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Wednesday, October 26, 2005

stupid inflammation

Something I've always known about myself but never really come to terms with, is that I am simply not the kind of person who can suck it up and "put up" with something I don't care about. If I believe in something? I can bleed for it. I can work 12-hour days without a lunch break, give up my Saturdays and evenings with my hunny to staff an event. I can do the most brainless, tedious, mundane work and put up with it FOR AN ENTIRE YEAR, just because I care.

I am the type of person who needs to work towards more than money - I need a cause, a goal, something to believe in, support and even fight for. Something that has meaning beyond what kind of house or car or clothes it can allow me to afford.

It breaks my heart that my job ISN'T to help people. To support people. To make other people's lives a little bit better and to give them some hope. To shed some light.

Maybe it's because I grew up with the luxury of never having had to worry about money. I had, for the most part, a wonderful and lavish childhood where I never wanted for anything and always had more than what I needed. Money? Has never mattered to me, it has never been an issue, I have always had the luxury of assuming that I will never go hungry or not have a roof over my head. I am fully aware of how lucky this makes me. But my point is, I think it's hard for me to conform to the money-centeredness of the world because I've never had to struggle the way others have. Money is important to some people because they know what it's like to not have money and to need it and to suffer for the lack of it. I, on the other hand, am allowed to remain naive and idealistic, believing that I can find a career where what I do is bring a little light to the lives of others, money be damned.

What is my point? As per usual, I don't know. I found some things out today that certainly make it look as though God is flinging open doors but I'm still just not sure. Sigh.

wingless was still breathing at 8:44 AM -

it was easy for me to help people until i started meeting the ones i was helping. it seemed to me that the majority of the needy were just taking advantage of me.

some people really needed help. but others just wanted whatever i could give.

i definitely know where you're coming from mlah...but i don't know...that only makes me feel more depressed about the world...i'd rather just hide my head in my shell and imagine the world to be a better place than it is haha...guess it's the silly liberal in me >< (and they think i don't know exactly where they're coming from)
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