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Saturday, May 19, 2007

Welcome to the real world

So. Hey.

I'm back!

Yes, I know, not very exciting. Sort of anti-climatic really. But it is nice to be back.

I figured this out when I first moved to France and it holds true for coming back to the States - it's really the little differences that get to you. For example, toilet flushes being on the side of tanks rather than at the top. Or the way people don't stand to the right side of the escalator so that people who want to walk can go up the left side. Or feeling ashamed of how you really wanted a beer with your Taco Bell. No longer being able to make snide remarks at people standing two feet away from you because you know they won't understand what you are saying anyway.

When I was in France, especially towards the end of my time there, I was starting to get really antsy. I felt like my life in France was pretend-life and that my real-life was back in America, on hold, waiting for me to come home. It mostly had to do with the job that couldn't be found from 5,000 miles away and the wedding that couldn't be planned from across the Atlantic. Well, like most things, the grass is always greener and now that I'm back I'm wishing I had appreciated life being on hold a little bit more.

Real life...well it's not what I was expecting. Things are messed up on a lot of levels. Family, friends, things just seem to be in such disarray. And maybe I'm only feeling this way because my grandmother is in the other room moaning and my mom and aunt are going nuts trying to take care of her. Or it could be because I found out tonight that a friend has had cancer for the last few months, fucking cancer, and I've been such a shit of a person that even though I noticed chemo references in his profile I never bothered to ask him what was up. Yup. Go me. I fucking rule.

But you know what, I'm not going to make this all boo-hoo about me. Obviously there are bigger things going down in the world and I just need to grow up and deal with it. C'est la vie.


wingless was still breathing at 9:55 PM -

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