"Being too charming was never one of my faults." - Kill Me Later


Mine :: about me. wishlist

Right-wingers :: RWN. Frank J. DF. Volokh. LGF. Flea. Serenity. Common Sense & Wonder. Neophyite Pundit. BlytheBlog. Red White and Right. RightGuys. The Politburo Diktat. Dave Munger. Chuck. Harry. Michelle Malkin. AHC. DW. Mlah. National Summary. Right Thinking Girl. Fausta. MaxedOutMama. My VRWC. La Shawn Barber. Moxie. Kali. Cassandra. Tony. Conservative Grapevine. The American Princess. Dr. Melissa Clouthier

Military :: Kevin. Sgt Pontifex. Chief Wiggles. Eric. Koreahn. Bill

Blogs :: Lian. Phil. Dan. Click. Jon. Rijah. Christine. Dave. Opinions Vary. Dave. Carey. Albert. Len. Grace. Thelma. Pia. Bumblebee Dreams. Todd. Babiegoose.

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Monday, May 31, 2004

Can you ever get over losing someone who is part of what makes you the person you are?
wingless was still breathing at 1:39 PM - 0 comments

Memorial Day
I just wanted to say thanks to all the vets and military service people out there...and of course all of those who have made the ultimate sacrifice for our great country. We all owe you a debt of gratitude that can never be repaid. It amazes me sometimes...all the time...that there are and have been so many young people out there willing to sacrifice so much to protect the freedoms of their fellow countrymen. So thanks...you guys are all my heroes.
wingless was still breathing at 10:41 AM - 0 comments

Today I'm feeling like the answer is no.

I wish I had somewhere to run to.

wingless was still breathing at 10:31 AM - 0 comments

Sunday, May 30, 2004

The Object Of My Affection is on tonight. I love that movie, but it always makes me cry and then afterwards I feel depressed even though it's technically a happy ending. But I read the book, I know how it really ends...the book is much more like real life.
wingless was still breathing at 7:36 PM - 0 comments

I don't know why but I'm consumed with the desire to crawl into bed and stare at the ceiling for a few hours. Just in one of those moods today.
wingless was still breathing at 6:56 PM - 0 comments

This is the Enemy.
I found this article on LGF. It really makes you wonder about the people who honestly think Pali terrorists should be considered "freedom fighters." "Baby-killer" is a much more fitting name. It's kind of long but worth the read. Here, I'll make it easy for you.

[WARNING: The following contains graphic descriptions of violence.]

Nick Berg, an American from Philadelphia, was kidnapped and tortuously beheaded by Arabs in Iraq sometime in May. The murderers filmed the deed and proudly displayed the victim's severed head.

After killing six Israeli soldiers in an attack on an armored vehicle in Gaza on May 11, the Arabs near the scene of the carnage gleefully held aloft human body parts in front of rolling cameras. One of the Arab terrorists was later interviewed on film with what appeared to be a human head in front of him.

The week before, after shooting at Tali Hatuel's car, causing it to skid and stop, Arab terrorists walked over to the vehicle to finish the occupants off. They looked at the heavily pregnant mother and her four no-doubt frightened girls; the youngest was two years old. And then shot them all. At point-blank range. With sadistic satisfaction, they systematically murdered Tali Hatuel and her unborn son, as well as all of Tali's daughters - Hila, age 11, Hadar, 9, Roni, 7, and two-year-old Meirav.

In Fallujah in March, crowds of townspeople dragged four American civilians out of their vehicles, shot or beat them to death, mutilated their bodies, dragged them through the streets, suspended them from a bridge and burned them.

And they danced and cheered.

With their children.

In Ramallah in 2000, two Israeli soldiers were kidnapped, beaten, stabbed countless times, had their eyes gouged out, and were literally disemboweled and dismembered by an Arab lynch mob.

The people - and I use the term loosely - who carried out the initial beatings threw one of the victims down to the waiting mob, where his face was further crushed with stones, feet, fists and even a heavy metal window frame. One Jew was set on fire and dragged along the street as Arab onlookers danced and cheered. Some of the butchers celebrated their crimes with the victims' internal organs. One of the killers, famously captured on film, proudly displayed his blood-soaked hands to the cheering Ramallah crowd.

