I must say, even though a part of me does feel like a chunk of my identity has been lost, I know that this was my choice. And not only that, it is for the best. I am finally leaving behind a part of my life that cannot come with me into the future. I'm leaving that part of myself behind and hopefully coming out of the process with only the better parts.

But knowing this doesn't really take away the fear. The fear that I will no longer be complete. The fear that I will no longer know how to live and breathe and put one foot in front of the other day after day. Consciously, I know that these are silly fears. I know that the truth is the life I leave behind was only half a life to begin with. A smokescreen. Hah.

Today, I chose to change my life. I chose to be free.

Reception site? Booked.

Wedding photographer? Also booked.

I am completely happy with both choices and I think we're getting a great deal on both as well. Hopefully by next Sunday we'll have the ceremony figured out. This wedding planning stuff is a piece of cake so far, everything seems to be just falling into place.

Oh and if you think you're being invited, then set aside July 7, 2007 for me! Thanks!

Israeli soldiers are kidnapped? Missiles are being launched haphazardly into their civilian populations? Ah, but of course, Israel is the one that must show restraint. The French, I'm sure, would love nothing better than for Israel to "show restraint" until they are completely wiped out by those animals who love to slaughter Israeli babies. I love how "Both sides must show restraint," really translates into, "Israel must show restraint." Anti-semitic double-speak.

What those of us who live in the West don't realize is that Israel does not live in the civilized world as we do. Israel itself may be a civilized society but Israel is living in the state of nature. She is surrounded by enemies who hate her and would love nothing more than to slaughter the "evil JOOoOoOs." In fact, we got a glimpse of how truly barbaric the enemy is on 9-11. Israel is fighting for her very survival. And in a fight like that you hold no punches. You go all out. Someone hits you first? You pound them into the ground. That sends a message to the type of people who only understand force. It tells them, Stay the hell away from me unless YOU want to die.

Furthermore, while Hezbollah is not officially the government of Lebanon (although I hear that there are duly elected Hezbollah members in their parliament), Hamas is certainly now the elected government of Palestine. Which means the Palestinians CHOSE to be represented by terrorist thugs. Which means when those thugs committ terrorist acts, they are doing so on behalf of their electorate - the Palestinian people. They are no longer merely a terrorist group committing terrorist acts, they are an elected government committing acts of war and no one can be upset now with the Israeli response to Hamas. If civilians die, it's called collateral damage and maybe the Palestinians that live on should think twice about who they vote for next time.

Needless to say, the powers that be? They must die.

BLACK RIVER FALLS, Wis. — Jurors have found a small-town police chief not guilty of attempted murder after he allegedly tried to shoot a man he mistook for a violent criminal.

The 12-person panel acquitted Matthew Hoskins, 35, of attempted murder and two counts of reckless endangerment after deliberating for about two hours Thursday.

Hoskins, who faced up to 95 years in prison if convicted, wept after Judge John Damon read the jury's decision, and the gallery erupted in applause.

The charges stemmed from a Sept. 27, 2003, incident in which Hoskins confronted a neighbor he thought was armed and dangerous.

But the police chief had misinterpreted John Ellingson's attempt to scare away teenage pranksters coming to toilet-paper his house by rigging his yard with noisemakers that sounded like gunfire.

When Ellingson's booby traps went off and sent the teens screaming down the street, Hoskins grabbed his girlfriend's handgun and went to investigate.

During closing arguments, prosecutor Barbara Oswald said Hoskins mistook Ellingson's 17-year-old daughter Melissa as a criminal, and overreacted when he tried to subdue her in the street.

That mistake, she said, spurred a scuffle that led to three shots being fired.

Um? So you're an off-duty cop. It's nighttime. It's dark. You hear sounds like shotguns going off and screaming and figures running and in the middle of it all someone yells, "Call 911." You come upon someone, pointing your gun at them and order them to get on the ground which they refuse. Another figure comes up and attacks you, you scuffle, you break-free and you point your gun at him. He says you pulled the trigger but "dry-fired" and you say you didn't pull the trigger at all. A prosecution expert can only say they can't "rule out" that the gun dry-fired.

Sounds like an off-duty cop who's training kicked in to me. And let's be honest, thoise "noisemakers"? They were actually blank shot-gun shells. Why the hell did they put this poor guy through all of this crap? The homeowner, the adult, should have known better than to join into a bunch of kids stupid high school pranks. Get those motion-detecting lights, you jerk. Those tend to keep pranksters from TP-ing your house.

I'm very upset for the defendant. The "victims" in this case were not "victims" at all but were actually the instigators.

EDIT: Just found out from more Court TV commentary that the "victim" Ellingson is a high level city official. Hm. Gee. So I guess this high level city official feels like a jackass cause he nearly got himself killed playing pranks with his teenage children so he decides to go after the poor honest cop who thought he was trying to save people.

It's not that I don't constantly think to myself, "I should write about that" or "That would be the perfect thing to blog" or "Wouldn't the internet get a kick out of that?" Because I do. But, I don't know. I'm just not logging enough hours of pure unadulterated sit in front of the computer and do nothing time. I have things to do. Like planning a freaking wedding when all the banquet/catering offices are perpetually closed or "no one is here to answer your call." Like studying my buns off for my challenge exam which I am totally freaked over. I get one shot and if I miss, there goes grad school (or at least this program).

Then there's work. Oh, work. I think I need to reduce my hours because I come home exhausted and to a messy apartment and it saps my will to do, well, anything.

This weekend Paul and I finally pooled our energy and managed to give the apartment a nice once over. Our carpets are no longer crusted with kitty litter and our coffee table has finally been wiped down. These are all good starts.

And hey look! A post! Things are looking up no?

I decided I needed to not go into work today and instead am heading up to Pasadena for an afternoon of hardcore studying.