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Leaving on a jet plane...
Okay, so...I'm freaking out a little bit here. It kind of just hit me that in just over a week I'll be in Paris. Somewhere. But I'm not quite sure where yet because our lease doesn't start until the 9th and I'll be arriving on the 6th. So, um, yeah. That's one thing I'm a little freaked out over. Another thing is I've been up north in the SF Bay Area all week and it is friggin' cold up here. Yesterday I put on some long underwear my mom bought for me to take to France and my sister just looked at me and shook her head because yes, I know, it's going to be even colder in Paris. And I'm seriously going to miss my cat. It's hard enough going two or three weeks without seeing her furry little face, four and a half months is just going to suck. The only other American girl in my program has an actual, honest-to-God baby who she's leaving with her parents while she's gone. I have no clue how she's going to do it because if that were me? I'd be a complete sobbing mess just thinking about it. Of course, I'm getting weepy over a cat so maybe I'm not exactly the picture of "strength." I'm not mentioning missing Paul, because duh! Obviously, I will miss him. But I do think this whole experience is both good and necessary, not because I want "freedom" before we get married, but more because I guess because I have something to prove to myself. I haven't really been totally single since I was in 8th grade and although I've lived by myself before, I can't say I lived a very healthy or responsible lifestyle while on my own. I constantly let food go bad because I was too lazy to cook. I let the laundry pile up because I didn't feel like lugging it down to the laundry room. Dirty dishes would start growing mold until I just threw them away because they were too disgusting to wash. And that's just the short list. I improved a bit living alone in the dorms this past semester but, let's be real about that...I was really only living at the dorms Sunday evening/Monday morning through Thursday afternoon. I only stayed in Turlock for one weekend. The rest of the time I either went home or to LA. And every time I went home for the weekend my mom would send me back to school with an entire cooler packed to the brim with fruits, veggies, and a bunch of Chinese dishes to last me through the week. I know all of this makes it sound like I am a complete nitwit for even thinking about going to France on my own, without any sort of support system at all there. And maybe I am. But I guess it's too late to do anything about it as the tuition has been paid, the flight has been booked, the apartment rented...not to mention I can't bear the thought of having to explain to people why I am unemployed and not in school rather than studying in Paris. Alright, I'm going to stop griping now and finish packing for my trip back to Los Angeles. I know I haven't been writing much of anything lately, but I swear, I'm working on something based on a WSJ article Paul sent me yesterday. Wait for it...wait for it...although, knowing me, I wouldn't hold your breath. I'll probably finish writing it, decide it sucks and then delete the whole thing without another word. Labels: France
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Although I have to admit a little part of me is More details here , a lot of it is kind of "heard it through the grapevine" stuff so I don't know how accurate it is, but you can't argue with the photographic evidence that none of the troops wanted to sit with Kerry. I did a quick Google blog search and there seem to be no lefties talking about this one. Perhaps it illustrates a bit too clearly what the troops think of them. Labels: Politics, war on terror
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Alright, here it is. Or as much of it as I can stomach to write right now. I knew Finals Week was going to be a questionable week when on Saturday night I somehow ripped out a chunk of flesh from my right thumb knuckle as I was putting my laptop on the ground. How did I tear of flesh from the outside of my hand when I was gripping the laptop with the inside of my hand? I don't know! How the hell did I cut myself with a butter knife? Who knows how I do these things? So that's how Finals Week started (I'm starting it on Saturday just because that's when I self-mutilated my poor thumb and so therefore it seems like an appropriate beginning to one of those weeks). It ended on Friday with me running on two hours of sleep, frantically trying to finish up a project at 10:00pm in a Chinese all-in-one internet/karaoke/boba cafe that was PITCH BLACK except for the light from my monitor and a strobe light over the karaoke stage. And we can't forget about the slightly-off-key Chinese guy crooning on said stage. The whole damn time. Yeah, let's just say the quality of my work on that project? Not very high. So there you have the beginning and the end and the rest of it...maybe later. I should really get out of this same pair of sweatpants I've been wearing for I'm not sure how many days straight now and go do some wedding scouting stuff. Labels: Grad School
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
I've been trying to write something all day but I guess I can't quite figure out what I want to say. Last week pretty much wiped me out, but I'll tell you about that some other day. Maybe. I can't believe I'll be in France in less than three weeks. To be perfectly honest I'm scared out of my mind. And no, the wedding is not planned, although thanks to my beautiful bridesmaid Lian the girls now have their dresses. Labels: Random, Wedding Planning
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Does anyone else find it incredibly pathetic (on our part) that our troops are sitting over there in a war zone probably more worried about our morale than we are about theirs? Via Reformed Chicks Blabbing I found these two articles written by an army reservist who just recently returned from Iraq. Not that I agreed with much of the Iraq Study Group's "findings" to begin with, but a perspective from one of those "boots on the ground" definitely cleared away any reservations I had about completely writing off their recommendations. From the first article: And the second: If we're not careful, we're going to lose this war our troops have been fighting so hard to win. Labels: Support the troops
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Go watch Heroes now. wingless was still breathing at 11:54 PM - 0 comments
Just wanted to save this link in case I can't fit into my wedding dress when I get back from France. I'm in the midst of finals weeks and I'm oddly enjoying myself. During finals week I totally fit in with the rest of campus because everyone is wearing sweatpants or pajamas 24/7. I've also always kind of liked finals week despite its hell-ishness because it means that a new quarter is coming (or new semester in my case now)! New classes! Because of the quarter system spending more than 10 weeks on any one subject makes me antsy. Of course, since I stupidly chose to do a 1-year program the end of this semester also means I only have one more semester before I graduate and have to find a job and join the real world again. Boo. I'm back to where I was three years ago.