And it gets worse. In 2003, nearly two years later, Arab parents in Gaza cheered again when their little children dressed up as members of the Ramallah lynch mob, complete with hands painted blood red, for a kindergarten graduation ceremony.

According to a report by Dr. Michael Widlanski, an Israeli Arabic expert, the Voice of Palestine called the attack on the Hatuel girls "an act of heroic martyrdom". The targeted children and their mother, the PA radio reported only as "five settlers".

Among the participants at the funerals of the Hatuel family members was President of Israel Moshe Katzav. He said, "This day of blood will be engraved in our history. An earthquake has happened. No one in the world can stand apathetically by in the face of these acts by such evil people. Where are those who speak in the name of Allah?"

National Review contributing editor David Frum posed the same question in his May 12 "Diary" on NRO: "Where are the imams?" he asked.

Some of "those who speak in the name of Allah," Mr. President, were busy sawing Nick Berg's head from his body in Iraq. "Allah is great!" they shouted in triumphal glee as they killed their bound and helpless victim. The imams are in the mosques, Mr. Frum, waving swords and exhorting their followers to behead a Jew: "Allah willing, we will cut off his head! Oh Jews! Allah is great! Allah is great!" They are also in Saudi Arabian palaces, telling their subjects that they are 95% certain Zionists are behind Islamist terrorism. They are also writing for the Arab media, explaining that Jews are behind all the evil in the world. And they are even organizing soccer matches, Mr. President, honoring mass murderers.

This is the enemy. Don't look away.

Perhaps when another rally is held in support of Iraqi "resistance" or "Palestinian liberation" somewhere in the world, counter-protesters can remind the ever-so-sensitive and progressive demonstrators of Nick Berg's scream of pain, or of two-year-old Meirav Hatuel cowering in her car seat, or of the Ramallah or Fallujah savages dancing with human entrails.

During the lynch of the two IDF soldiers who had taken a wrong turn into Ramallah in 2000, one of the Arab murderers paused in his savage beating to answer a cell phone belonging to one of the dying soldiers.

He told the worried voice on the other end of the line, "We are killing your husband."

There is a Talmudic dictum that states, "One who is merciful to the cruel, will ultimately cause cruelty to the merciful."

It seems to me that we, Israelis and Americans, have proven the Talmudic sages absolutely correct. Please, no more mercy.

wingless was still breathing at 2:50 PM - 0 comments

I just want one thing in my life that doesn't change. Funny, I know that the only place I can find this is in God. And yet still, I want something I can touch, someone actually. There's just too much happening right now, too much I need to do and I feel so completely overwhelmed. Like where the hell is my life going? How am I going to survive next year? Will I survive next year, is probably a better question.

I hate this feeling of trying to hold onto something that doesn't want to be held onto. I don't know why I even bother sometimes.

wingless was still breathing at 2:18 PM - 0 comments

Saturday, May 29, 2004

I'm starting to wonder if perhaps I shouldn't have decided not to walk. But it's not because I really want to walk, it's because everyone else seems to think it's such a big deal I'm starting to wonder if there is something wrong with me. Does it make me somehow less human that the ceremonial stuff just doesn't appeal to me? It's the achievement of graduating I want, not the achievement of walking across a whole stage in front of hundreds of people without falling on my face (in the midst of boiling LA June heat). Will I forever regret not walking? I don't think so, but then I'm not exactly sure. Bleh, too late now anyway.

I gave up trying to follow politics again for a little bit. It's too depressing. The other day I grabbed a copy of The Daily Bruin. I happened to be walking through the sculpture garden, which is absolutely beautiful right now with purple flowers covering all the trees...the grass is so green..the sun was shining that day...and then I glanced down at one of the headlines in my paper and it said there's a terrorist attack expected this summer. Something about the juxtaposition of beauty and evil in the world made me feel somewhat forlorn. I guess it all boils down to a question the article the Commissar was kind enough to link me to made me think about: Is it worth it?

I guess that's something we all have to decide for ourselves.

