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Well. I made it through another week. And I must say, I've had some shitty jobs in the past (as some of you may remember) but I have never felt this utterly destroyed on Friday before. Seriously, if today wasn't Friday, I'm not sure if I could have made it through another day of work.

I don't know what I'm going to do, because I don't think I can take much more of this and I don't see anything changing for the better in the near future.

In fact, I'm fairly certain it's only going to get worse.

And it's just breaking me. Sometimes at work when people are asking me to do things and it's like fifteen minutes before the wire goes down, I just want to start screaming, not because I'm mad at them, but because I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I'm being pulled every minute in fifteen different directions and it just doesn't stop for twelve full hours. And even then, I only go home because my systems run on east coast time and they start crashing on me.

So of course, I've been a total shit to be married to. In fact, I'd be surprised if Paul hasn't considered divorce at least a couple times in the last few weeks.

For example I totally lost it last weekend when he had the audacity to clean the apartment, and then vacuum on top of it. I mean, the nerve right? First I yelled at him and then started bawling and he was just like, Dude? It even took me awhile to figure out what exactly pissed me off so much about him actually wanting to not live in a pig-sty, but eventually I realized it was because I like my outward environment to reflect what's going on inside and it bugged me that suddenly it was going to appear as though everything was just fine and dandy when I was still such a mess inside. He didn't exactly get it, but the amazing husband that he is, he let me cry and held me until I stopped and then made me leave the apartment with him. We went to the nail salon and I got a mani-pedi while he got his claws (i.e. toenails) groomed.

I honestly don't know what I'd do without this man. Nothing good, that's for sure.

Labels: Depression, the grind, The Hubs