But anyway, even though it's about lesbians, the show is really just about relationships and life and most of all, friendship. It's sort of a more dramatic lesbian version of Sex and the City.

Like Sex and the City most of the relationships are failed ones. It got me to thinking about my own relationships and how lucky I am to have found what I've found. As my mom the therapist always says, people have patterns and usually they don't break until we get help. Maybe she says that because she is a therapist in need of clients but I think there has to be some truth to it because what else would change us? If we go through each relationship making the same mistakes and never learning, why would we suddenly change without any outside intervention right?

There's this one character in particular who I feel for. I think I could have been her in another life. In fact, I could have been her in this life if not for Paul. She's the writer, lost in her own head, abandoned in a lot of ways when it comes to love...she ends up on the bathroom floor with a razor blade.

Before and after Eric and I broke up I felt like that a lot. So lost, so alone, confused, hurt, empty...mostly empty. In a lot of ways being with him was like being alone. Part of it was the physical distance that separated us, but part of it was emotional too. Sometimes I'm not sure if it was him I was in love with or just the idea of him. I loved being with someone who had such a sense of duty...patriotism. But I don't know if I really loved being with him. Because truthfully we were bad for each other. I wanted everything he couldn't give and he didn't want what I wanted to give.

But I can't really blame it on the guys I've been with. For the pain of the relationships, that is. I admit it, I am an especially needy gal and I went for guys who couldn't deal with it. In fact, I'm surprised they put up with me for as long as they did. I'm surprised Paul puts up with me now. If my friend had a girlfriend like me I'd tell them to dump her and quick. So maybe I should try to change huh? Maybe I should go back into therapy or something.

Or maybe I should just quit rambling already and go to bed.