Anyway I got a little off-track. I can't follow politics right now because President Bush is falling in the polls and I'm scared to death Kerry's going to win in November. It's become impossible to argue with people because not a whole lot has changed and it's impossible to explain to loony hippies that we are not losing in Iraq and the whole military isn't full of blood-thirsty sado-masochists. It's just too hard right now. I'll keep doing my part helping the Republicans raise money, how's that hehe. We've been raising a lot of money for Bill Jones so hopefully (keep your fingers crossed!) Boxer will be out and the balance in the Senate will be one seat more in our favor =)

wingless was still breathing at 9:30 AM - 0 comments

Friday, May 28, 2004

trapped in a hole
ain't no way out, no where to go
or so it seems
and when you know
something is right they say you know
and I know what they mean

and everybody does their best
and they do what they can to pursue
the endless quest of happiness
but what it all boils down to is
we wanna have someone to hold
and someone to say "Good morning beautiful"
even when we don't feel beautiful

untie my hands
unlock the box, unleash my plans
and be near me
erase my fear
from over there, stay over here
and be free

and everybody does their best
and they do what they can to pursue
the endless quest of happiness
but what it all boils down to is
we wanna have a dream to hold
and someone to say "Hey that's beautiful"
even when we fear the beautiful

and I'm caught in a landslide
and I'm trying to decide
it ain't easy to follow your heart

trapped in a hole
ain't no way out
no where to go
or so it seems

- trapped, saucy monky

I'm in love I tell you.

wingless was still breathing at 9:12 PM - 0 comments

I'm afraid of my car door now. My finger won't stop throbbing =\
wingless was still breathing at 5:09 PM - 0 comments

I closed the car door on my finger =( I wish I had a boyfriend so I could call and whine about it to him. Being single sucks. I don't know why some people find it so entertaining.
wingless was still breathing at 1:06 PM - 0 comments

A couple notes on my night: (beware of rambling)

First, I'm in love with the girls of Saucy Monky. We saw them perform at O'Brien's tonight and let me tell you they are talented and hot as hell. I'm much more in love with the lead singer, I was very tempted to join the flock of boys following her around when they were done tonight. Something about her voice makes it impossible to stop staring at her. I think I'm going to have to start going to OB's every 2nd and 4th Thursday from now on.

Second, if a homeless person pleads with me or the people I'm with I feel obligated to give them something or I'll go home feeling like a shitty person and questioning myself for not giving them something when I know I have more than enough. So basically it's a good thing I didn't go to Berkeley or I'd be even more of a broke college student.

Things were very awkward with Jesse tonight and I think it was mostly me. I don't know what it was. I just feel as though I have to be so careful around him. When I'm buzzed and I start blathering to my friends about some strange dating predicament I'm in, I just end up feeling like a terrible person because Jesse is there. And then I think about it and I get annoyed because I'm not with him and I shouldn't feel guilty about the things I do feel guilty about sometimes. I'm not doing anything wrong, I'm living my life. I'm moving on from Eric. I'm trying to find someone who makes me happy, that's all. And I'm sorry that person isn't him, but it just isn't and I can't change that. I feel like this should be a letter to him, which it probably should, but oh well. This will have to do. If he wasn't such a good friend I wouldn't even be trying this hard. But I can definitely remember a time when Jesse was the only constant in my life, the only person who probably would have noticed immediately if I hung myself in my shower or something. He doesn't even know it but he was there for me through some of the worst times...But then I wonder...did he only stay with me through it all because of these secret feelings he harbored the whole time? Or was he truly a friend...someone who gives without the ulterior motive of sex and all that crap...I guess I'll never really know will I?

Finally, I think I am more attached to P than I'm admitting to myself. I have this fear that I could never expect to be enough for him. I'm not sure how I could hold his attention. Hm...I would write more but its late and I should force myself into bed. I can think in my head =P

wingless was still breathing at 2:05 AM - 0 comments

Thursday, May 27, 2004

I'm still PMS-ing but I'm a few days into it and I feel better now so no worries okay =) I hope everyone who commented knows I really appreciate the concern and advice.

P came over yesterday to cheer me up with Finding Nemo (which was as cute as everyone said it was!) and pizza, and of course himself.

I now know what it feels like to run as fast as possible through an office building in a last-ditch effort to make the FedEx cut-off. It's not fun, I don't recommend it.

