the garage, it’s right against the wall and I just can’t do it. It took me two years to learn to park in our relatively straight forward spot at our old apartment so it’s a good thing we own this place because it may take me five to figure this one out. I’m a crappy parker, what can I say? I’m also not crazy about the fact that the grocery store is now three blocks away from us instead of just one. My life is hard, I know.

4. Damn the Celtics! You couldn’t just go ahead and win this one??? I don’t want to watch another game, I just want anyone other than the Lakers to hurry up and be crowned the champions damnit.

5. Speaking of LA…I thought my chances of getting that sort-of-dream-job in LA were slim to none after my phone interview, and I still think they are slim, but it looks like I’m not totally out of the running yet. I admit, part of me was relieved that I was pretty sure they didn’t think I was qualified what with, oh, I don’t know, the purchase of our first home in SF, but part of me was kind of crushed because, well, it is a really amazing opportunity and I sort of felt like if I wasn’t even remotely qualified for it and was rejected out of hand it would pretty much mean I’d never be qualified to do what I want to do. Which, let’s face it, is still sort of true. My job is great and all but as it stands it’s not giving me the exposure I need to the areas I need.

6. My husband is awesome. He has pretty much put this apartment together himself, everything from moving the heavy stuff around to cleaning every nook and cranny. And he cooks. And no you can’t have him, he’s mine. He does have really expensive taste and pretty much bankrupted us buying furniture, but you can’t win them all.

7. I don’t really have anything else to say right now, but I like the number 7. Which reminds me, our three year anniversary is coming up! We are not celebrating because we have a house now which means we are POOR!

1) I’m still here…chugging along. Work was actually not the soul sucking bottomless pit of hopelessness that it typically is. Although I did get entrusted with some REAL responsibility (like seventy-five millions dollars worth) I don’t know if it will ultimately mean anything or be a serious turning point in my career. I’m still not where I want to be, but hopefully this week was a teeny step in the right direction.

2) We are in the throes of moving. Half our crap is there (new place), half our crap is here (old place). Our TV is there now – it has been a long time since I’ve been without TV. Luckily our new TV is coming to the old place tomorrow to tide us over until we move the bed over on Sunday at which point we will technically be LIVING in our home. Gosh, it seems strange to say. We have a home. Which we own. Suddenly I become nervous at the thought of scratched floors or the possibility of holes in the wall when we are moving heavy furniture. Ah the joys of homeownership.

3) My health is the big question mark right now. I had a week of horrible arthritis to the point where I was having a hard time sleeping due to the pain. Then it went away. Now I’m mainly having it in the standard places, feet, knees and hands. Something weird about my nail beds and when I consulted Dr. Google I was told that I could have liver failure…or maybe I’m just malnourished? Not very comforting and actually pointless for me to Google in lieu of actual real blood/urine labwork. I have a doctor appointment two Mondays from now so hopefully nothing catastrophic happens between now and then.

4) I have a bit of a sheepish request to make…I normally don’t like to force people into commenting, but if you are here and you wouldn’t mind commenting just once I’d really appreciate it =) I’ve received about 15 comments but they have all been for various medicines or knock off purses and so had to be thrown in the spam garbage can. It would be nice to know I had one comment that was not spam and could actually be published.

Thanks =)