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Just when I thought I had nothing left to say
Two things. One, just got home from (finally!) meeting Jon and y'all, Jon is every bit as cool in person as he is online. And not just because he wrote a book and my blog is on a list in it or anything, but just because he really is a cool guy. I'm not even sure how to say the second thing or what I want to say about it because every time I try to write it down I feel like a two year old brat throwing a tantrum. But here goes. Ever since Paul and I got engaged (maybe even before that) I've been completely obsessed with the idea of having a baby. I don't know why. I should be happy with where I am, happy with getting married, moving to SF, getting my Master's degree and (hopefully) starting my first real career. Our LA pastor gave this sermon a long time ago that has stuck with me about people who always think that "the next step" will make them happy instead of being happy with what they have right now. I am totally that person. Especially since when I'm honest with myself we are nowhere near ready for children and we are really young and yadda yadda yadda. So anyway, this morning I was reading this blog I haven't read in a long time, but which I used to read pretty much religiously and first started reading way back like eight years ago when I was a freaking senior in high school. Yes, high school. This girl is my age, we both have blogs but that's pretty much where the similarities end because she's much cooler than I could ever even aspire to be and incidentally she's a big ol' hippie. But that's besides the point. The thing is, she's pregnant. And as pathetic as this sounds I couldn't help but think, "Why not me?" Her post just got me thinking how we're always telling ourselves there's a "right" time but really the "right" time is just whenever it happens isn't it? She's unmarried, unemployed and the status of her relationship with the father is questionable, so a lot of people would say this is the "wrong" time for her but it's not because she's doing it. And having read her blog for the last eight years I'm sure she'll make it through just fine. Okay, so there was no point at all to what I just wrote except that I want a baby. And also, I'm impatient. But also, since I am not pregnant maybe I will just have a glass of wine instead. Labels: Baby talk, Blogs I read
I want to write something great. Something witty, humorous and yet somehow profound and meaningful. I really do. But for some bizarre reason every time I sit down to write garbage pours out and this is what we're left with. I'll be honest with you, I have no freaking clue what is going on in the world right now. The only website I've read recently is ESPN and the most stimulating debate Paul and I have had in the last few weeks is whether or not the Suns would even want Kobe Bryant (no freakin' way!). I guess I've just got so much mess going on in my own life right now that I'm scared to even stick a pinky toe in the pool of politics. It's not that I'm busy, because, well, I'm not. Yesterday my big outing of the day was a trip to Arby's where I didn't even have to get out of my car (thank God for drive thru). I think I spent eleventeen hours in bed watching every single episode of How I Met Your Mother (awesome show by the way) before moving onto Weeds (also a good show). See, my life isn't exactly a whirlwind of excitement at the moment. Honestly, I don't know why I'm writing this. I could just write something about how I'm moving and there's this wedding and have I mentioned that I need a job? But I think about three people read this anyway so I might as well be honest when it comes to my excuses for not writing. Come to think of it, maybe it is the fact that my life is so incredibly not earth shaking that I have nothing good to write about. Well, I'm off. I actually *gasp* got dressed and everything today. Going to meet Jon this morning before he drives back to LA! Labels: Life
Monday, May 28, 2007
The long weekend came and went way too quickly. Paul came up and we went apartment hunting and thought we had found a great place until we came home and looked at the reviews which all screamed, "Horrible neighborhood, lots of prostitutes." And also, "Run by slumlords." So we decided to go with option number two which also got some bad reviews but mostly about thin walls, noise and mean property managers, but the lack of sex trade issues made it the winner. Other than that we did a lot of running around and taking naps at random hours of the day and now Paul has probably landed in LA, my mom and grandma are flying to Taiwan tomorrow and the house will be generally empty which will make me sad and probably drink wine in the morning. Luckily I'll be flying to LA this Saturday to deal with flowers/dress/DJ/hair/makeup and any other wedding issues that need to be addressed. Oh and driving Paul's car up because we're movin' on up! Labels: Joyce likes wine, Life, Wedding Planning
