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"Being too charming was never one of my faults." - Kill Me Later
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So after finally being released from my soggy prison, I feel kind of bad about what I wrote yesterday. My grandpa is a sweet old dude and it's not his fault he has Alzheimer's and is driving me nutso - someday that could easily be me right so who am I to say anything? I also think I figured out the psychology behind his fear of me being another "helper" - his kids (my step-uncles and aunts) totally suck and he's afraid that getting another helper is just another way for them to pawn him off on someone else. I came to this realization last night as I watched him dial his kids phone numbers over and over and over again for a half hour. The caretaker Ahnee told me that they never answer because they have caller ID and screen his calls. She also told me that his daughter never comes to visit despite literally living around the corner and that a couple of times she actually walked him over there to visit...one time the daughter wouldn't even answer the door and the other time she wouldn't let him come up but came down to chat with him for a little while. His two sons come once a week to give him his weekly allowance, they take them out to lunch but never stay and chat no matter how much he begs them to. On the other hand, my mom and assorted aunts and uncles take turns coming from the US to make sure they never go too long without having at least one of them around. Ahnee told me in Chinese that "his kids don't care about him, not like grandma's kids." Even my grandmother with her Alzheimer's is aware of the difference and when he asks who I am she'll answer, "This is my grand-daughter, she's come to visit me, unlike your kids and grandkids who never come visit you." It comes off as pretty mean so I'm glad he can't seem to hear her most of the time. It bothered me so much after talking to Ahnee that I had trouble sleeping and ended up calling my mom in the middle of the night. She said they never even went to visit much when their own mother (my grandpa's first wife) was dying of cancer so she doesn't expect much from them now. I know he had a hand in raising them and so perhaps it is partly his "fault" that they are the way they are, but from what I know of him (he's been married to my grandmother for 16 years so I knew him for a long time before his mind started to deteriorate) he's a generous man who loves his family very much so I'm not sure how his kids turned out to be a bunch of heartless vultures who are just waiting for him to die so they can divvy up the booty. My mom said one of their main objections against him marrying my grandmother was their fear that he would die first and she would inherit the apartment - nevermind the fact that he helped all of them buy their homes and they're all pretty well off on their own now. And nevermind that my grandmother gives him companionship when they would rather leave him to die alone and lonely. It just really shocks me to see people treat their elderly parents this way...especially in Asian culture where not only are you normally supposed to take care of your parents when they're old you're actually supposed to take care of them by living with them. Ah well, what goes around comes around right? I'm sure their own kids are learning a lesson right now in how to treat them when they're old and fading mentally. Labels: family matters, taiwan
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