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This man wanted to be our Commander in Chief?
I mean, seriously??? Michelle Malkin has lots of updates including Kerry's latest statement in which he does not apologize and blames the eeeeeevil Republicans and babbles about how Republicans are mean to Michael J. Fox. I'm becoming a bigger and bigger fan of YouTube because Kerry can try to spin all he wants but the video doesn't lie. Sorry bud. EDIT: You know what though (and this has been pointed out by various people in the blogosphere) this is John Kerry telling the truth as liberals see it. This is how they view our troops: dumb, underachievers who can't do anything else with their lives. I mean why else would anyone join the military and defend the country, right? I guess Kerry considers himself an exception to this rule because he joined the military to further his political aspirations and not for any silly patriotic reasons.
Monday, October 30, 2006
I have this really uncomfortable feeling today. Like something is creeping up on me but I don't know what. I think it has to do with the future and useless worrying and not trusting God enough. I have to keep reminding myself that God led me to where I am for a reason and He's not going to just toss me into the wind now. Not after all He's brought me through. The good thing, though, is that this really does make me feel better.
Just drove my poor self back from Los Angeles and I reeally don't wanna go to class in 45 minutes. Or take (another) midterm in two and a half hours. Thanks, but no thanks. I actually had an incredibly productive Thelma also told me where I can get the bridesmaids dresses made. I love Thelma. So after successfully selecting a wedding gown (and doing the happy dance because NO MORE DRESS SHOPPING WHEE!) I knocked out not one but two doctor's appointments. Which means I'm good...until my next doctor's appointment, but let's not talk about that because the point is I got a lot done on Friday. I even stopped in at Sushi-Mac for a couple of those good ol' Dynamite Mac Rolls. MMmmmm....baked mayo. Anyway, I'd like to inject a bit of politics into this totally non-political post because I just spent four and a half hours in the car and about half of that was spent listening to Rush Limbaugh, who I don't get to listen to often enough. He was talking about Lynn Cheney's appearance on Wolf Blitzer (last Friday I believe, my Day of Productivity) and how she totally pwned Wolf Blitzer and CNN. This didn't surprise me in the least because I have had the pleasure of meeting Lynn Cheney and hearing her speak at a fundraiser during the 2004 election and she's nobody's fool. I don't use YouTube but you probably do so I definitely recommend that you go look it up and watch the segment. At the fundraiser in '04 one of my coworkers half-joked about how we should make her the VP candidate instead. No arguments here. Rush also spent a lot of time talking about how CNN ran that video of terrorist snipers, provided to CNN by the terrorists themselves. I think I read something about that on Michelle Malkin's website last week but CNN allowing themselves to be used as a terrorist propaganda tool doesn't really surprise me so I don't think I read the whole article. However, I thought Rush asked an excellent question in regards to CNN's defense for why they ran the clip...you know the whole journalistic integrity bullsh*t line...So here's the question for those of you who didn't get to listen to Rush all morning long...What if the US military contacted CNN (although in the case of the terrorist video it was CNN that contacted the terrorists and said "please please pretty please give us something, we'll be really nice to you") and told them they had great footage of what our troops were able to do in various parts of Iraq? Would CNN run it? Or would they consider it propaganda and refuse to run it? I'm sure we all know the answer to these questions. And it just makes it that much more clear why CNN is FoxNews' b*tch.
Friday, October 27, 2006
I have a confession to make, and I hate admitting this but...I won't be voting this November. But it's not that I don't want to, I really can't. I forgot that when you move you have to reregister. And you have to do it more than 13 days before an election. In fact, you have to do it 15. So I can't vote. But you can! So I hope you're voting Republican. And I'm doing my part by participating in John Hawkins' googlebomb. (AZ-08): Gabrielle Giffords (AZ-5): Harry Mitchell
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
"You should go visit the Maginot Line."
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
On my way to bed but my friend just sent me this and it was too funny to not share. So go! Laugh! wingless was still breathing at 11:58 PM - 2 comments
It kind of just hit me that in a few short months I'll be living in Paris. More specifically, living in a two-bedroom apartment in Paris...with three other people. Which means, for the first time since sophomore year of college I will be sharing a bedroom with someone who's not Paul. Lord help us all. It's not that I'm worried my roommates won't be cool (they're my classmates and I already know they are cool) it's just that, well, I'm kind of a homebody. And I like my privacy. So unless they are all social butterflies who are constantly out and about (wandering the bitter cold streets of Paris in the wintertime) it may be a really long four and a half months for me. But you'll be in Paris! you say. Yeah, but even when I was in Manhattan with Paul during the springtime, and the weather was absolutely gorgeous, I could only muster up the energy to spend a couple hours each day outside of the hotel room. What can I say? Going outside is exhausting and I'm usually just as happy sitting around with a book or a good movie. Especially if it's freeazing outside, which I'm told it will be. I mean, I'm sure I'll wander around Paris looking for restaurants and checking out the amazing museums, but I can also picture myself just sitting around in my pj's a lot. And because I'm a hermit, I enjoy this most when I am alone and can thus do things like play sudoku for hours at a time without anyone looking at me like I'm a weirdo. Which, I know, I am, but I don't need someone looking at me like I am one when I'm in the comfort and privacy of my own home! (Not that I would blame them though because if I were them I would and this is why I enjoy having the option of just shutting the door). Is this called being anti-social?
