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Monday, September 29, 2008


So after finally being released from my soggy prison, I feel kind of bad about what I wrote yesterday. My grandpa is a sweet old dude and it's not his fault he has Alzheimer's and is driving me nutso - someday that could easily be me right so who am I to say anything? I also think I figured out the psychology behind his fear of me being another "helper" - his kids (my step-uncles and aunts) totally suck and he's afraid that getting another helper is just another way for them to pawn him off on someone else.

I came to this realization last night as I watched him dial his kids phone numbers over and over and over again for a half hour. The caretaker Ahnee told me that they never answer because they have caller ID and screen his calls. She also told me that his daughter never comes to visit despite literally living around the corner and that a couple of times she actually walked him over there to visit...one time the daughter wouldn't even answer the door and the other time she wouldn't let him come up but came down to chat with him for a little while. His two sons come once a week to give him his weekly allowance, they take them out to lunch but never stay and chat no matter how much he begs them to. On the other hand, my mom and assorted aunts and uncles take turns coming from the US to make sure they never go too long without having at least one of them around.

Ahnee told me in Chinese that "his kids don't care about him, not like grandma's kids." Even my grandmother with her Alzheimer's is aware of the difference and when he asks who I am she'll answer, "This is my grand-daughter, she's come to visit me, unlike your kids and grandkids who never come visit you." It comes off as pretty mean so I'm glad he can't seem to hear her most of the time. It bothered me so much after talking to Ahnee that I had trouble sleeping and ended up calling my mom in the middle of the night. She said they never even went to visit much when their own mother (my grandpa's first wife) was dying of cancer so she doesn't expect much from them now.

I know he had a hand in raising them and so perhaps it is partly his "fault" that they are the way they are, but from what I know of him (he's been married to my grandmother for 16 years so I knew him for a long time before his mind started to deteriorate) he's a generous man who loves his family very much so I'm not sure how his kids turned out to be a bunch of heartless vultures who are just waiting for him to die so they can divvy up the booty. My mom said one of their main objections against him marrying my grandmother was their fear that he would die first and she would inherit the apartment - nevermind the fact that he helped all of them buy their homes and they're all pretty well off on their own now. And nevermind that my grandmother gives him companionship when they would rather leave him to die alone and lonely.

It just really shocks me to see people treat their elderly parents this way...especially in Asian culture where not only are you normally supposed to take care of your parents when they're old you're actually supposed to take care of them by living with them. Ah well, what goes around comes around right? I'm sure their own kids are learning a lesson right now in how to treat them when they're old and fading mentally.

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wingless was still breathing at 11:57 PM - 0 comments

I survived my first typhoon and all you get is this stupid blog post

I've officially made it through my first typhoon. Lucky me, I made it to Taiwan just in time for the biggest one of the year so far.

I have literally spent the last three days trapped in an apartment with my grandparents (both of whom have Alzheimer's) and no internet to speak of. And then my laptop battery died and I realized none of the plugs in their apartment have the extra pluggy thing that laptop chargers have (Why they must have this extra piece I have no clue? So I would want to kill myself when I discovered I wouldn't even have music or old episodes of Scrubs to get me through the typhoon? Perhaps).

My grandfather literally can't remember who I am most of the time and keeps accusing me of being there to work as their helper - which he gets really pissed off about because they already have a helper and certainly don't need another one, blah blah blah. I try to patiently remind him that I am Ah-Fen's (my mom) daughter and I'm there to visit my grandmother (he's technically my step-grandfather but they've been married so long I don't even usually differentiate). Of course being accused of trying to be their maid (and not even making the cut!) ten times a day gets pretty trying and I'm starting to feel like if I have to have the conversation one more time I will lose my mind too. Like my mind will snap and I will go completely ape-shit crazy because NO I DON'T WANT TO BE YOUR F*CKING MAID, EVEN IF I WAS UNEMPLOYED - WHICH I MIGHT BE SOON - I WOULD NOT WANT TO BE YOUR GOD D*MN MAID. Especially not for $100 a month (which is what they pay the girl from Indonesia who takes care of them right now, really sweet girl, probably the only reason I haven't thrown myself out the window yet). I'm like dude, you couldn't even afford me if you wanted me old man. Shiet.