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Paul managed to calm me down, which I suppose is one of the multitude of reasons I am marrying him. Also, bridesmaids helped too which is why they are my bridesmaids and best friends and love them. (Aware that that was an incomplete, grammatically horrendous sentence and don't care.) It's weird but being in France, five thousand miles away from Paul for almost five months was tolerable. For the most part I did not feel like I was about to go mad or have any sort of nervous breakdown or any other negative type reactions. Obviously I wasn't deliriously happy about it or anything but I also wasn't feeling like a crazy person ready to jump out of my skin. I wish I could say the same thing about being a mere 360 miles apart. For reasons I can't quite put my finger on I'm having a much harder time with this. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that there is so much to do and I am finally in a position to do it and I'm feeling a little bit like a deer in the headlights with a ten ton truck rushing at me at eight hundred thousand miles per hour. Typically when I'm feeling like this, Paul rubs my back, cooks something delicious and pours me a large glass of wine. But he is not here and so mostly I have just been pouring myself many large glasses of wine. Not exactly the healthiest of coping strategies I suppose. Labels: Depression, Life
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
So I know that as the wedding gets closer every bride has her freak outs about the wedding and how it's not going exactly as planned. And I totally promised myself I would not be one of those brides. And really, I don't think I am being one of those brides. My freak out is not about the napkins or seating arrangements or the flowers are wrong, oh my GOD the flowers are wrong! Whatever, I barely even care about that stuff. Truthfully the only reason I planned this big wedding at all was for my parents and my family. Paul is pretty much in charge of all the nitpicky shit like picking out cake and flowers. I don't even like getting all dressed up and having people look at me. My dream wedding really would have been hot dogs on the beach. So my mom might not be able to come to the wedding. And I'm feeling like, okay, what is the point then. I wish I could just cancel the whole damn thing except we've already put deposits down and all that crap so we're stuck. I'm stuck with a wedding I don't even really care about. I never felt like Paul and I needed all the pomp and circumstance, we love each other and to me that's more than enough. Labels: Wedding Planning
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
I've been meaning to write about the recent French election since I was (sort of) there to witness France's amazing feat of not flushing itself down the toilet. At lunch with one of my professor's just before the final election he told us that he hoped France would do the right thing (translation: Vote for Sarko!) but that French people have a tendency to be a bit illogical. So he was worried. And considering moving his business out of the country if heaven forbid that nutbag socialist Sego were to win. I'm putting words in his mouth with the nutbag socialist comment but I'm pretty sure that's what he wanted to say. In the end it wasn't really surprising that Sarko (we Americans became very fond of the "Sarko vs. Sego" terminology - it made the election sound like some kind of Godzilla vs. King Kong face off) won. Once it was announced that it would, in fact, be Sego and Sarko in the runoff most French people seemed to indicate that Sarko would most likely win, especially since Bayrou chose not to endorse either candidate (I read/heard somewhere that Sego would have needed nearly all of his votes in order to beat Sarko). But still, before April 22nd it seemed like there was a fairly decent chance that France could end up with a truly whacked out socialist President. I only met one person who really sounded like he wanted to vote for Sarko. And I still think Sego might have won if not for Sego herself and her whole "I am a mother so you should vote for me" campaign strategy. One of the strangest things to me about French people (and, I assume, Europeans in general) is how completely comfortable they are with the word "socialist." I mean liberals in America won't even admit to being liberals, much less being socialists (which, let's face it, a lot of them are) so it was weird being in a country where people were totally open to admitting, "Yup, I'm voting for the socialist." Maybe it's my American-ness but I am totally not convinced that socialism is not just a hop, step and a skip away from communism. If anything, in my mind, it's more insidious because it pretends to be something else but it will eventually wind up in the same place. Wasn't it Khrushchev who said that the West would become communist in the end because it would creep in slowly? This is a bit off topic, but I remember before I went to France people were telling me how great it would be for me because it would open me up and make me see how the American way of doing things isn't the only way and blah blah blah. But you know what? You want to know the real, honest to God's truth? While I do love a lot of things about France and do have a newfound affection for French people, I spent a lot of my time in France going, "What the f***?!?" Because so much of the time, their way didn't make any sense. Whatsoever. Like not even a little bit. And honestly, I think it is a lot of the things they do different from America that has them in such deep doo doo right now. Their social welfare system is completely out of control and one of the main arguments I heard against Sarko (besides "he's a racist" which I don't think is true) is that he actually pointed out the fact that something has to change. Towards the beginning of the