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Monday, May 24, 2004

I hate showing myself to someone. I hate the feeling that inevitably follows allowing someone into the deep crevices of my mind. No one ever understands. Sorry if I'm morbid. Sorry if I'm apathetic. Sorry if I'm ungrateful for what I have. I try to be but I can't help but feel like the whole fucking world is a farce. That there is no point. That nothing matters in the grand scheme of things especially not if there is a Heaven and a Hell.

I'm sorry that when I'm honest I will tell you that I believe there is no point to life and that there is no ultimate meaning. I'm sorry that I can't believe in something the way everyone else seems to. I'm sorry I can't have hope the way everyone else seems to. I'm sorry that I have it so much better than so many out there and yet I still can't feel as though life is a wonderful thing. I wish someone else could take my place. Someone who can be what everyone wants and expects from me, someone who can be happy and cheerful all the time, who can find meaning in life and who wants to wake up in the mornings. I wish I could be that person for you. I'm sorry.

 wingless was still breathing at 8:51 PM -

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