I was doing so well, did you notice? Blogging every day, sometimes twice a day. But I think I'm fighting a cold because I have zero energy. Barely enough to even drag my bum out of bed at noon (after crawling into bed around midnight and taking a 2-hour nap the previous afternoon) and then my brain feels so squishy that I can barely speak in complete sentences - so forget about writing. I'm pumping myself full of vitamin C as we speak because hell freakin no can I afford to get sick.
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
So after reading Dan's article about how to be a closeted conservative while attending institutions of higher learning, I totally outed myself in class today. What can I say? I'm opinionated and even though I know most people here won't agree with me, I'm still I'm pretty sure I'm right and they're all just wrong. Anyway, I outed myself (not that it was exactly a secret before, but I think everyone knows for sure now that I land squarely on the right side of the political spectrum). And then I almost got into it with one of my classmates because I said something about terrorists being a-holes and he hit me with the "But you guys created them"-line. As though that makes it okay for them to murder 3,000 innocent people for going to work that morning in September. Heaven forbid people be, you know, productive! I was about to launch into a whole speech about how we all control our own destiny and although there is a point at which one should look back and assign blame, in the present the only person one can change is themselves, and besides are you saying we deserved 9-11...but I saw the professor looking at me, so I managed to swallow what I was about to say before I got really into it and started getting too excited and talking loud enough for the whole class to hear. I have a feeling the language difference would add a whole new dimension to any heated political argument. Did you say what I thought you just said? would no longer just be a sarcastic retort, it would actually be a legitimate question. Hm. Could be frustrating. Even more frustrating than the usual argument with a brick-wall/American-liberal. Which brings me to something that is currently annoying me. This stupid rule banning tag at some schools. Because the kids might get hurt! Think of the children! I mean, nobody likes it when kids get hurt, but for goodness sake, it's a part of life! Why not just ban recess altogether? Because what if the kids have fun being able to play like children or something? This is what bugs me about liberals, they think of the world "as it should be" and not how it is. In the real world there are winners and losers and crappy things happen sometimes. Yeah it kinda sucks. Yeah it would be nice if we could protect our children all the time and make sure that nothing bad ever happens to them, but you know what? Not possible. It reminds me of another story I heard on the radio maybe about a year ago that talked about how one school banned teachers from grading tests in red pen. Because red is too "harsh." They told them to grade in purple. I guess because purple is gentle and not "harsh?" Um...yeah. I was a kid once, not so long ago actually. I remember falling down, skinning my knees, elbows, palms. Getting splinters from playing in the tanbark. Blisters from the monkey bars. I got smacked in the face by an errant basketball once and my toes bled from my pointe shoes when I was in ballet class. I went skiing and fell over quite a few times. Same thing ice-skating. And I fell many, many times waterskiing. I got a bruised bottom from riding on the back of my cousin's wave runner, chasing yacht waves. Sometimes we would hit the waves so hard I'd go flying away into the water. But I lived. And I had an awesome childhood. Sure I fell down and hurt myself and it wasn't so fun, but I don't mind because of all the fun I did have. I'm not saying children shouldn't be protected. Children should be protected from child molestors and drugs and Paris Hilton and all kinds of other dangerous things. But tag? Red pens? Those are the kinds of things kids are going to have to face no matter how much we want to protect them. We can't protect them from knowing the feeling of failure once in awhile. And we shouldn't want to protect them from it because without ever having that bitter taste of defeat in their mouths, what will inspire them to never feel that way again? Liberals are trying to raise this whole generation of soft, pussy-ass children (pardon my French) and it's really quite disturbing. I know I'm going a little off on a tangent here but I think this is a clear example of how liberals are feminizing education. How are you gonna tell a bunch of 7-year old balls of energy, also known as little boys, that they can't chase each other around during recess? I mean geez, pretty soon the only recess-approved activity will be to sit around and braid each other's hair. Monkey bars? Tether-ball? Hopscotch? BUT THE CHILDREN MIGHT *GASP* FALL DOWN/TRIP/GET SMACKED IN THE FACE! Anyway, back to kind of the subject at hand. I don't understand why these are the things liberals feel they must rush to defend children from. From feeling "bad" about themselves. From skinned knees. And yet, my mom has clients who's parents are cracked out drug addicts and the state is freaking desperate to reunite them with their children. Gah. I. Just. Don't. Get. It. At. All. I don't remember where I was going with all of this. Bottom line: Playing tag is a part of childhood, just like falling down, skinning your knees and the occassional test marked up in red pen. Deal. I get how women can be liberal because women are all about feelings and emotions and making the booboos better, but liberal men? What the hell? Dad's are the ones that tell you to suck it up and do better next time. They're the ones that are supposed to believe you learn from your failures. I think it was the comedian Carlos Mencia who told the story of how when he was little he used to try to touch the stove and his mom would constantly tell him no because it was hot and then one day his mom wasn't home and the same thing happened with his dad and when he asked his dad what "hot" was his dad let him find out. And then he never wanted to or tried to touch the stove again. Gay men being liberal? I get. Women being liberal? I get. But supposedly straight men? I don't know. It's gotta be an act or else they were castrated at some point in their life right? American liberals just rely way too much on emotions and feelings, which real men aren't supposed to do. Not that real men can't have emotions and feelings but they are not supposed to throw all logic, reason, and practicality out the window. I'm going to stop now because I'm going off on all kinds of wild tangents and this post is simply not very cohesive and yeah. Done.