More later. I have pictures from last Thursdays night's bar-hopping extravaganza.

wingless was still breathing at 6:57 PM - 0 comments

Monday, May 24, 2004

I hate showing myself to someone. I hate the feeling that inevitably follows allowing someone into the deep crevices of my mind. No one ever understands. Sorry if I'm morbid. Sorry if I'm apathetic. Sorry if I'm ungrateful for what I have. I try to be but I can't help but feel like the whole fucking world is a farce. That there is no point. That nothing matters in the grand scheme of things especially not if there is a Heaven and a Hell.

I'm sorry that when I'm honest I will tell you that I believe there is no point to life and that there is no ultimate meaning. I'm sorry that I can't believe in something the way everyone else seems to. I'm sorry I can't have hope the way everyone else seems to. I'm sorry that I have it so much better than so many out there and yet I still can't feel as though life is a wonderful thing. I wish someone else could take my place. Someone who can be what everyone wants and expects from me, someone who can be happy and cheerful all the time, who can find meaning in life and who wants to wake up in the mornings. I wish I could be that person for you. I'm sorry.

wingless was still breathing at 8:51 PM - 0 comments

The depression that haunted me for 21 years of my life disappeared a little while ago with no warning whatsoever. Except when I'm about to get my period. I'm afraid it's going to be like this for the rest of my life. Everytime Aunt Flo comes to town will the urge to find as many pills as I can and swallow them return too? I wish it would just leave me the fuck alone already. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of living with this disease. Even when you're "cured" you never really are.
wingless was still breathing at 7:54 PM - 0 comments

I am one confused soul. Maybe I'll elaborate later for now I'm going to bed. The part of the day where I'm asleep is definitely my favorite.
wingless was still breathing at 12:35 AM - 0 comments

Friday, May 21, 2004

The sun is starting to rise.
wingless was still breathing at 5:31 AM - 0 comments

I have to wake up at 9:00 a.m. to do my chinese homework. But I feel compelled to post these cheesy lyrics nonetheless...forgive me...I am intoxicated (well not really anymore but I've decided to use that as my excuse).

Isn't this the best part of breakin' up
Finding someone else you can't get enough of
Someone who wants to be with you too
It's an itch we know we are gonna scratch
Gonna take awhile for this egg to hatch
But wouldn't it be beautiful

Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you?
Why can't I speak whenver I talk about you?
It's inevitable
It's a fact that we're gonna get down to it
So tell me
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you

I'd love for you to make me wonder
Where it's going
High enough for you to pull me under
Something's growing
Out of this that we can control
Baby I'm dyin'

- Liz Phair

I haven't been depressed in a really long time for me now. I think it's been months, or close to it. I don't know why but tonight I almost miss it. Strangely enough my depression was at least something I could always count on to be there? So much is changing right now I almost can't stand it. I just want one thing in my life to stay.

It's weird because I've been really emotionally stable these last few months and yet my life feels so incredibly unstable. I don't know where I'm going to be living in less than 6 weeks...I don't know what's going to happen with me and Jesse...the one person I've been able to really depend on in the last two years...The way our friendship has changed in the last quarter makes me feel so bad sometimes.

And then of course there's the whole P situation. It really makes me miss Eric sometimes. I just crave that familiarity I guess. I loved how safe he made me feel. For some reason when I got back from the bars tonight I thought of this one time when we'd been seeing each other for maybe four or five months and we went to an animal shelter back at home with Helen and Benny. There was this really ugly cat that Helen and I were kind of going "ew" at and Eric walked up and read the note which said something along the lines of "All six of my kittens have been adopted but who will take me home." And Eric said "Aww, I'd take you home." Helen and I both gave him an "Are you serious?" look but he was. He explained something about how there was something about it he liked even if no one else wanted it and everybody thought it was ugly. I don't know why but something about that day made me love him so much more than before.