Sigh. As you can see, cabin fever is setting in. And it's hot and humid here too on top of the god forsaken rain, which OH MY GOD, when will it stop raining? Will the sun ever come out again?

I was so afraid that the internet cafe next door would be closed again today (it was closed yesterday either because of the typhoon or because it was Sunday, I'm not sure which) that I walked around the streets for an hour this morning with my laptop and umbrella...wandering into every 7-11 and McDonald's I could find asking if anyone, anyone? knew where I could find the internet. I felt like that guy in those commercials where he's in a swamp looking for the internet except he found it and I, on the other hand, failed miserably. At one point I actually had some hope because I saw a white guy walking by and I was all WHITE MAN HELP ME!!! Except he was a euro and didn't really know what he was talking about either. Fail.

So I went back to the apartment wanting to kill myself, because WAH, I WANT INTERNET...only to find that hah, the internet cafe next door was open after all, just not until noon. At that point, I really didn't care that I had just spent an hour walking in the rain and was soaked in sweat and rain and totally dehydrated. I just wanted to kiss their plugs and maybe their wifi. Of course it would have been really helpful if they had posted their hours on the door. Whatever...

I have been here in this cafe for like two hours now and I'm really kind of dreading leaving. Like I'm afraid if I leave it'll disappear and I'll be internet-less forever.

Paul will be getting in from Singapore tomorrow and the rain is supposed to stop sometime in the middle of the night tonight so things are looking up...Perhaps it is time to go back to being accused of being not good enough to be the maid. Sigh.

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wingless was still breathing at 1:30 AM - 0 comments

Friday, September 19, 2008

a special place in hell for the people who did this

Just another inevitably sad story from a city where the DA cares more about criminals than innocent citizens. I think this comment from "moseman23" says it all:

Unbelievable. How many innocent people have to die because of the incompetence and neglect of Kamala Harris's DA office? I had to listen to her voice on the radio today trumpeting her own heroic aggressive action to fine the parents of ELEMENTARY school students who are truant in SF. This is what she is using to suck up to the Obama people to get a job in his administration. I hate to say it, but after the vanishing arrest and conviction rate for murder and mayhem, treating gangs not as murderous criminal enterprises but as wayward youth, the dead witnesses, the fraudulent use of border protection money, Harris is starting to make Sarah Palin look like a competent manager.

I wonder if the ridiculousness of liberal policies on display here in this city will make some more San Franciscans vote for McCain?

Hm...on second thought, it's still pretty unlikely.

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wingless was still breathing at 6:06 PM - 3 comments

the sun'll come out?

I walked out of the office this afternoon trying to think of what clever analogy I could use to describe to the internet the sort of soul crushing day I just had.

Except then I walked past this lady digging through the garbage for people's leftover Starbucks frappuccinos and McFlurry's and combining them together in old water bottles. And I realized what an overly dramatic douchebag I can be sometimes.

Today...wasn't great. At one point I remarked to my coworker that I understood why the windows in office buildings don't open because suicide rates would probably increase. By a lot. I don't think I've ever been on as many conference calls as I've been on in the last two days. Or been more stressed out over something I really had zero control over at all. I guess this is what it's like being a salesperson...no power but you get to bear the brunt of the blame. Why do I want to get into sales again? Oh yeah, because it's still better than any other career path at an investment bank. I think?

Anyway, I may not have a job soon, but I still have a roof over my head and a wonderful husband who is making me some sort of fancy pasta tonight. So I'll make it through like I always do. Things aren't so bad.


wingless was still breathing at 4:37 PM - 0 comments

Thursday, September 18, 2008

one of those days that makes substance abuse seem really, really appealing

You know, I know every job has its off days, but seriously? I feel like I've just been punched in the head by a sumo wrestler. An extra big one.