It took me ten minutes to open a new bottle of soy sauce this morning. Ten minutes. I miss Paul.
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Michelle Malkin has Harry Reid's statement regarding his shady land deal. It's pretty long, but if you don't feel like reading the whole thing, Michelle sums it up nicely: Sadly, that really is the gist of it.
Monday, October 16, 2006
I have a midterm tomorrow. The last one that I will lose any sleep over in at least two to three weeks or so. Got very little done over the looong-weekend because, well, I was tired. I actually got the most done when I went to go watch my friend Dan and his girlfriend bowl for a couple hours in Saratoga. Who would have thought? Two solid hours of non-stop studying. In a bowling alley. I feel so white trash =) Kidding, kidding. Bowling is actually much classier than it was when I was a kid, they have flat screen display boards and Um, anyway. What was the point of this whole post? Oh right, procrastination. So anyway, I got very little done over the weekend and I have a test tomorrow and like Lian I find myself furiously scanning other people's blogs as though somehow this makes me still productive even though I am not doing anything remotely productive. Please take my computer away from me.
Sunday, October 15, 2006
I forget how I got to this site yesterday but she is awesome. She hates LA (maybe even more than I do), is a conservative gal who voted for Bush, lots of tattoos and just an overall interesting read. Just as a little warning there is some explicit language and adult content, yadda, yadda, yadda. Did I mention I like her? She's cool too. UPDATE: Oh and she does have a myspace but, in her defense, it sounds like it was one of those coerced things, like why I got xanga (sneaky online communities that force you into joining in order to comment). She is so fascinating that I went through all her archives and I must say I love her election 2004 post-coverage and all the recent drama. Good stuff. I know that I shouldn't be all like "Ooh yay, girl has drama in her life, entertaining!" But I can't help it. My life is very...stable...which is how I like it, but it does not make for very interesting blog posts. *shrug* I confess, live vicariously through other people's blogs.
Saturday, October 14, 2006
"That's like your Dad's viagra." wingless was still breathing at 2:23 PM - 0 comments
Friday, October 13, 2006
This whole wedding thing is getting to be a big headache. Unfortunately I think it's too late to call it off because we've already put down deposits and informed family members and all that so I think I'm just going to have to bite down on something hard and go all the way with it. I spent part of my afternoon dealing with my insurance company and various billing offices and I'm really...tired. Sorting this stuff out is giving me a headache. And I think I'm supposed to start thinking about save-the-dates now but I really don't want to. Wedding planning wouldn't be so awful if it weren't for the fact that you can't really just do what you want to do. Exhibit A: The Guestlist. Oh the horror. It would be so simple if you could just put whoever you wanted on the list without having to think about how every extra name is an extra x amount of dollars. Conversely, it would also be simple if you could just cross names off the list without people telling you so-and-so will cry while looking at you like you are the spawn of Satan for even suggesting so-and-so not be invited. Then there are the friends he feels he should invite who I don't want there (for various reasons I won't go into) and vice-versa. Fun times I tell ya, fun times. Have we picked a color yet, you ask? Why no, we haven't. And I know I should get crackin' on the wedding-gown-shopping-thing, but I've been kind of busy what with school and all and plus I've been feeling icky and dumpy and generally tired and did I mention dumpy? Besides I feel sick at the thought of spending $800-$1200 on a dress I will only wear once in my life. This brings me to something else that has been bothering me a little bit lately. I've always been the kinda girl that is too lazy to dress up 90% of the time and recently? It's become more like 100%. When Paul came up a few weeks ago I sort of tried. I put on a skirt and some contacts but that was about it. It's been about twelve-hundred years since I got a haircut or put on makeup. I think my classmates are beginning to wonder if I ever wear anything other than sweatpants and pj's. On the night we got engaged my small group leader actually said, "Wow, you're not wearing sweatpants, you should do this again next week." Because, yeah, that's me, sweatpants girl. It's always kind of bothered me, but it's become a bigger deal to me for some reason I guess because before I just wanted to be comfortable and now I just feel fat, crappy, and altogether too exhausted to even try. When I'm not in class I just want to be asleep and what bugs me is there have been days where I tell myself I'm going to try just a little, put on contacts, maybe some mascara before going to class and I just can't do it. I'm so tired all the time and I hate it. I'm in this kind of weird funk where for the most part my mental/emotional health is okay, but I look like crap and I can't make it stop. I've never been one to care all that much how I look (obviously) but I think it's getting to a ridiculous point where I have to care or pretty soon I'll be one of those people that scare children while walking down the street. And I don't want it to get there, but I'm feeling like it might. So tomorrow? I'm determined to wear something other than the same pair of fat lady pants that I've been wearing for the last three days. I will put on my contacts no matter how red my eyes are and no matter how tired I am. I will brush my hair. Perhaps I will even put on some makeup. But for now this is just me...  And because Taz is cuter...  Good night. 
