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This whole wedding thing is getting to be a big headache. Unfortunately I think it's too late to call it off because we've already put down deposits and informed family members and all that so I think I'm just going to have to bite down on something hard and go all the way with it.

I spent part of my afternoon dealing with my insurance company and various billing offices and I'm really...tired. Sorting this stuff out is giving me a headache. And I think I'm supposed to start thinking about save-the-dates now but I really don't want to.

Wedding planning wouldn't be so awful if it weren't for the fact that you can't really just do what you want to do.

Exhibit A: The Guestlist. Oh the horror. It would be so simple if you could just put whoever you wanted on the list without having to think about how every extra name is an extra x amount of dollars. Conversely, it would also be simple if you could just cross names off the list without people telling you so-and-so will cry while looking at you like you are the spawn of Satan for even suggesting so-and-so not be invited. Then there are the friends he feels he should invite who I don't want there (for various reasons I won't go into) and vice-versa. Fun times I tell ya, fun times.

Have we picked a color yet, you ask? Why no, we haven't.

And I know I should get crackin' on the wedding-gown-shopping-thing, but I've been kind of busy what with school and all and plus I've been feeling icky and dumpy and generally tired and did I mention dumpy? Besides I feel sick at the thought of spending $800-$1200 on a dress I will only wear once in my life.

This brings me to something else that has been bothering me a little bit lately. I've always been the kinda girl that is too lazy to dress up 90% of the time and recently? It's become more like 100%. When Paul came up a few weeks ago I sort of tried. I put on a skirt and some contacts but that was about it. It's been about twelve-hundred years since I got a haircut or put on makeup. I think my classmates are beginning to wonder if I ever wear anything other than sweatpants and pj's.

On the night we got engaged my small group leader actually said, "Wow, you're not wearing sweatpants, you should do this again next week." Because, yeah, that's me, sweatpants girl. It's always kind of bothered me, but it's become a bigger deal to me for some reason I guess because before I just wanted to be comfortable and now I just feel fat, crappy, and altogether too exhausted to even try. When I'm not in class I just want to be asleep and what bugs me is there have been days where I tell myself I'm going to try just a little, put on contacts, maybe some mascara before going to class and I just can't do it. I'm so tired all the time and I hate it.

I'm in this kind of weird funk where for the most part my mental/emotional health is okay, but I look like crap and I can't make it stop. I've never been one to care all that much how I look (obviously) but I think it's getting to a ridiculous point where I have to care or pretty soon I'll be one of those people that scare children while walking down the street. And I don't want it to get there, but I'm feeling like it might. So tomorrow? I'm determined to wear something other than the same pair of fat lady pants that I've been wearing for the last three days. I will put on my contacts no matter how red my eyes are and no matter how tired I am. I will brush my hair. Perhaps I will even put on some makeup.

But for now this is just me...

And because Taz is cuter...



Good night.

Comments:

You are beautiful. No matter what you wear your beauty will shine through.

I sympathize with you about the wedding planning.It would drive me crazy. If I ever get married. I want it simple. Beautiful but simple. Hopefully the woman I marry will agree (first I have to find her).

As you have said you will do for me, I will pray for you. You are a blessing to those around me.

God Bless

# posted by  Todd Mogilner : 3:38 PM

 

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