You don't want to know what my day consisted of, but let's just say when you're dealing with crap that involves numbers with six to nine zeros after them...things can get Stressful. Or STRESSFUL!!! even. It doesn't help that tensions are high for everyone in the company, what with the feeling of impending doom floating around everywhere and everyone wondering if their jobs are the ones that are going to be identified as "overlap" (which is just a euphemism for, see you at the unemployment line!). Yeah, good times right?

So anyway, I am finally home. After only an eleven hour work day (and when I say eleven hours I mean eleven hours, like I got up to pee twice and that was pretty much it). It would have been a twelve hour day except I forgot to set my alarm last night and woke up to my cell phone vibrating next to my head and my coworker going "UH?" So yeah, even though I got to sleep for an extra hour, no my day did not start off well and it kind of just got worse from there.

Somehow I don't see things getting better anytime soon either. But luckily I am going on a two and a half week vacation next week! The only question is whether or not my key-card will still work when I get back. Or if the office will even still be there. You know, whateve's....

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wingless was still breathing at 5:21 PM - 0 comments

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

we laugh but we cry

LIBOR is up, the stock market is down, like what, 400 points, bills are trading at almost zero yield. Um yeah, is it too soon to call this an apocalypse? I laugh but I'm really crying inside.

Okay, okay, am I being overly dramatic? Maybe. Even if I lose my job, I'll find another one....right? Right?? The good news is I passed my Series 63 today so if I get to keep my job I am (almost) officially able to execute trades! Wahoo! If I have a job that is.


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wingless was still breathing at 4:15 PM - 0 comments

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

the sky is falling

Holy cow, things seem to get more dire by the day. WAMU was trading at a 1 handle for awhile today and so was AIG for those of you following along at home. Fun stuff.

Turns out this whole credit crisis is about to hit a lot closer to home for yours truly as my job may now be in jeopardy thanks to the events that unfolded today. (People in the know might now very well know which company I'm working for but since I think mainly only friends read this anyway, I don't really care). Ah well, at least if things really go south it'll come with a severance package and an unemployment check. And I'll take it as a sign from God that yes, it is time to go and get that MBA after all.

There were lots of jokes flying around about our job security in the office today, we all laughed but I'm pretty sure everyone was crying a little bit inside.

Still, things could be worse. Of course, they'll probably get worse so I shouldn't be saying that. It still boggles my mind how most people don't get how serious things are, how it WILL affect EVERYONE and not just those big bad wall street banker types...

And while we're talking about all this, Hot Air has a great post entitled: Whose policies led to the credit crisis? which links to a 2003 NYT article with some awesome quotes from Democrats that make me wonder who re-elected these chumps?? And will they continue to be re-elected even now when it's become apparent how completely retarded and even dangerous they are when it comes to our economy?

"These two entities - Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac - are not facing any kind of financial crisis," said Representative Barney Frank of Massachusetts, the ranking Democrat on the Financial Services Committee. "The more people exaggerate these problems, the more pressure there is on these companies, the less we will see in terms of affordable housing."

Representative Melvin L. Watt, Democrat of North Carolina, agreed.

"I don’t see much other than a shell game going on here, moving something from one agency to another and in the process weakening the bargaining power of poorer families and their ability to get affordable housing," Mr. Watt said.

Erm, yeah, as Bart Simpson would say, the ironing is delicious. If only it weren't so sad. Read the whole thing if you care to be well informed on the genesis of this entire crisis.

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wingless was still breathing at 3:34 PM - 0 comments

Monday, September 15, 2008

It's the end of the world as we know it....