Thursday, October 12, 2006
At one point I was thinking about applying to Columbia for a graduate degree but after the recent debacles? Um, yeah, definitely not going to happen, not even if Paul is in NY for b-school. As I've mentioned before, I don't like being force fed mindless propaganda in classrooms that masquerade as bastions of unbiased education. Via Pam of Atlas Shrugs, this excellent article explaining how things have devolved to this point. Go read the whole thing. I think I just may go pick up a copy of Bloom's book.
There was a flurry of conversation between my house and Taiwan tonight. Some of the news was good: Paul finally called! It was so great to hear his voice and he is having an awesome time in Taiwan meeting all his relatives for the first time. Some of it was, well, less than stellar: My grandmother is showing signs of the early stages of Alzheimer's. At least, according to some doctor in Taiwan. I am not all that confident in the abilities of doctor's in Asian countries because at least some of them seem to have the tendency to randomly diagnose people with things they just heard about at conferences. But my grandmother's short term memory was clearly not so great during her most recent trip here and my aunt in Taiwan said there's been a lot of other peculiar behavior related to cleanliness and forgetting she was already wearing pants and pulling another pair over the pair she was already wearing. Not Good things like that. I think we are all somewhat in disbelief because really, she didn't seem that bad in August. Her long-term memory was still perfect as ever and she seemed to selectively remember things. If anything my grandfather seemed much more confused and disoriented and we were actually much more worried about him. But I guess if it is true and my grandmother does have Alzheimer's it's time to start dealing with it. My mom is thinking about going back to Taiwan for a few months at the beginning of next year and hopefully Paul and I will be able to take a trip there together after the wedding since it looks like my grandparents probably won't be able to come here. *Sigh* It kind of sucks that the first wedding my grandma won't be able to make it to will be mine, but c'est la vie. I just want her to be okay. It's really scary to think that there's a possibility she might not recognize me the next time I see her. After all this was the woman who potty-trained me when I was one and walked me to the bus stop in the mornings when I started kindergarten. All of this has also gotten me thinking about my own parents and about how they are getting older and that scares the bejeezus out of me. I can't imagine my life without my mom and dad and honestly? I really don't want to. I depend on them for so much, even just the idea of them makes me feel better a lot of the time. Bah. This whole getting older thing sure has its downfalls.
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
According to this study I would be at my most fertile...Never. Which doesn't bode well for me considering I do want to be a mother someday, like ideally in four or so years. Why have you turned on me UCLA =( I guess I better pack up my beloved sweatpants and pj pants and start showing more skin.
I think my dad has decided that when I move back to Los Angeles next year the cat is staying here. He told me yesterday that the moving would be too traumatic for her - and he also thinks that she prefers living with him because he scoops her litter box every night, which is something Paul and I could never bring ourselves to do. Which my dad does do. Every night. After he gets home from work. My mom is jealous because she said that when he gets home he is supposedly too tired to even bring his dinner plate from the table to the sink. But the cat's poop gets scooped every single night without fail. However, I don't think I could handle permanently living 360 miles away from my baby so the only feasible solution to all of this is that Paul and I will have to find jobs in the Bay Area and we will shuttle the cat back and forth between our house and my parents so that my dad won't get cat-withdrawal and start seeing phantom cats that aren't really there walking about the house. I'm not kidding. This happens. In fact, it happens to me all the time. I will be sitting in my dorm room typing away on my laptop when I'll swear I see a cat walking around the apartment out of the corner of my eye. And I'll think to myself, "Oh it's just Taz." And then a few more minutes will go by and I will realize that Taz is at home with my parents and that I am slowly losing my mind because there is no cat here and yet I totally just thought I saw one. What can I say? You get used to a small non-human animal wandering about your living quarters and it feels weird when suddenly it's just all people everywhere and no one jumps into your bed at night and uses your foot as a tiny pillow. Although admittedly I'd be pretty weirded out if any of my roommates tried it.
I finally have a little room to breath (no midterms for a week! a whole week!) and so I came home for a super-extended-long weekend. For some reason my school has decided that while celebrating Columbus Day on Columbus Day (this past Monday) is nice and all, we are much too cool to celebrate on the same day as everyone else and therefore we are celebrating it on Wednesday. Since one of my Thursday classes was cancelled anyway and it was my Dad's birthday today, I thought what the heck, I'm going home. Apparently, I'm old enough to make these sorts of decisions now. I was talking to a friend earlier and somehow ended up on his myspace page and then looking at other people's myspace pages and now I feel old and out of touch again. The other day someone asked me when I'm going to give in and join and I think that's going to be - never. I will not submit. Plus, I just don't get it. Why do people have like 8,932,496 friends? Who really has that many friends? And, DUDE! What the hell is up with the music? And those slideshow thingys? And the zillions of messages that say absolutely nothing that people seem to like sending each other every three minutes? What is that all about? See! Do you see that? That is myspace turning me into a cranky old lady complaining about "kids today and their myspace." All I know is that when I have kids, computers go in the living room where I will constantly be looking over their shoulders making sure there's no myspace funny business going on. I also still have yet to figure out youtube. I'm pretty sure it's not rocket science, but what can I say, I'm resistant to change.