It's getting later and later and I'm making no moves towards my bed. Funny, I think I'm getting to the point where I feel like I miss P sometimes. Like right now. I have a problem. I just want to feel safe. I have a fear of abandonment. I need a job that will pay for mental healthcare ><

wingless was still breathing at 5:02 AM - 0 comments

Thursday, May 20, 2004

I've started to get back into the swing of things in terms of keeping up with what's going on in the world...I've actually been listening to talk radio again and getting myself riled up. But with work and everything I'm usually too tired to rant by the time I'm home.

I'm just going to ramble about random things that happened today. George (my ex-boyfriend from high school and the beginning of college) is now forbidden to talk to me by his new girlfriend. I guess I understand since I can be a jealous bitch too (this might be an understatement =) but it's me! I'm harmless! Oh well, it's okay, I know we'll still be buds someday.

Peter left his dirty socks here =\ I'm deciding whether to leave them exactly where he did until he comes back Saturday or if I should put them in a bag for him. I don't know why but some people are telling me this is a sign he wants to be committed. If dirty socks are a sign of committment...what is the world of dating coming to ><

wingless was still breathing at 7:06 PM - 0 comments

Wednesday, May 19, 2004

I was at his place on Sunday. He had two videos, Titanic and...strange, I can't remember what the other one was. Oh well. I was pleasantly surprised to find that there were no half-dressed (or undressed for that matter) women plastered all over his walls. Anyway, back to Titanic, I wonder what that says about him? I'm definitely starting to feel more comfortable with him and I hope it's not a huge mistake. I seem to make a lot of those.

The office manager talked to me about my salary again today...it's not looking pretty. I think I would make more working at In-N-Out Burger. Possibly quite a bit more. But this job can offer me connections I would never be able to make without it. So I will be living very close to the poverty line for at least the next 6 months =)

Like everyone else I've been thinking about graduation a lot lately. It hits me in waves. I'll be at work doing some brainless task when all of the sudden I realize that in a few short weeks I will basically be out there - in the real world. It's the beginning of the rest of my life. And there's no script now, there's no logical progression, there is no next step. I'm going to be just out there, I can do anything or I can do nothing. It's a strange feeling. I've been a "student" for 16 years now...two-thirds of my life...I'm losing part of my identity.

My life has been changing so much in these last few months, and I have a feeling it isn't going to get any more stable...at least not until July. Hopefully by then I'll be moved into a new apartment and all the other things that have been bothering me will have worked themselves out. It sucks being on the cusp...so close yet so far away =\ I really have to start trying a little harder in school ><

wingless was still breathing at 2:36 AM - 0 comments

Sunday, May 16, 2004

I just realized that I have a bunch of unanswered, aging emails in my inbox. Oops ><

I'm going to Chino Hills today to take grad pictures at Thelma's photo studio and then P is taking me to see Mitch Hedberg. It'll be my first time in a comedy club not counting the one shift I bartended at Mixed Nuts.

wingless was still breathing at 11:59 AM - 0 comments

Saturday, May 15, 2004

Who's coming with me =)
wingless was still breathing at 1:16 PM - 0 comments

So apparently last night was too much for my poor, under-used legs and knees. I'm in so much pain at the present moment that in order to even make it to the computer I practically had to crawl (and even that hurt quite a bit). If I didn't have to take my contacts out I'd just toss myself over onto my bed and pass out, hoping that by the time I wake up the pain in my knees is gone >< I swear, if this is how arthritis or osteoporosis feels...oh man...I need more calcium in my diet.

I went to the Border Grill twice today, first for their after-work happy hour (which is better) and then for the late night happy hour (which is still not bad, but you're stuck drinking margaritas unless you want to pay full price). The $3 appetizers are all delicious =) Hehe, I feel like an ad.

Ever since I started working more hours I've been drinking a lot more often. Every Friday night, once I get off work my first thought is "That was stressful, I need a drink." I've noticed basically everyone in my office drinks a lot haha. I totally understand the concept of after-work drinks now (key phrase being "after-work" meaning you actually have to have a job). But then, even though I've been drinking a lot more frequently I haven't been drunk in an extremely long time.

