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"Being too charming was never one of my faults." - Kill Me Later
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jellyfish
I'm done! Just got back from the UCLA grad party at Garden of Eden a couple hours ago. It was crowded, sticky and completely asian-filled but I had fun...even in spite of being harrassed by a pushy asian guy who wouldn't remove his arm from around my waist. The thing that I hate the most about clubbing is the fact that it reminds me I can be way too nice, to the point of stupidity. For example, I got an answering machine because when a guy I don't want to ever speak to again asks for my number I give him my apartment number. The answering machine is relevant because ever since I started going out and actually meeting guys I've been screening my calls, this way they don't feel bad thinking I gave them a fake number (since they hear my name on the machine) but I never have to speak to them again =) I don't know what it is I just hate having to reject people. Maybe because rejection is my greatest fear so I hate having to do it. I'm always trying to find a way to say no without actually have to say no, but I'm finding that guys can be annoyingly persistent. Like the guy who kept putting his arm around my waist. I wanted to sock him but at the same time he seemed so pathetic that even when he said "Just tell me you're not interested and I'll leave you alone," all I could bring myself to say was "I just really have to go with my friends now." If anyone deserves to be rejected, that guy did, and yet I don't know what's wrong with me, I just couldn't bring myself to say it. Even though in retrospect that would definitely have been the correct and intelligent, not to mention completely justifiable, thing to do, at the moment all I could think was...it sounds so mean. And you know what, it's not even really that mean! So what the heck is wrong with me then?
It's funny, when it comes to politics, no one can say I have no spine. But when it comes to life? I'm a jellyfish.
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