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
As usual, I should be sleeping. But I'm awake. I'm exhausted. My joints ache. My back aches. I have a midterm tomorrow. But everytime my head hits the pillow I start thinking about things like the fact that my credit card payment is going to go through tomorrow and my old cable company still hasn't cashed my last check and ohmygod! What if they cash it tomorrow?! Because I don't have enough money in my checking account for both payments which means I need to transfer money out of my savings account RIGHT NOW! And voila. Here I am. Awake and online. Also, I knew not being able to talk to Paul for days was going to be rough but man, this reeeeally sucks. He's like this balancing force in my life and accordingly his absence is making me unbalanced and crazy. The fact that his trip is coinciding with *that* time of the month doesn't help matters.
Monday, October 09, 2006
In my Options class we've been studying something called the Black-Scholes formula which is a formula that theoretically prices European options. The amazing thing about this formula is that it is basically the same (complicated) formula that physicists use to explain heat diffusion. When I learn about things like this I can't help but marvel at the world we live in and how there must be a God up there for everything to be just so. A few weeks ago my mom watched March of the Penguins for the first time and she told me that it gives her that same feeling. "All's right with the world, because God's up in His heaven."
As an undergraduate majoring in Political Science I was exposed to a lot of liberal propaganda in many, many of my classrooms. One thing I was really looking forward to about studying International Finance is that numbers are concrete, and I figured, if anything, my professors should be more on the conservative side since finance seems to be based on logic. So I was a little bit dismayed when my Management of International Business class magically became Corporate Social Responsibility. And I was even more dismayed this afternoon when in my CSR class I was forced to watch a short video detailing the evils of WalMart. Apparently, WalMart is owned by the devil and the managers at WalMart like to torture small animals while they beat their employees into submission. Or something like that. I'm sure the video wasn't totally full of crap. I'm sure that some of the accusations made about WalMart are valid. But I really resent being shown a one-sided video and being told that THIS is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. It's kind of insulting to be expected to eat up propaganda as though it were the gospel. I would have been just as insulted and annoyed if the professor had shown us a WalMart commercial and told us, "See! WalMart is wonderful and benevolent and doesn't care about profits, only its employees and customers! THIS VIDEO PROVES IT!" After watching the video I had the same feeling I had after I watched Bowling for Columbine. Sure it made some good points but they were hard to swallow in light of the fact that the "documentary" was clearly one-sided propaganda.
Sunday, October 08, 2006
* I guess word got back to the DNC that they had a Canadian soldier on their veterans webpage. Michelle Malkin reports that they've since replaced the image with one of an American flag and Lorie Byrd notes that the pictured flag appears to be a bit burnt. * I spent my day studying options and watching football (did y'all see that crazy Randy Moss TD catch between his knees?) with my French buddy Kim. It was fun explaining all the rules to him and seeing his reaction to the big hits and the dancing. * If Financial Aid doesn't deposit my money soon I'm going to, well, there's not much I really can do, so I will just sit here and continue to wait for it. Angrily wait for it. Four weeks and counting. * I have a zillion dollars worth of unpaid bills. See above.
This is what I saw when I opened up my blinds this morning: A family of geese! You can only kind of see it in this picture, but my window opens up to a view of one of the campus lakes. When I walk around it to class every day I often see ducks, geese, even cranes! I really need a better camera, y'all. When I first decided to come here, I was afraid that the culture shock would be traumatic. That I would hate it and long for the commotion and the hustle and bustle of living in a city. Now? I'm not sure what it is I thought I would miss about horns honking, sirens blaring, or the rude, self-centered attitude of 75% of the people there. I do miss Tommy's chili cheese fries though, and the pastramachilicheese at Johnnie's. But other than that, I feel quite at home here. I marvel every day over how nice people are here. In order to get into the dorm complex you need to come through a locked-gate. Without fail, people hold open this gate for each other, even if you are so far away that they have to stand there holding it for you as you pick up the pace to a slow jog. Guys and girls do this for both girls and guys. And I've been happy to have the opportunity to return the favor myself several times. It's so true that a good deed begets good deeds. People here smile at each other, even if they don't know each other. This kind of friendliness is taboo in Los Angeles. The store clerks do not seem bored and disinterested, but instead never fail to offer you a smile and some familiar banter. As you can see, I just can't get over it. There is really something to be said for life in a small town. The stillness and peace and quiet here is rather amazing too. Yesterday I went to my friend Kim's place at 12:30 pm for a lunch date, he was still asleep so he didn't answer the door but since he lives on the second floor I decided to stand outside his room for a bit, staring across the dorm complex. There was nothing. I saw a plastic bag blow across the grass, but not another soul. And it was so perfectly quiet, the silence broken only occassionally by the sound of a bird warbling. So, I really love it here. I'm not sure that I could live here permanently, but I think four months of this is exactly what I needed after six years in LA. I think being here will go a long way in restoring my faith in the goodness of people.