Whatever, I'm just rambling now. I should sleep.

wingless was still breathing at 1:03 AM - 0 comments

Friday, May 14, 2004

Okay, so here's how the night went...started off at Julie and Dzuy's as usual and then headed off for the Mayan after a bit of pre-partying with Dzuy. We got to The Mayan around 11:00 p.m. and Sabrina and I headed straight for the bar, who's bartenders I must say made some damn strong drinks. After a few drinks we just chilled by the speakers and danced and enjoyed the awesome liveshow by Junkie XL with all our e-tard friends =) (Just kidding of course!)

I danced with this white guy with dreads for awhile and I think he ALMOST convinced Thelma she should put her hair in dreads haha.

Ermm...okay...so I drove us home from the club because everyone else was in no condition to drive and I had already pretty much sobered up. Got back to the apartment and listened to music/chilled with the e-tards, some of whom ended up taking another half upon our return home >< Around 5 a.m. they decided it'd be a good time to go to the beach and watch the sunrise so I packed them into my car and we headed for Santa Monica Pier. Of course, I stopped at Tommy's because my sober ass was really hungry. It was pretty cool...sitting with my friends on a bench at 5:30 a.m., eating the best chili cheese fries ever and watching the ocean as the sun rose behind us (downfall of living on the West Coast...no sunrise over the ocean).

I just wanted to say I have the best friends ever =) I'm seriously so lucky to have the friends I do, both from HS and college, and the truly amazing part is that up until a little while ago (while I was with Eric basically) I really didn't think I'd made many close friends at UCLA. Okay I'll stop before this gets too cheesy and makes people want to puke, but basically if any of my friends are reading this...I love you guys!

My body hurts today.

wingless was still breathing at 11:46 AM - 0 comments

Why is it that there's nothing like coming home just after sunrise (after having fun with your friends all night) and taking a nice hot shower. I'm going to have to ditch all my classes today just to make it through work but it was worth it, I'll go into detail later =) Right now I'm going to bed.
wingless was still breathing at 6:42 AM - 0 comments

Thursday, May 13, 2004

Lately I've been waking up at 7:30 a.m. because my window faces east and it gets too bright to sleep >< I gave up trying to sleep around 9:00 and started messing around with the keyboard only to realize I don't have anything memorized beyond the first couple lines (well it has been awhile since I've even been near a piano). So I bought myself a couple presents. Now I just have to sit tight for a few days =)

My friends and I are heading out to The Mayan tonight! My friend Dzuy (who makes some amazing tracks) has pretty much guaranteed that the music alone will make it worth it =) I haven't been to a party since Monster Massive last October so I'm ready to have...some...fun! (Clean, sober fun for me of course.)

Going off on a tangent now...Looking at my wishlist (to buy the piano books) made me think of Eric and how he once wrote to the woman who wrote Sister of the Dream, which is on my wishlist but out of print. He wrote her to try and get a copy of her out of print book to give to me for my birthday. I don't know. It's just strange to me how someone can be so in love at one point, how you can lie in bed all day with someone feeding each other and making other people nauseous...and then one day it's just over. And all you have left are memories that don't even feel like your own anymore. It's like watching people in a movie, or in a dream. It makes me wonder if anything lasts.

I'm becoming too cynical.

I was with him for more than two years and it makes me feel a little bit like a monster that I don't even really miss him anymore. I feel like I've turned into him. I always knew he would get over me quickly and that I'd become one of those things he puts up on his unreachable mental shelf. I just never knew I could do the same to him. It's kind of scary. But then again, I am a much happier person now so maybe the boy is onto something.

wingless was still breathing at 9:41 AM - 0 comments

Wednesday, May 12, 2004

Yesterday was slightly disappointing, except the end of it. I found out that I'm basically going to be working for nothing...I mean they'll pay me enough to live on...barely....and not really considering I'll be spending at least 50 hours a week there. But this job will teach me so much and help me make so many connections so I feel like I have to take it. Plus, they said if I do a good job (and I plan to), our boss is good about giving good people raises. So I guess basically I'm going to have to find myself a roommate.

