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Tuesday, February 22, 2005

God of Wonders

Lord of all Creation
Of water, earth and sky
The Heavens are your Tabernacle
Glory to the Lord on high
God of wonders beyond our galaxy
You are holy, holy
The Universe declares Your majesty
You are holy, holy

Lord of Heaven and Earth
Lord of Heaven and Earth

Early in the morning
I will celebrate the light
When I stumble into darkness
I will call your name by night

God of wonders beyond our galaxy
You are holy, holy
The Universe declares Your majesty
You are holy, holy

Lord of Heaven and Earth
Lord of Heaven and Earth

Hallelujah to the Lord of Heaven and Earth
Hallelujah to the Lord of Heaven and Earth
Hallelujah to the Lord of Heaven and Earth

God of wonders beyond our galaxy
You are holy, holy
Precious Lord reveal your heart to me
Father holy, holy
The Universe declares your majesty
You are holy, holy, holy, holy

Hallelujah to the Lord of Heaven and Earth
Hallelujah to the Lord of Heaven and Earth
Hallelujah to the Lord of Heaven and Earth
wingless was still breathing at 1:17 PM - 0 comments

Saturday, February 19, 2005


Feeling better already. And my mommy came down to take care of me =) And Paul too of course.
wingless was still breathing at 10:38 PM - 0 comments

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

it tastes like burning

The pain in my flank has largely subsided this evening (finally) but now I have this persistent fever (relatively mild, only between 100 and 101 degrees Farenheit) that won't really go away. As such I have yet to return to work and I'm not sure if I'll be able to anytime this week. I've been resting a lot, drinking a lot of water and seeing the doctor a lot. Treatment starts on Friday. Biopsy results were not great news but not the worst news either. Thank God.
wingless was still breathing at 9:17 PM - 0 comments

Monday, February 14, 2005

i'm back!

Thanks for all the messages on the blog, flowers, phone calls, etc...It means so much to me =) I'm back from the hospital after a slightly longer than planned stay due to minor complications, but I'm pretty much in the clear now. My doctor says there is a minimal risk of bleeding in the first week but since my blood count was actually up today he thinks I should be just fine.

Cedars Sinai is a really nice hospital (although thankfully I have nothing to compare it to), I got my own private room and all the nurses were really patient and helpful. The food was pretty good and my parents loved the cafeteria. Even so, 24 hours of bed rest is not much fun and neither is using the bedpan and as relatively good as the experience was it's not something I'd ever hope to repeat again. Definitely the most disconcerting part of the whole ordeal was the tube inserted into my wrist "in case of emergency" (I was actually glad when it was actually used to give me some saline solution when my blood pressure dropped a bit so it wasn't inserted for nothing at all). Having a tube in your wrist for over 24 hours is very strange, even more strange than the two needle pokes into my back to remove little pieces of my kidney.

Anyway, I seem to be recovering even though its a bit more sore and tender than my doctor had hoped it would be. I'll most likely be heading back to work tomorrow unless I wake up feeling really poopy. Sigh. Back to rowing with the rest of the slaves. Definitely happy that things went relatively well though, I'm sure all the prayers and thoughts helped!

wingless was still breathing at 7:05 PM - 0 comments

Thursday, February 10, 2005


I won't be around for a few days but I'll be back!

Yesterday after my doctor's appointment Paul and I went to Pet Love in the Beverly Center (again) and played with this little two and a half month old shiba-inu in the puppy room. He was so adorable and very interested in this little ball and our toes. I wanted to bring him home with me but I think Taz would have a fit. (Not to mention the apartment manager and my roommates).

wingless was still breathing at 1:45 PM - 0 comments

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

to anyone that cares

Thanks to everyone who's been showing their concern over the last few weeks. I've been trying to be optimistic and it definitely helps knowing I have the support of my family, friends and those in the blogosphere =) I have been trying not to complain too much on my blog (perhaps not succeeding though) but unless things start getting better I'm going to need a place to vent.

Last night I got a mild fever (100 degrees) and almost had a nervous breakdown. It kind of got to me, maybe I've just been suppressing it all this time, but I was finally like...why me? When is it going to get better? Is it going to get better? Or am I going to wake up every morning dreading the moment I have to get out of bed because my knees, ankles and hips hurt like I'm ninety and have advanced arthritis? Am I going to have to go on dialysis? How is this biopsy going to go?