Right now Paul is in an airplane headed for Taiwan, approximately an hour off the coast of California. By the time we see each other again, we won't have seen each other for twenty-six days - which is the longest we've been apart in the two years and five months that we've known each other. Also, because of the time difference and the cost we probably won't be able to talk on the phone much, which is going to be really, really hard because I honestly can't remember the last time I went twelve hours without hearing his voice. This afternoon someone asked me why I am marrying him. I never know how to answer this question because I never know where to begin. I'm marrying him because he's the best man I've ever known. I'm marrying him because he treats me better than I ever imagined anyone would treat me. I'm marrying him because when I look at him I envision tiny new people that are both me and him and the mere thought of it thrills me in a way I can't even explain. I'm marrying him because he is my better half. Because he knows how to give me exactly what I need without even trying. Without me asking. Without me even knowing. I'm marrying him because I love him more than I thought was possible. And because he makes me want to be a better person because that is what he deserves. And that, barely even scratches the surface of it. It terrifies me sometimes because while I used to believe that maybe there was a pool of people out there who I might be compatible with, now I know that there is only him. Before I met him I figured that I would never find someone I was completely happy with, because of my idiosyncracies and the nature of man. I thought that I might be mostly happy someday, but complete happiness? I think it is unimaginable to most people. And yet, I am. And I know that there is no one else out there who could make me this happy. And I really can't imagine living life without him. And that is why I'm marrying him. And I have to speculate that God himself
Note to my friends: Please don't think this is about you, because it's probably not. Honestly. My position on friendship has always been that everyone makes mistakes and that friends are not there to judge you or criticize your choices. They are simply supposed to be there to experience it all with you, good or bad. Part of this is just that I hate confrontation and therefore hate having to criticize people, especially my friends. The other part of it is that I believe people should make their own mistakes because that's how we learn. Besides, I've found that criticizing or giving advice is usually pointless (even when it's solicited) because in the end people follow their own hearts and minds and do what they think is best even if everyone else tells them it's wrong. At the end of the day, each of us has to live with our own lives, our own decisions and our own mistakes. No one else does. Lately I think this has kind of come back to bite me in the rear. I've become the "reassuring" friend. The one that you go to when you've done something bad and you want someone to tell you it's okay and that everything will work out in the end. It's not that I necessarily mind being this friend 99% of the time, because I don't. I like that my friends come to me for comfort and a pat on the back. I like that they know they can come to me with their darkest secrets and that I will not judge them for it, that I will still love them. Except. Except, when they've done things I just really can't be supportive of. I don't know, maybe it's because as we get older our mistakes become more significant, more consequential. And lately there have been times when one friend or another has come to me wanting that comforting squeeze of the shoulder and I simply can't give it. Because I don't think what they've done is "okay" and I don't really think things will be "okay" and if they are then I would unreservedly be happy for them but I just can't tell them that it will be. Sometimes I wish I could find it in myself to be the friend that says, "I still love you, but honestly? You f*cked up." But I guess, that's just not me.
Saturday, October 07, 2006
Yesterday I took a few of the international students to Walmart and FoodMaxx. In the parking lot at FoodMaxx while we were loading up my trunk with a hundred dollars worth of groceries I suddenly remembered the "Support the Troops" static sticker Paul gave me last week and climbed in the back seat so I could display it in the rear window. Since the people next to us were backing out I closed the door as I tried to make sure the sticker was centered. The international students were still behind the car loading the groceries in and I guess they thought I couldn't hear them because one of the Europeans said to another, "I could never put a political sticker on my car." I was a bit taken aback because I'm so used to the American left at least pretending to support the troops. But I must say, the honesty was refreshing. UPDATE: Well, they would pretend to support our troops if they could just figure out who they are. UPDATE II: Hm, LGF has evidence that the DNC was aware of the fact that they weren't actually posting a picture of an American soldier (or at least whoever photoshopped the picture was). I guess they just can't bear the thought of actually supporting our troops. Which goes back to my original point...at least the Europeans are honest. UPDATE III: LGF has another update saying that the DNC may not have realized that the photo was photoshopped because a previously photoshopped version is available at istockphoto.com. Either way, it is still embarrassing for the DNC that apparently no one there is aware of what an actual US military uniform looks like. And also, in the keywords describing the photo at istock "canadian" is listed as the third one down. It makes a lot more sense to me that whoever created the DNC page is just ignorant and doesn't know (or particularly care) what an American soldier looks like. I was having a hard time figuring out why they'd actually purposely use a Canadian soldier.
Blogger is making me very angry. This post will probably not be posted until tomorrow morning because Blogger has decided to go on strike every night for the past three nights and the trend continues. I'm having another sleepless night and the worst thing about sleepless nights is that they essentially amount to hours and hours of wasted time because I am incapable of studying anything involving numbers after a certain hour. That hour being 1 a.m. Last night though? I slept like a baby. A baby drugged up on Nyquil. My sinuses were bothering me something awful all day yesterday and so I joyfully took the opportunity to take some Nyquil and experience a blissful night of sleep. The bottle is still sitting on my desk, taunting me, daring me to take a chug. But I won't. Because I do not feel sick tonight and if I take it I will wake up feeling groggy and incapable of doing anything that requires more effort than laying in bed and watching TV for several hours. Of course, at this rate, I may not be waking up until lunchtime anyway. But I am not going to let myself become a Nyquil addict. I am just going to stubbornly lie in bed watching Forensic Files until I pass out.