Saturday, December 09, 2006
My mom told me the other night that my aunt is having panic attacks. I guess it runs in the family. Last night I dreamt that we were having a picnic and we had invited a number of people including two of Paul's female coworkers (not real ones, imaginary, made-up female coworkers). The whole time we were eating the two of them were talking smack about me, everything from my shade of eyeshadow to my health insurance carrier (strange, I know). For some reason I feel this dream has something to do with the fact that I hung out with some folks I'm not all that close to/haven't seen in years the other day and have since been replaying the whole "hang out" in my head over and over again and analyzing it to try to gauge just how obnoxious I must have been. It's a problem I have. I can't hang out with people without obsessing afterwards if I said or did anything to offend anyone or else make them think I was extremely annoying. This probably has something to do with the reason I am such a homebody hermit who is frightened about living with people who are not Paul or my parents. Or my sister.
Thursday, December 07, 2006
For some reason I can't get this story out of my mind. I woke up in the middle of the night to pee and when I got back to bed all I could think about was Kati Kim and how she must be feeling right now. I've been trying to figure out why this particular story has affected so many people so deeply and I think I've finally put my finger on it: He could have been anyone. Well, any dad. People die every day sure, but this guy? Was just another nerdy asian guy who took his family on a holiday trip. And when everything went wrong he did everything he could to save his family.
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Hi all. It's me. The girl with 27 items overdue on her TheKnot.com checklist. In all honesty a lot of those items have to do with things I don't plan on doing anyway, but I leave them there unchecked because technically they aren't done and who knows? Maybe I will decide to do them at some point. On the other hand some of those overdue items are probably quite important. Things like "Choose a color scheme" which we have kind of done. Sort of. Er...yeah. Blue? Is that good enough? Blue and white? What color blue? DON'T ASK ME THESE QUESTIONS BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW. And then a few days ago "Start planning the rehearsal dinner" popped up onto the list of "to do" items (but luckily not overdue...yet) and I was like WHAT? Now I have to plan a rehearsal dinner too? Are you kidding me? And then I made the list of *necessary* rehearsal dinner guests and there were 62 people on the list and...yeah. Because my family is freakishly large and close and most of my aunts and uncles and zillions of cousins will be coming from out of town and therefore must be invited to the rehearsal dinner because they've been invited to every other rehearsal dinner for the rest of my cousins weddings. Does anyone else have a headache? I'm going to bed. <3, Nyquil.
I first read about James Kim and his family on Moxie's blog and then followed all the coverage on the news. Like everyone else, I was really hoping and praying that they would find Mr. Kim alive but unfortunately they found his body today. With the benefit of hindsight it's easy for us to conclude that Mr. Kim should not have left his family but putting myself in his shoes I can see why he did what he did. He did what any good man would do in that situation and he ultimately sacrificed his own life in the hope that his sacrifice would save those he loved most in the world. He is a true hero. It's odd how death happens every day, everywhere, and yet every once in awhile you hear a story about someone you don't even know and it just hits you really hard. His family is in my prayers...