Everyone take cover. It's so weird to me that people outside of the industry don't get that it's a big freaking deal when an investment bank like Lehman goes down. Hello? Do you not get that investment banks serve a purpose? They're not just big useless behemoths that make a ton of money....


wingless was still breathing at 4:37 PM - 4 comments

Friday, September 12, 2008

Obama campaign mocks former POW for being disabled at the hands of America's enemies

Over at The Corner people have been wondering if perhaps there is a reason McCain doesn't use the computer or email...and they've found their answer:

McCain gets emotional at the mention of military families needing food stamps or veterans lacking health care. The outrage comes from inside: McCain's severe war injuries prevent him from combing his hair, typing on a keyboard, or tying his shoes. Friends marvel at McCain's encyclopedic knowledge of sports. He's an avid fan - Ted Williams is his hero - but he can't raise his arm above his shoulder to throw a baseball. - Boston Globe (March 4, 2000)

Hm. So I guess this Obama ad is basically mocking a POW for the injuries he sustained in service of America. Stay classy Obama, stay classy.

It's kind of like the time Biden told a guy in a wheel chair to stand up. What exactly does the Obama campaign have against people with disabilities?

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wingless was still breathing at 4:21 PM - 0 comments

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Dear Mr. Obama

I know this has been floating around the internet for awhile now but it somehow feels fitting to share it with you here today.

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wingless was still breathing at 4:59 PM - 0 comments

Seven years ago...

Somehow today was just another day. Except it wasn't. And it shouldn't have been.

I remember the complete trauma of this day seven years ago and I don't believe I am alone when I say seeing images from that day or hearing the stories still makes me cry.

All day, it felt wrong that there was no mention of what happened seven years ago. I wanted to bring it up but didn't know exactly what I wanted to say. It felt like everyone had forgotten.

Of course, that may have had something to do with the financial markets imploding all around us.

I am so tired.

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wingless was still breathing at 3:03 PM - 0 comments

Thursday, September 04, 2008

And by the way...

It seriously bugs me how all these liberals pretending to be up in arms over Sarah Palin "belittling" community organizers in her speech last night. I'm sure they're well aware of Obama's own comments where he compared his own experience as a candidate to her experience as a mayor (of course, ignoring the fact that she's been governor for almost two years) and talks about how she only managed 50 people and a budget of $12 million a year. This is what Sarah Palin was responding to in her speech and I'm sure the left, which can't stop drooling over every word uttered by their hero, knows it.

Update: Oh brother...Hot Air has a new story up and the title says it all: Man who ignored Palin's status as Governor aggrieved at lack of recognition as Senator

For a man, Obama sure cries a lot. It reminds me of the time when my little cousin and sister were four and five years old, respectively, and they were fighting with each other and my cousin bit my sister (pretty hard too!) but then he started loudly crying right along with my sister so that my grandma couldn't figure out what the hell was going on and who bit who.


wingless was still breathing at 3:53 PM - 0 comments

Judgment to lead?

Apparently, Obama is finally conceding the undeniable fact that the surge is working. From his interview with Bill O'Reilly:

"I think that the surge has succeeded in ways that nobody anticipated," Obama said while refusing to retract his initial opposition to the surge. "I've already said it's succeeded beyond our wildest dreams."

Of course, being Obama, he's conveniently forgotten that one man certainly anticipated the success of the surge - that man being John McCain of course. Oops.

Obama also says in the interview that Iran is a "'major threat' and it would be 'unacceptable' for the rogue nation to develop a nuclear weapon" which is certainly a far cry from his own words earlier this year:

"I mean think about it, Iran, Cuba, Venezuela, these countries are tiny compared to the Soviet Union, they don't pose a serious threat to us the way the Soviet Union posed a threat to us...You know Iran they spend 1/100th of what we spend on the military. I mean if Iran ever tried to pose a serious threat to us they wouldn't stand a chance..."

Of course it actually makes sense that Obama would completely contradict his own words from just a few months ago. Its pretty much become standard operating procedure for him to at first just say whatever comes naturally into his liberal head...and then later deciding that maybe John McCain is right after all and he better just say something similar. Need another example? How about his reaction to the Russian invasion of Georgia?

Sounds to me like the left's Anointed One is more of a follower than a leader.

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wingless was still breathing at 3:28 PM - 0 comments

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

bradley jacobs is a douchebag


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wingless was still breathing at 4:19 PM - 0 comments

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