semester one of my professor's was talking about how France's economic woes are extremely paradoxical. On the one hand they've got this huge social welfare system that people have grown accustomed to, which you can't take away because people are accustomed to it (this is something America needs to pay attention to) but that you also can't really afford anymore because you've got so many people using (and in some cases, abusing) the system. So you raise taxes on the people who can supposedly afford it (i.e. rich people, businesses). Well rich people, for the most part, didn't get rich by being stupid and ditto for people who are running successful businesses and seeing as how globalization has made it easy for people to pick up and leave one country for another, rich people and businesses are leaving France. In one presentation given by my French classmates we learned that over 1/3 of French people who leave France are executives. Okay, so you have a severely overburdened system and the people who are stuck paying for it are getting sick of being chumps and heading for America (or wherever) leaving the government with the same bills to pay but a lot less people footing the bill. So what does the government do? Raise taxes on whoever's left. Which of course drives more of these rich people/businesses away and so on and so forth until you're left with a giant bubbling mess of who knows what. Seems pretty hopeless no? Is there hope for France? Is Sarko that hope? I don't know. Sarko is far from perfect. Not long before the election he made some comment that amounted to capitulating to the Taliban (saying he would withdraw French troops shortly after the Taliban made a statement threatening France if it would not withdraw its troops). So nope, Sarko is definitely not perfect. But is he better than Sego? Uh, yeah. That woman was nuts. I don't know if you guys over here heard about "participative democracy" or not, but if not let me explain it to you: Basically she had no ideas, no real platform, nothing so she thought of this gimmick - you tell me what you want me to do and I'll tell you I'll do it. Let's talk about it. Yup. The sad thing is it almost fooled them into making her their next President. Not to mention the only ideas she DID have were about how to spend more money the government doesn't have. Am I glad the elections turned out the way they did? Sure, why not. It turned out the best it could under the circumstances I think. And I'm probably a lot happier about it than most French people are since they all were very aware of the fact that most Americans wanted Sarko to win.
Monday, May 21, 2007
Hi. Not drunk today. Not really. (Okay, just a little). Mailed out wedding invitations today and discovered that they require 58 cent postage, not 39 cents or 41 cents (postage went up y'all) as I mistakenly believed. So if your invite comes and it has eleven thousand stamps on it, blame the US Postal Service and its evil postage raising ways. Anyway, my mom requires the use of the internet now so I'll catch ya later. Labels: Wedding Planning
Sunday, May 20, 2007
It may be all that pear liquor and red wine and other random things I might have ingested in my intoxicated state (DON'T JUDGE ME) but I'm exhausted and completely ready for bed. And fully aware of the fact that it is not even six yet. And also contemplating another glass of...something. I am not an alcoholic. Really! I spent most of the afternoon trying to convince Paul not to put ridiculously expensive things on our registry and (mostly) succeeded. Although there is still a $1500 treadmill on there. And a lot of random computer parts. I tried. And being the lush that I am I convinced him we must have a wine rack. Must. Have. Also, memory foam slippers. And also a Kenneth Cole wallet because look how cheap! I'm probably making it sound like we don't have a lot of actual wedding registry type items on our registry but we do. I swear. Skillets and sauce pans and a lamp and a convection oven and all that good stuff. Tomorrow my job search begins again in earnest. The advice I have been given by my mom and grandma mainly consists of "Take it easy, Paul has a job." I plan to take that advice. Pfft, yeah right. Anyone who reads this blog knows I am a basket case when it comes to looking for work. It's not because I necessarily really want a job per se, but just because I really, really hate rejection and tend to go all psycho obsessive in the face of rejection. I imagine "taking it easy" will consist of writing five increasingly desperate sounding blog posts a day about how I will never find a job and end up a bag lady in San Francisco. Which doesn't even really make sense since Paul DOES have a job and at worst we will probably just end up living in a really crappy apartment on the wrong side of town and I will be too scared to even leave the house and so will just turn into a pasty white, mole-like animal who must be coaxed into sunlight with beef jerky treats or something. Yup, that sounds about right. Labels: I need a job, Joyce likes wine, Wedding Planning
Currently feeling: Very disappointed in the pear liquor I bought on a whim during my last day in Paris because when am I going to be in France again? And yes, it is 12:17 pm on Sunday afternoon DON'T JUDGE ME. I've also had three glasses of wine. California merlot. Which is sadly not measuring up to the 4 euro, corner market Bordeaux Superior I've grown accustomed to. Note to parents/husband: Do not leave me with no food (other than a can of baby corn and two bags of Southwest Honey Roasted Peanuts), no car keys, lots of liquor and no cable television on a Sunday afternoon. On the productive side I did finally add things to our wedding registry. Anyone interested in buying Labels: Joyce likes wine, Wedding Planning
