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Thursday, May 31, 2007

Just when I thought I had nothing left to say

Two things.

One, just got home from (finally!) meeting Jon and y'all, Jon is every bit as cool in person as he is online. And not just because he wrote a book and my blog is on a list in it or anything, but just because he really is a cool guy.

I'm not even sure how to say the second thing or what I want to say about it because every time I try to write it down I feel like a two year old brat throwing a tantrum. But here goes.

Ever since Paul and I got engaged (maybe even before that) I've been completely obsessed with the idea of having a baby. I don't know why. I should be happy with where I am, happy with getting married, moving to SF, getting my Master's degree and (hopefully) starting my first real career. Our LA pastor gave this sermon a long time ago that has stuck with me about people who always think that "the next step" will make them happy instead of being happy with what they have right now. I am totally that person. Especially since when I'm honest with myself we are nowhere near ready for children and we are really young and yadda yadda yadda.

So anyway, this morning I was reading this blog I haven't read in a long time, but which I used to read pretty much religiously and first started reading way back like eight years ago when I was a freaking senior in high school. Yes, high school. This girl is my age, we both have blogs but that's pretty much where the similarities end because she's much cooler than I could ever even aspire to be and incidentally she's a big ol' hippie. But that's besides the point. The thing is, she's pregnant. And as pathetic as this sounds I couldn't help but think, "Why not me?" Her post just got me thinking how we're always telling ourselves there's a "right" time but really the "right" time is just whenever it happens isn't it? She's unmarried, unemployed and the status of her relationship with the father is questionable, so a lot of people would say this is the "wrong" time for her but it's not because she's doing it. And having read her blog for the last eight years I'm sure she'll make it through just fine.

Okay, so there was no point at all to what I just wrote except that I want a baby. And also, I'm impatient. But also, since I am not pregnant maybe I will just have a glass of wine instead.

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wingless was still breathing at 12:57 PM -

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