Thursday, October 05, 2006
The other day I was talking to an old high school friend about the past. And whether or not we'd relive it if we could. He said that if he could he'd go back and redo high school and college. Me? Not so much. College? Possibly. College was a fun time and I wouldn't mind going back and fixing a few mistakes such as not studying enough for certain tests, waiting until the last minute to write 20-page research papers, not getting to know my professors, etc. But the thing is, I like where I am today. And if changing a single step I took in my past would mean not having Paul in my life today then I wouldn't redo a thing. Although my personality predisposes me to looking back on the past more often than I should, I honestly believe that God led me down the path I took because I am supposed to be here. And I am very content. And because of that I can't say I regret a thing. Now high school on the other hand? You couldn't pay me to relive high school. The only way I would ever choose to relive high school is if the other option was a slow painful death. And even then, I'd probably think about it for a few minutes. High school was hell. That almost doesn't seem like a strong enough word for the experience that was high school. You know how usually after a few years have passed you tend to look back on things and only remember the good? Um, yeah, not with high school. More than six years later, the mere thought of reliving high school still makes me feel queasy. Beyond the usual issues like: gossip, cliques, drama, drama, did I mention drama? There is also the fact that my high school consisted mainly of super-competitive, cut-throat, asian kids who would stop at nothing to be number one. A bad grade on a test could easily mean tears - lots and lots of tears. And since I was on the honors/AP track it was all that much worse. I admit it, I cried over a math test once. At recess. In front of people. And got sent to the counselor's office because I couldn't stop. (In my defense, it wasn't just about the test, there was also some of that ever-present drama). Our teachers would often curve our tests to ensure maximum competitiveness and because I think they enjoyed watching us claw each other to death. I spent many sleepless nights working on one project or another while simultaneously studying for two different tests and trying to write an essay. I. Am. Not. Kidding. See? Hell. The reason I decided to write about high school today is because I just got back my very first midterm as a master's student. I got an A. 100% to be exact. And yet somehow, I am just a tiny bit disappointed because the class average was 88.45% and the "Mission mentality" (Mission was my high school) has left me with the feeling that doing well only means something if you're doing significantly better than everyone else. I know, I know, I'm a sick, sick person. But at least I know where it comes from. And that is why I would never willingly relive high school.
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
As I mentioned yesterday I will most likely not be voting for Arnold in the gubernatorial election this November. But, I will also not be voting for Angelides, because puh-LEASE. I feel that I can do this because even though Arnold is somewhat more in line with my views than Angelides, I honestly don't think Arnold has the will or ability to do anything of consequence should he win another term. The problem in California is that the Democrats have a stranglehold on our legislature, thus making it virtually impossible for a weak-willed RINO to push through anything that we Republicans want for our state. However, after reading Beth's post yesterday regarding recent blogger defections from the GOP I feel the need to clarify my position a bit. I am not voting for Arnold because while I do think Angelides winning will be bad for the state, I also don't feel things would necessarily be much better if Arnold won. Again, because of our heavily Democratic legislature. Maybe taxes will go up a bit, the business climate will decline a bit, etc. but eventually this will just mean people will get fed up with their representatives and vote for some real change. Or at least, that's what I hope will happen. On the other hand, I believe it is absolutely crucial that the GOP hangs on to at least one chamber of Congress. Whatever beef I have with the GOP (and believe you me, there is plenty I am angry about, starting but not ending with immigration policy) national security STILL overrides everything. Whatever the Democrats say, they are still the party of military impotence and blame America first and that is not what we need. Not now when we face a very real threat to our security from an enemy that would do anything to kill Americans. I think the situation with Iran and the fact that Tony Blair will be stepping down as Prime Minister of the UK makes the idea of Republicans losing Congress altogether even more disturbing. With Tony Blair out, and the Democrats in control here in the US, what would Iran have to fear? The UN? With it's thirteen French tanks? Yeah, I'm sure that'll have Ahmadinejad shaking in his boots. Sandals. Whatever. And let's not forget about crazy old Kimmy in North Korea. I'm sure no one would be happier to hear the Dems are back in power than him considering how easily his dad was able to blackmail Clinton. So anyway, that is why, even though I live in one of the bluest counties in the always blue state of California (Alameda, in case you were wondering), there is still no way in hell I'd vote for a Democrat because Bill Frist is being a dickwad. I'm not even sure that there is a Republican running in my district, but no matter, nothing short of torture could make me vote for a Democrat this November.
Michelle Malkin always looks good, but has anyone noticed that she looks especially cute in her new video directed at YouTube management? Speaking of which, my friend George has informed me that it's possible that it's simply some kind of bot-thingy made by jihadists (or people who support jihadists) that flags all videos with certain tags. Then they can go back and make complaints about all of those videos to YouTube which will take down the video until they have time to review it. Considering the volume of videos available at YouTube I guess they can't do much to improve their monitoring system but they really shouldn't tell people that their videos are being removed for inappropriate content. They should just inform people that their videos are being removed temporarily until they can review it themselves. Of course, this is assuming that this whole thing is the result of these bots and not just people at YouTube being asshats. On a side note, like the whole myspace thing, am I the last person on the planet who doesn't browse YouTube?