The only really good thing about yesterday was that P came over after his guitar lesson and...he brought me a (piano) keyboard from his house! I'm trying to figure out where I can put it so that I don't have to play hunched over sitting on the floor. I can't wait to go steal music from my sister =)

wingless was still breathing at 7:09 AM - 0 comments

Tuesday, May 11, 2004

I do not like what blogger has done with itself =\ And I don't know why I'm up at 7:40 a.m., my body must be preparing itself for the rest of my life ><

The reason I haven't been that inclined to write so far is because I'd like to only write when I have something substantial to say (if possible) and lately I've just been really fuzzy and slightly stressed. All my attention has been very focused on a few things, none of which are very interesting to anyone who is not me. So I'm going to bear with myself and the mindless drivel I've been spewing and hopefully once I nail down a salary and a living place I won't be so distracted and boring. Then again I'm always somewhat distracted and boring.

Also, as three people have noticed, I now have a comments section. I'm not sure if I'm gonna keep it or not it's just an experiment. It might be pointless haha. Oh and I will be updating all the links that aren't working at the moment and adding a disclaimer =)

wingless was still breathing at 7:39 AM - 0 comments

Sunday, May 09, 2004

The Nancy Reagan thing went pretty well overall (despite the unavoidable fuckups) except I didn't get to see Mrs. Reagan so to me the whole thing was a bust. The only person I got to meet was Leeza Gibbons, who seemed like a very nice person until she compared her plea to President Bush to "Tear down the wall to a cure" (because of the limitations on stem cell research) to Ronald Reagan saying "Tear down this wall Mr. Gorbachev."

Personally I think President Bush made a good compromise. I don't get why liberals value people who already alive so much and devalue potential human life to the point where all they see it as is a means to an end. It seems a bit sick and twisted if you ask me. Another annoying point in the evening is when one of the speakers made reference to the US being the best country in the world to live in and half of the liberal, entertainment industry audience didn't bother to clap (but of course our table did, and loudly hehe).

When I got home I actually called P for the second time ever which I take as a sign that I'm starting to feel slightly more comfortable with him.

Oh yeah, before I forget:

I wish I could see my momma and my grandma today =\ But I'll have to settle for calling them...so if you can hang out with your mom and give her a big fat hug, consider yourself lucky =)

wingless was still breathing at 10:52 AM -

Friday, May 07, 2004

The day went from unpleasant to downright nasty =P I got to work dead tired and in a daze. I started on one of my two massive (and intensely dull) data entry projects and worked on it for damn near four hours (with the help of several of my coworkers too) and just as I finished I was handed a third project that was supposed to be done in time for the 6:30 Century City FedEx drop but ended up being done at 6:30...anyway won't get into how we had to fix that problem...after that I started on the second of the original data entry projects and worked on it until about 8:00 p.m. at which point I started printing out event reports and making folders until 9:15 p.m....

I feel like I'm getting a tiny glimpse of what I'm facing as a full-time employee for CC. They were talking about how my boss yells when you're one of her direct underlings...and apparently quite often. One of them said she hasn't seen any of her friends since she started working at CC and the other said she barely sleeps because she refuses to not have a social life. So I guess that's the choice I'll be facing soon and knowing me, sleep will win. I love my friends but I can't live without sleep. I'll have to settle for talking to my friends online...hm....that sounds like what I did all of last year ><

Anyway, my weekend doesn't really start until after the Nancy Reagan event ends tomorrow night...hopefully I'll be able to skip out around 8:30 p.m. or so.

By the way, I did not draw the picture in the layout, my friend Dave did. Isn't he an amazing artist =)

wingless was still breathing at 10:25 PM -

Man today has been a less than good day so far. I'm pretty sure I failed my midterm because I think my professor put a huge liberal spin on everything he taught....at least looking at the questions...but I wasn't exactly sure how liberal of a spin so yeah. Maybe I should change that class to P/NP too >< But I don't know if that looks really bad and I do want to apply for grad school...Sigh oh well. At least I finally made my doctor's appointments and changed my major. Of course, it turns out that now that Political Science is my actual major my PS10 class no longer counts towards general ed units and so....dum dum dum...I can't graduate until I take a lower division bullshit class at SMC this summer...sigh. Ah well, it could be worse right? I could have to pay an arm and a leg to take it during summer session at UCLA. It just means my own laziness has doomed me to one more quarter of class. Doh.

