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Tuesday, March 07, 2006

baby talk

There was a time, not so very long ago, when I was a wanna-be liberal teenager who was fairly sure there was no good reason to bring children into this world.

When I was first diagnosed with my condition a little over a year ago, I raced home and started searching for as much information as I could (despite being explicitly told not to do any internet research by my doctors). It's true what they say about wanting what you're told you may not be able to have and it certainly held true for me when I discovered that carrying a pregnancy to full term can be very difficult for someone with my condition. Since then, it has weighed heavily on my mind. It may also have something to do with the fact that I now have a wonderful, adorable boyfriend who I'm certain will have exceptionally cute offspring, but dang, I want to know that I can have a baby.

And while I know we're not ready, I've been having baby cravings lately and I worry, can I? Am I physically capable of this? It sucks because as young women we spend a lot of time worrying we will get pregnant before we're ready but no one ever really prepares us for the possibility of not being able to get pregnant once we are.

So far, my doctors tell me that my tests indicate I don't have the hormones present that usually cause miscarriages and difficult pregnancies amongst women with my particular condition. Thank God for small things.

wingless was still breathing at 3:31 PM -

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