I'm feeling much better today. Which is kind of weird since I also "went to Japan" today. (Think about the big red dot on the flag). (Yes I know it's weird but it's something me and my best friends have referred to since Jr. High). I think I just have a tendency to let myself get overwhelmed and I don't deal with being overwhelmed very well. It makes me want to hide under my desk and suck my thumb. Which doesn't solve anything but does result in more things not getting done which need to get done. But, like I said, today's been pretty good. No real reason, just on a mood upswing. No drugs involved or anything, I swear.
I was so wrapped up in being all "woe is me" on Saturday that I totally forgot to gloat! WE FINALLY BEAT SC! WHOOOT! And the cherry on top? We ruined their season! Whee!
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Currently watching: Beyond Conviction Sometimes people amaze me. They really do. And I'm talking in a good way. The human capacity to forgive just blows me away.
Trying to write but can't. It's driving me nuts. I don't know how to get this out. Sigh. Okay, there. I've been feeling like hell since Saturday. Weepy, hormonal, depressed, wanting to scream and scream and scream. But I can't. Because, you know, it's not socially acceptable and all. I'm not going to claim that I am *depressed* because hell, I know what depression is and this? Not depression. This is me with too much on my plate, watching frozen in fear as more and more SHIT piles up on me. I can't breathe. It's not school, it's really not. Somehow, I have school handled. I've been acing all my tests and finishing papers early. Yes, you read that right, I've been finishing papers early. Me. Queen of procrastination. Finishing shit. Early. I can hardly believe it myself. So it's not that. And really? It's not exactly the wedding preparations either. Or maybe it is, I don't know. Maybe it's the fact that I'm leaving in exactly one month to the day and I don't have my shit together in any way shape or form. I'm just so...tired. And I feel like the world is spinning around me and I just want everything to stop. Just for a minute. So I can figure out where everything is and where I'm supposed to be going and what the hell I'm supposed to be doing. I just want a minute. To breathe.
Saturday, December 02, 2006
Just wanted to share the cuteness with all of you. This little one is one of the (many) adorable babies had by one of my (many) cousins. My grandmother was officially at 7 great-grandbabies as of this November and two more are supposed to make their debuts early next summer. Right before the wedding! Which either means lots of babies at the wedding (!) or some missing cousins (boo). Ah. I admit it. I'm jealous. I want babies. But maybe I should wait until I'm done with school, married and have a job. Maybe, yeah? Besides this kind of reminds me of a sermon Pastor Dave once gave about people who are always wanting to reach that next step, thinking that if they could just get a little further along than where they are that then they'd be happy. Except you never get there. I should really just be enjoying being engaged and young and getting married and *want* babies when I'm actually in a position to have them. I mean before I met Paul I was all whining about how I wanted to find a great guy and get married and now I have that and all I do is whine to the great guy I'm marrying about how I want to have babies. SOON! Geez, some people are never happy huh.
I don't remember if I've mentioned this on my blog before or not but soon after I left for college my dear old dad, the geeky engineer from Stanford, turned all hippy on me, gave up meat and started playing at open mic nights in Berkeley and San Francisco. He taught himself to play the harmonic and guitar years ago and after Titanic came out he got all crazy about the tin whistle (that flute sounding instrument that plays the Titanic theme?) and he's quite good at all three instruments so I guess he gained some popularity and started getting invited to a lot of indie music festivals and concerts, etc. Which is all a bit strange really cause I end up attending these indie festivals surrounded by a bunch of artsy fartsy liberals and I'm there for my dad. You know, the old guy. Except now he's on a CD along with some hardcore rock group as well as some underground rapper. (Yes, it is the most um, let's say, "eclectic" collection of music I've ever heard). Last night he had to go to Oakland to play in some club or something. My mom just went to sleep but by midnight I was picturing him bruised and beaten somehwere in the mean streets of Oakland. When he got home at 1:30 a.m. I had to fight the urge to go downstairs and ask him what the hell he was doing home so late. I don't think this is what my parents meant when they told me, "Someday you'll know what it's like to worry."
Friday, December 01, 2006
I bought a few things from Sephora recently and they sent me a sample of this stuff (Philosophy Hope in a Jar for all skin types). I put on a little bit last night and thought it smelled a bit odd, but it went away so I kind of forgot about it. I just put some more on about an hour ago and I can't stand the smell of my own face! Maybe my nose was really stuffed up last night or something because this stuff stinks. Why they would make something that goes on your face smell this bad is beyond me. I'm debating whether I should wash it off or not since I just washed it right before I put it on and my face tends to get dry and irritated if I wash it too much. P.S. I've been on a total skincare product buying binge recently and it has to stop because I will be utterly and completely broke after giving my friend money for the security deposit on our apartment in Paris. Sigh.
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