I kind of feel like I'm in that episode of Sex and the City where Carrie realizes that what's wrong with her relationship with Aidan is the fact that nothing is wrong. Except unlike Carrie, I have no problem with this whatsoever...I'm so over Mr. Big I can't really even consider him "Mr. Big" anymore. And unlike Aidan, Paul doesn't get on my nerves and looks really hot in a tank top =x So everything seems to be going perfectly right now...*knock on wood*

Anyway, I need to think of places to take Paul in the Bay Area and I'm drawing a blank so any suggestions are welcome =)

I'm sleepy.

Oh yeah, Juble, our lunch guy, also makes stops at the Kerry headquarters in West LA and Matthew keeps bugging him to get us a bunch of bumper stickers and pins and other paraphernalia (not too sure why). So yesterday he finally comes in with a John Kerry pin, but the funny thing is he said that's all they would give him...he said their hq was covered in bumper stickers but they wouldn't give him any. Democrats are weird. Anyway...go Victory 2004! =)

I will seriously cry on November 3rd if I wake up to a President John Kerry. You don't want that on your conscience do you?

Taz has fleas right now. I ordered her some Advantage but it hasn't come yet so in the meantime I'm being eaten alive =\ I don't understand why suddenly after two years (and never going outside) she's suddenly getting fleas. Could it be the apartment?

More later at work...It's been slow this week.

And to Miss Lianimal the guy is Paul =) You met him at Garden of Eden remember? He was the one that followed me around all night haha. Everyone is rather proud of me for not getting with another guy who will treat me like crap.

Let's see, what else is new...Jesse...my supposed "best friend"...let's just say I don't have the warmest feelings towards him right now and can't forsee that changing in the near future. As Henry would say, Jesse "crossed a line" and once you've crossed it there probably isn't any going back. It's ironic because Jesse thought it was such a big deal that our friend C kinda made a move on me while I was with Eric. Bleh, I'm too angry and annoyed right now, I probably shouldn't elaborate.

And anyway, I have to go to work. I think I wrote this half asleep.

There's no non-cheesy, pathetic way of saying this so I'll just come out and say it already...I'm with someone who makes me really happy and is not a bastard =) Officially!

I know that I can't expect someone to magically change my life and make things all better but I don't know why I do believe that being with the right person can make you change for the better...Okay I'm going to stop now cause I know no one likes hearing this crap =) I just had to share cause its my website and I feel like gushing.

I'm pretty much set on leaving my job now though. My brain feels like it's rotting into an unrecognizable jelly and I think spending that many hours inside is really getting to me. We're not even allowed to leave for lunch apparently (which is highly illegal but oh well). I think I'd really enjoy teaching preschool...I need to be around innocence and simplicity. At the very least children are simple right...simple minds...simple lives...everything is very straightforward with kids. Adults are too...complicated. Politics and money are too complicated.

I think things are looking up though. Maybe I can be happy at least for a little while now. Maybe I'll explain later why if I feel like it =) Or you can just ask me and maybe I'll tell ya.

Since I'm at work but not really doing anything I've had a lot of time to wander around the office and think. What conclusions have I come to? I rely heavily on defense mechanisms...the problem is some of these (many of them actually) aren't exactly healthy. Actually maybe a better way to describe it would be "passive aggressive." I can be very passive aggressive. I won't elaborate on it but I need to do something...the only problem is I don't know what to do. I feel so stuck right now, in all aspects of my life and it's starting to get to me. It's scary because this is the feeling that always proceeds falling into one of my depression holes and I really don't want to go back there again. But I'm afraid to ask for what I need...and maybe I don't even really know what I need. Not that that would be out of the ordinary. Bah, what do I know, I'm rambling...I've been at work for twelve hours and I'm hot and exhausted and cranky and I have a sinus headache and....somebody shoot me now.

I was going to ask J if he wanted to volunteer at the Bush event next week despite our big fight and his baby-ishness but when I mentioned it to P last night he said he'd be interested in volunteering (I guess even if you're not a big Bush fan it's still cool to get to see the President of the United States in such close proximity). Plus I don't know if J would take any "favors" from me right now since he's probably still pissed off.

P and I are nearing our six month mark...I think sometime in September. I don't know where we are though. Or how attached to him I'm allowed to be. This is the first relationship I've been in where the lines are not clearly demarcated and I'm still deciding whether or not I like it this way. But since everything between us is good why rock the boat right?

My job is giving me an inside look at what goes on behind the scenes in politics. There is...a lot of internal politics within campaigns haha. Don't know how much more I can say about that.

I got a chance to watch the final day of the DNC, including Kerry's 55-minute yawner. The man has two expressions: plastic smile and stern looking frown. My coworkers finally got to see how I can be when I'm all fired up and yelling at the TV.

Friday was Thelma's birthday bbq and while the bbq itself went but unnecessary and untold drama occurred before the event. Very silly and stupid, junior-high style, drama in my humble opinion. I finally realized that at a certain point you really can't keep trying to protect someone who isn't making any progress in the right direction.

It makes me wonder. Am I progressing in the right direction? Is anything in my life? Or am I just stagnating now into a situation I don't want to be in?