Apparently hell may now be frozen over because I have another midterm tomorrow (Hm, I suppose since it is well past midnight I should say: I have another midterm today in like exactly 10.5 hours minus four minutes) and I did not even tweak the layout or make that list on my about me page or anything. I am feeling very proud of myself. All I did was study (okay, and play "a few" games of websudoku, which I am sad to report is my new addiction after kicking the minesweeper and before that the spider solitaire habit). BUT let's just make me feel good and believe that ALL I did tonight was study. Study so furiously that I forgot to eat dinner and then made some EasyMac at 11:30 at night when I realized my stomach was making funny noises and I haven't gone grocery shopping in a week and a half. So after eleventeen thousand hours of studying today, what do I have to show for it? Have you ever noticed how a prolonged study session can leave you feeling like you a) got really drunk a few hours ago and are now regretting it, or b) are running a really high fever? Or is that just me? Except if I were drunk I'd probably be able to fall asleep right now. Thus, the lesson here for all you kids out there is "drinking > studying." Just kidding of course!
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
I realized last night that John Hawkins was kind enough to link me in last Friday's weekend links. John Hawkins is the best and whenever he links me my hits suddenly explode, which is awesome except when I have nothing of substance written, like, right now. I could lie and say that I've been too busy with moving, starting school, constant back and forth between SF and LA, but, well, that would be a lie. It's not that I haven't been following the news or what's going on with the upcoming elections and politics in general, because I have. I still read RWN and Ms. Malkin, amongst others, religiously and I even started receiving the Wall Street Journal since it was strongly recommended by all my professors. So no, it's not that I'm much too busy and have fallen off the face of the earth, it's just that, I feel rather disheartened by everything that is going on. I know I shouldn't be all defeatist and everything, but the state of things is seriously depressing. For example, the California gubernatorial race. Arnold vs. Angelides. Who the hell am I supposed to vote for amongst those two? On the one hand you've got Arnold, the RINO who would actually consider signing this piece of crap legislation that makes illegal aliens eligible for financial aid (by the way does anyone know if he signed it or not, I heard he was going to but I'm not sure). On the other hand you've got...Phil Angelides. 'Nuff said. I do want to vote for certain candidates in the state election (like Tony Strickland who I have personally had the opportunity to work and hang out with - he is a REAL Republican who definitely deserves our support) but I will most likely not select a candidate for governor. Honestly, I think it may be better for the CRP in the long run if Arnold doesn't win. Why? Because he is not a real Republican in terms of his actions (at least not since he got his feelings hurt when all of his initiatives were struck down in the most recent special election) but when his liberal-like antics run the state further into the ground the Republicans will get the blame for it just because he has that (R) behind his name. At least if Angelides wins the blame can be placed right where it belongs: with the Democrats. Maybe then people will get fed up enough to vote out the Democratic legislature that keeps passing crazy crap that is often clearly against the will of the people of California. This is the only way to effect any real change in California...getting rid of that firmly entrenched Democratic legislature. So yeah, I think I'm just going through one of these periods that a lot of California Republicans probably go through...when you start to feel like the whole world is made up of illogical leftists and you can't do crap about it. I'll get over it and get back to being my usual passionate, opinionated self soon. I hope.
I should be sleeping. This seems to be a recurring theme with me. It's weird because I am not a morning person at all and I love to sleep but I just hate the process of going to sleep. I hate that period of time that seems to stretch endlessly between being awake and being asleep. It may have something to do with the fact that I tend to get inside my head too much (can you tell) and this problem is only magnified by nighttime and darkness and trying not to think about things so I can just fall sleep already. Unfortunately, that works about as well as telling yourself NOT to think about an elephant. Or hippo. In other words, not very well. Also, I have crazy dreams. Before, when I would go through fits of depression, they would often be extremely dark - morbid would probably be a more appropriate word. There were mornings when I'd wake up and be seriously concerned about my mental state, because I could actually smell the dead bodies rotting in my dreams. Thankfully I haven't had Maybe I will try a sleeping pill one of these nights. Or maybe some Nyquil.
Monday, October 02, 2006
All throughout college I would engage in the self-destructive habit of redesigning my website right around midterms and/or finals. Considering UCLA is on the quarter system this is probably why there were so many redesigns from 2000-2004. As of last night I had a banner (thanks to my photoshop genius friend Dave) but I had done no coding whatsoever and I thought to myself, Gee I guess I won't be finishing or working on this anymore before my midterms since I've got two this week (Tuesday, also known as tomorrow and Wednesday, also known as the day after tomorrow). I was all, Wow I am so grown-up, mature and responsible now. Of course, as you can see, HA! Hahahahah. When I got back from class this afternoon I was suddenly possessed by the desire, nay the need, the undeniable need to redesign. Because after all I have a midterm tomorrow and so, duh! Must! Redesign! NOW! So here it is. Nothing super incredible but it's where I am right now. Almost a quarter of a century old and very little idea of what comes next. But whatever it is, I can't wait. And THAT is really something.
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