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I'm sure I've been a real joy to live with lately.

I'm tired and cranky. By the time I get home I have no energy to do anything so the house is a mess and I still haven't even finished unpacking from our trip (yes, we did get back two weeks ago, you wanna make something of it?). I'm depressed and angry and spend most of our evenings bitching about how much I hate...everything.

I seriously can't remember a time in my life when I've been a more angry person.

Oh and also, the alcoholism. We went out after work three times this week (just me and the other two sales assistants, since we are generally the only people there by the time we leave). By Tuesday we decided we needed to drink after work and we have been half-joking about how we should be taking a shot at noon (when the wire goes down and we have at least passed that deadline for the day).

I feel like I'm living at work and by the end of the day, the morning feels like the day before.

Now, on top of the mountains of crap I've had piled on me in the last couple weeks, I've got some new sales people to "assist." I guess I've been lucky because my existing sales people have always treated me with respect and have even seemed apologetic about the work they throw my way. The new ones? Not so much. One of them didn't even bother to introduce herself to me before sending me emails asking me to do crap for her. I thought she was someone in the NY office (and also thought she was a he) until my coworker was like, "Uh, I think it's that chick sitting over there." Um, okay, so you really think I'm going to prioritize YOU over the people who have treated me well for the past year and a half? Doubtful.

Considering I go way above and beyond what's in my job description for my current sales people, I'm sure I won't be getting in trouble for telling her she needs to do HER job, her own damn self. I don't mind going the extra mile for people who appreciate it, but why should I increase my own workload to make her life easier when a) I don't know her and b) she's already treating me like I'm her own personal bitch and it's her first week here.

I'm just at my wits end, hanging in limbo, not knowing if I'm "safe" for a week or a month or two months or indefinitely. And truthfully if this is how the job is going to be from now on? They don't pay me enough. This was never what I wanted to do for more than a couple of years because honestly I know I'm capable of much more...it was just supposed to be a jumping off point and I was already coming to a point where I was ready for more. I don't even know what my point is except to say, I'm so freaking unhappy right now.

Labels: Depression, douchebags, the grind