Truthfully, getting out of LA would be ideal. Lately I've been feeling the need, the desperate desire really, to get the hell away from this place. I wish I could run away to someplace completely new. If only I could afford to meander through Europe for awhile (or forever). Somewhere where I could get lost for awhile and not give a damn because I wasn't looking for anything anyway. Except maybe myself.

I definitely got this from my dad. Wanderlust. I think one of the reasons I'm such a contradiction is because my parents are complete opposites personality-wise and I'm a mixture of both of them. My mom is a very family-oriented, stability-oriented person who means what she says and says what she means and rarely strays from the course she's mapped out for herself. This isn't to say my mom isn't a risk-taker...after 20 years as a computer programmer with Bank of America she left her job to get her masters in family therapy and she just recently started a counseling center out of our church back home. She made that decision to go back to school and she saw it all the way through. This is probably what I admire most about both my mother and my sister, they have this amazing ability to dedicate themselves completely to something. They will never give half of themselves to the things or people or God that they love. So anyway, I'm pretty sure the part of me that craves stability and tradition comes from my mom.

Then there's my dad, who's a completely different story. I know my dad loves us, but the part of me that has this romantic notion of wandering a foreign place alone comes from him and I know that a part of him probably always has one foot mentally out the door. My dad has been interested in a million different things, most recently his music, but before that there was the *insert derogatory adjective* bitch he cheated on my mom with, before that there was the stock market, before that there was his flea-market stand...and so on and so forth. I can be like that a lot too. My mom periodically brings up the fact that she thinks I have ADD. It's funny my mom is totally anti-medication (she is a therapist after all and not a psychiatrist hehe) but the more she gets to know me the more she thinks I need to be medicated for all these psychological disorders.

Neither of my parents are lazy though, so where did that come from? Hm...Oh well, that's beside the point...

So that's why I'm always going in two different directions, can't make up my mind for shit and yet I know exactly what I want too. And that's why I say I want stability but I wish I could run away from what's shaping up to be a "stable" life right here in Los Angeles. I want an unstable stability. My dad has a lot of romantic notions of how life should be. And I think I got 'em all.