Stuff like this makes me feel like I'm so not ready to be out there on my own in the real world. I'm still a kid. I'm still extraordinarily lazy. I'm still slightly irresponsible. I'm still trying to have fun. I'm not ready for all this >< Ah.

wingless was still breathing at 12:33 PM - 0 comments

I think I've lost the will to study. I have a midterm at 10:00 a.m. for which I've done no reading (beyond a glimpse at the lecture notes) and barely attended class (let's not even get into that). The problem is my professor, while nice and entertaining (I'm fairly certain he meant to be a standup comedian, but is making do with his position as a lecturer), is a schmuck. His class is essentially several of my IR classes and psychology classes synthesized into one less informative class. Or at least, that's what I've gleaned from skimming the lecture notes.

I'm really hoping that the fact that I've had to study (in past classes) every topic he's covered in class so far, means I know enough to bs my way through this sucker. This is pretty much what happened the last time I took this professor too. It's hard to force yourself to wake up at 9 a.m. to get to class by 10 if you know your professor is going to spend half the time talking about rugby, soccer and the national spelling bee for god's sake.

wingless was still breathing at 8:38 AM - 0 comments

Thursday, May 06, 2004

Love is passion, obsession, someone you can't live without. If you don't start with that, what are you going to end up with? Fall head over heels. I say find someone you can love like crazy and who'll love you the same way back. And how do you find him? Forget your head and listen to your heart. I'm not hearing any heart. Run the risk, if you get hurt, you'll come back. Because, the truth is there is no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love - well, you haven't lived a life at all. You have to try. Because if you haven't tried, you haven't lived.

- Meet Joe Black

wingless was still breathing at 10:28 PM - 0 comments

If there's one thing about my relationship with Eric that I'm grateful for it's the fact that he helped me realize that I have to depend on myself...and that I can. Of course, God has also really blessed me...I really think He gave me the job I currently have, the friendships...everything. I think about how just 6 months ago I was at a complete loss about what I'd be doing after June. There are still a lot of uncertainties in my life right now but everything seems to be coming into place at just the right moment. I guess this is what they mean by "have faith." I never really understood that before...Helen and I talked about it while we were wandering the streets of New York...how we'd grown up hearing "have faith" but faith never seemed like enough to us, because ultimately you do have to put in some effort right? But I guess the trick is to put in the effort and then leave it to God.

Back to the independence thing...I am a little worried that it could be a really bad thing for future possible relationships because I feel a little indifferent towards guys now...now that I've realized they come and go from your life and your life keeps going. And then of course I'm not only indifferent, I'm pretty cynical and skeptical. But, it is better to want someone in your life than to need them in it right? And at least this way the person in my life will know that they're not there just because I desperately need someone to fill a void, but because they really caught my attention.

wingless was still breathing at 1:01 PM - 0 comments

Ugh. My midterm is too soon and I am completely unprepared (understatement).

I think I'm getting too old and cynical. It was never such a struggle before to open up and trust someone new, but now it's like I have all these subconscious defense mechanisms telling me to stop before I have my heart crapped on again. I blame Joseph (yes, still =P). It's hard to trust charming strangers who seem to know exactly what they're doing....probably for good reason. Oh well, I'm gonna try to just "go with the flow" as they say.

wingless was still breathing at 7:43 AM - 0 comments

Wednesday, May 05, 2004

I found a new referrer today. He is hot =) Too bad he's thinking about becoming a Catholic priest hehe...Anyway I almost forgot about Wictory Wednesday again even though it's my day off and I really have no excuse, especially now that I'm using blogger again so posting is easy once more ><

Wictory Wednesday (taken from blogsforbush.com)

John Kerry's campaign is starting an unprecedented $25 million ad campaign touting his service in Vietnam. Naturally, the ads make no mention of his medal-throwing, war-protesting days. Or his sympathy towards Communist regimes around the world. Or his repeated votes in the Senate to gut our national defense.

To counter Kerry, the Bush campaign will have to spend a large amount of money on ads that expose Kerry's outrageous record.

Today is Wictory Wednesday. Every Wednesday, dozens of bloggers ask their readers to volunteer and/or donate to the Bush 2004 campaign.

Argh, blogger won't let me post the blogroll for some reason....Is there a way to fix this?

wingless was still breathing at 5:38 PM - 0 comments

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