Saturday, May 19, 2007
So. Hey. I'm back! Yes, I know, not very exciting. Sort of anti-climatic really. But it is nice to be back. I figured this out when I first moved to France and it holds true for coming back to the States - it's really the little differences that get to you. For example, toilet flushes being on the side of tanks rather than at the top. Or the way people don't stand to the right side of the escalator so that people who want to walk can go up the left side. Or feeling ashamed of how you really wanted a beer with your Taco Bell. No longer being able to make snide remarks at people standing two feet away from you because you know they won't understand what you are saying anyway. When I was in France, especially towards the end of my time there, I was starting to get really antsy. I felt like my life in France was pretend-life and that my real-life was back in America, on hold, waiting for me to come home. It mostly had to do with the job that couldn't be found from 5,000 miles away and the wedding that couldn't be planned from across the Atlantic. Well, like most things, the grass is always greener and now that I'm back I'm wishing I had appreciated life being on hold a little bit more. Real life...well it's not what I was expecting. Things are messed up on a lot of levels. Family, friends, things just seem to be in such disarray. And maybe I'm only feeling this way because my grandmother is in the other room moaning and my mom and aunt are going nuts trying to take care of her. Or it could be because I found out tonight that a friend has had cancer for the last few months, fucking cancer, and I've been such a shit of a person that even though I noticed chemo references in his profile I never bothered to ask him what was up. Yup. Go me. I fucking rule. But you know what, I'm not going to make this all boo-hoo about me. Obviously there are bigger things going down in the world and I just need to grow up and deal with it. C'est la vie. Labels: Life
Thursday, May 10, 2007
I'm in Greece now and have internet! Sort of, anyway. The connection isn't so great, but at least it exists and that's a big step up from what I was working with yesterday in Rome. So Rome did redeem itself a bit, mainly thanks to my sister and her Rick Steve's Guide to Rome tour book. Also we stumbled across a restaurant with pretty good service and even better food and the best Moscato D'Asti ever, so that made me happy. We managed to hit all the big attractions in Rome...Coliseum, the hill behind it, Capitol Hill Museum, the Roman Forum, the Vatican, Trevi Fountain, Spanish Steps, dead body...oh wait that's not really an attraction is it? We just managed to come across one as we sat and watched the sunset in the Piazza Venezia on our last night there. Yup, awesome. I admit that it's something that can happen in any big city, but I saw it in Rome and it was just another negative experience to add to the many negative experiences I had this time in Rome. Also, the Vatican ticket people were really mean and sent us back and forth between booths for no apparent reason. After meeting some nicer Italians who I could tell were being nice but still kind of came off as brusque and snappy, I'm well aware of the fact that it's just a cultural difference, but it was one I didn't expect. From the French, I expected it and yet I found them to be very polite and congenial, if not friendly. Happily, I'm finding the Greek to be much more agreeable. They are talkative and smiley and definitely know how to make a foreigner feel welcomed and loved. The older gentlemen who work the front desk are very chatty and helpful and have taught us a lot about etymology. They make me think of the dad in My Big Fat Greek Wedding who was always telling people how cool it is to be Greek. We tried our very first bottle of ouza tonight and though it wasn't bad, neither of us are huge fans of black licorice so I think we'll be sticking to the local wines from now on. Also, fyi Athens is WAY cheaper than Rome/Venice and you get a LOT of bang for your buck! If it weren't for the ruins in Rome and the canals in Venice I would almost suggest to Paul that we skip Italy altogether during our next trip to Europe...even so we'll probably spend the bulk of our time in either Spain or Greece and breeze through Italy only to hit the spots that absolutely must be visited. Tomorrow's agenda: Conquering the Acropolis. Labels: Europe
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
Warning: The following post may contain some profane language. Such is my hatred for the country of Italy. Labels: Europe
Thursday, May 03, 2007
Greetings from Barcelona. After a long day of traveling I've concluded that Europeans couldn't stand in a proper line if their lives depended on it. My feet hurt, my butt hurts from where I landed on it as I attempted to walk down some slippery steps in the wine/tapas bar but it's all good. I promised myself that I would not let myself see every day of this trip as merely one day closer to going home and I intend to stick by that.
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