I hung out with Mars, Gary and big Kevin last night...originally Eric's friends but I got custody of them for the night I guess. Talking to them made me realize I'm still pretty...bitter? Maybe hurt. I don't know. I do think I'm mostly over him, but there are things I miss. Being with George was like a lesson in what I don't want in a guy or a relationship (not that it was all bad, but it was definitely a learning experience), but I don't think I would have ever gotten tired of Eric, or at least I never did until the end when he was just pushing me away. Even then I was a damn devoted girlfriend. I miss the playfulness...the goofiness...I don't know. I really shouldn't think about this anymore. It just makes me wonder. I was so ready and willing to settle down with him (you know, the big M) but I was in that place all by myself. And when I think back to when he was active in the Marines and how much he would miss me and how it seemed like he wanted to settle down too...I don't know. Would I have stayed with him while he was in the Middle East if I didn't expect to marry him? Shouldn't that have been a clue to him? I guess I just feel a little bit tricked and a little bit used by him. I was there for him when he needed someone because he was alone and lonely and craving comfort and stability...and then once he got to a place where he didn't need that so much anymore I went into the garbage can along with all his other past (temporary) passions...like his motorcycle...paintball gun...etc. This post has really devolved into an incoherent ramble. But I just can't help but feel like he threw me away. And if Eric, who I honestly believed would never break my heart, could do that to me, then why should things ever be any different.

Bleh, I'm stupid.