I don't think people my age can ever appreciate how lucky they are to be able to move without pain. I'm tired all the time and when it rains I can't even get out of bed at all. Sometimes when I think about it my eyes tear up and I just want to start crying but I know I can't. There's no point. And I want to be positive and optimistic for everyone else too. My mom has high blood pressure and my dad has enough stress over my grandmother, their 22-year-old daughter isn't supposed to be adding to that strain with this freakish disease.

My job is also causing me so much stress. I wish I could just quit but I need to pay my bills, especially now that I'm probably going to have sizeable medical bills. My work environment is simply unacceptable, the stress levels, the hostility in the workplace, the ridiculously low pay...I can barely remember why I started working here in the first place, except that I wanted to contribute to President Bush winning the election in some way. Now that that's over why am I here? Just because I have no better alternative. Hopefully God will answer my prayers soon...Sigh.

Okay I'll quit being such a downer now.

wingless was still breathing at 5:14 PM - 0 comments

Saturday, February 05, 2005

it gets better and better

So I found out yesterday I need a kidney biopsy. My nephrologist thinks there's enough of a chance of serious kidney involvement to warrant one, so that's that. I'm going to have to spend a night in the hospital, which I've never done before. Darn the lupus, darn it to heck. My doctor says I'm handling it pretty well, but I feel like I'm handling it in the only way I can. I mean what can I do besides see the doctors, get my blood drawn, get the shots, the procedures and pray? It's weird but I even feel a little bit lucky because at least it was diagnosed quickly, it has a name and I actually can do something about it. I'm trying to eat more healthy, take walks and sleep more too. Although the anemia pretty much takes care of sleeping a lot. I think I might still be in a bit of a daze over the whole thing.

Paul is amazing. He's making me chocolate-covered strawberries =)

wingless was still breathing at 8:14 PM - 0 comments

Friday, February 04, 2005

love song for a savior

In open fields of wild flowers
She breathes the air and flies away
She thanks her Jesus for the daisies and the roses
In no simple language
Someday she'll understand
The meaning of it all
He's more than the laughter
Or the stars in the Heavens
As close as a heartbeat
Or a song on her lips
Someday she'll trust Him
Learn how to see Him
Someday He'll call her
She will come running
Fall in His arms
And the tears will fall down and she'll pray
I want to fall in love you
wingless was still breathing at 10:40 PM - 0 comments

Thursday, February 03, 2005

stressed ><

I have a tendency to stress over things I probably shouldn't. Like tonight I'm stressing over possible big changes coming up, changes that I definitely want, but also partly don't because I hate change in general. And the fact that these changes are only a possibility stresses me out too because I hate things that aren't definite. I need long-term plans that don't change. I need stability. I don't deal with change very well...my mom thinks the breakup last March probably contributed to my condition as much as being overworked and underpaid while living in Los Angeles (aka God-forsaken-hell-hole) did.

As much as I want to go home, I feel like I have roots here now...well mostly Paul. I guess that's a dumb reason not to pursue an avenue that would most likely help my body start the healing process. Paul can move right? Bleh. I just hate not knowing what's going to happen. My joints are pretty bad tonight, not a good sign.

wingless was still breathing at 9:45 PM - 0 comments

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

post state of the union stuff

Thought it was a great speech, Bush did a good job in laying out why we need Social Security reform and probably brought a lot of younger workers to his side.

Reid looks like a big weenie. Why was he talking about his childhood? He sounds like Edwards. All I heard was "We think the President's plan sucks," but where's his alternative? Certainly didn't hear one of those.

Pelosi looks like she's trying to make some facial expressions but can't. Once again the woman has been over-botoxed...seems to be a big problem for Democrats. I love how the Democrats parrot Bush's exit strategy for Iraq and then pretend Bush has no exit strategy. "Train more Iraqi security forces..." who the hell do these people think were protecting the Iraqi voters on Sunday? Plastic action figures like the one "kidnapped" by terrorists? Oh and then they throw in, let's try to get the girly Frenchmen to join us...yeah that's the solution to Iraq >< Sigh. I still wonder how a Democrat from San Francisco, California got to be their minority leader when they're supposedly reaching out to the middle. Idiots.

