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Thursday, October 20, 2005

well i can dream, can't i?

So you know how the doctor I saw on Tuesday was joking around about how at least one of my organ systems was working properly? Apparently, she was wrong. I got a call at work today saying something "off" had come back on a test and it could be nothing or it could be something so I need to go in for a procedure they claim is simple but "uncomfortable."

Which is just fabulous. Exactly what I need. As if I don't have enough to worry about in terms of keeping my job, but now I have to schedule my zillionth doctor appointment which is probably going to lead to me not having a job and thus plenty of time for future appointments. Yay.

It got me so down that even though my work day was pretty productive I started sobbing on the drive home. And then I got home and laid down on the floor and kept crying. I think I am okay now.

I just....I don't want to deal with my body anymore. I'm so sick of being sick and I love my doctors but I'm sick of seeing doctor after doctor after doctor. And I hate that the people at the freaking pharmacy start pulling out my 8 gillion prescriptions before I even open my mouth to say my name because they already know who I am because I'm there so dang often. I hate it. I want to just...quit. But I can't. Because what? Quit life?

So one more thing is wrong with me and I don't know what to do anymore. I know that life is supposed to be struggle and the hardships make the good times that much more precious and blah blah blah, but I'm soo tired. I'm just so tired. I just want to lie down and sleep for a hundred years and never have to see another doctor for as long as I live.

wingless was still breathing at 5:57 PM -

Keep your chin up Joyce.

-- John Hawkins
Thanks John, I'm trying =)
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