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Wednesday, September 28, 2005

i'm having one of those crap days weeks

I think I'm starting to get depressed again and I don't really have a good reason. I just have that feeling again like there's this big hole inside me and nothing can console me. I know all the Christians out there are screaming that it's God I'm missing and I know that my relationship with Him could be better but honestly I'm not sure that that's it. Unless, my relationship with God is so incredibly messed up that it's that bad and I have no clue at all. I try, at least I think I try, to keep God in mind, to keep Him with me all day at work and at home. Why is it so hard? Is it just this hard for me?

I don't know, I just get so sick of being in a worldly environment. I know that there probably is no totally Christian-friendly workplace out there (unless I work for a church, but I know enough about church politics to know that even this is not always the case) but...Sigh...I guess I shouldn't have that mentality. I should try to be a light under a bushel right? I know, I know. But it's so hard sometimes. And I am so very imperfect and easily influenced.

And I'm tired this week. And I feel like a failure. And my hip is starting to hurt. And I really just want to crawl up into a ball under my blankets and cry for awhile.

Also, Paul is feeling miserable because he just got a couple wisdom teeth yanked and he keeps spitting up blood and the left side of his face is swollen.

One thing I did accomplish today: Finally got my insurance company to acknowledge the fact that I have hit my out-of-pocket maximum for the year. Insurance companies suck. But they are awesome too. Because now I don't have to worry about medical bills for the rest of the year.

wingless was still breathing at 7:08 PM -

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