They keep using the words "faith" and "values" like they're going to fool people into thinking they've suddenly sprouted some.

Okay, I guess that was my mini-live-blog =)

wingless was still breathing at 7:20 PM - 0 comments


I missed the first half of the work day paralyzed in my bed this morning. I didn't take ibuprofen because I was feeling halfway decent last night around dinner and foolishly believed I didn't need to take it. Well when I woke up at 2:30 a.m. with sharp stabbing pains in my shoulders, elbows, wrists and fingers (fingers were nice and swollen too) I regretted it but I didn't want to take anything until I could manage to propel myself out of bed for a banana. Anyway I slept til 10:30 a.m., which was nice because when I woke up my throat was no longer in a "hurts when I swallow" state, although that's back now which tells me my body is tired. Tired even though I only worked a half day. I'm always tired now. Bah. At least now I know, always take the ibuprofen even if it doesn't hurt. I think I'm going to eat bacon and cheddar potato wedges from Jack tonight because I feel like it and I've been eating "healthy" for two days and still feel like sh*t. Boo. I'm outta here (work I mean).
wingless was still breathing at 5:22 PM - 0 comments

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

forgot to mention

Dirty Harry's Stranded on Blue Islands is now one of my favorites. Maybe it's the fact that he's a red dot in this vast blue ocean called LA, like myself, or maybe it's just cause he's got a lot of good stuff on his blog. Either way, there are a ton of things I want to pull off his blog and post on my own but you can save me the trouble by visiting his site yourself and reading the whole front page!
wingless was still breathing at 2:51 PM - 0 comments

at least they're consistent

Democrats, I mean. They're consistent about being negative (execution of the Afghan War, Afghan elections, execution of the Iraq War, Iraqi elections...), then blase ("Oh we knew it was going to happen all along"), then back to negative ("pfft that was a small first step, but the REAL work is still ahead"). The funny thing is they "blame" President Bush, claiming the Bush Administration set low expectations for the election. Except they were the ones predicting massive blood shed, low turnout, saying Iraqi's weren't ready, the country wasn't ready, the security forces weren't ready...then when things turned out pretty well suddenly that was what they expected all along? These people have no qualms about telling bald-faced lies.

While I definitely agree that this is only the first step in a series of step, here's something to think about: If you don't take the first step then how can you take any of those that follow? Thus isn't the first step in many ways the most important? It is the foundation after all. This is something Democrats like John Kerry just refuse to acknowledge. Demarcation point my ass. Thank God the man isn't POTUS.

wingless was still breathing at 1:20 PM - 3 comments

there's good news and there's bad news

I'm speaking of my personal life this time so if you don't care, that's okay, I wish I didn't have to either. The good news is that I've found my appetite. It finally poked its head out from under the rock it's been hiding under for the last couple years and I'm now able to eat entire meals without any *ahem* help (except for Paul who still has to finish my leftovers sometimes).

The bad news? After my visit to the doctor last Wednesday I ordered a book that is supposed to help me recover through lifestyle changes rather than medication. Unfortunately this includes becoming...*dun dun dun* a VEGAN. NOooooOo! On top of that I'm supposed to cut out white flour, sugar and salt...and processed foods, meaning I've gone a step beyond vegan and I'm not supposed to eat pastas either...Essentially I'm supposed to become a bunny rabbit for all intensive purposes. This does not bode well for me considering my newly refound appetite.

So I've decided to take it slow and start off by cutting out all dairy products because dairy is supposedly the worst offender, cut down on meat, salt, sugar and white flour (I prefer wheat bread anyway) and stick to mainly water (and possibly a Hansen's every now and then). This is all very sad news because as you all know this weekend is Super Bowl Sunday and my roommate is having a bbq and Paul was going to make me nachos with a yummy seven layer dip. I suppose I can enjoy the SuperBowl without all those toxic foods (but only if the Eagles win) but the question is do I really want to? I may have to make an exception even if I pay for it on Monday with some creaky joints.

Pray for me ><

wingless was still breathing at 1:18 PM - 0 comments

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