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Wednesday, April 22, 2009

like trying to get over an ex-boyfriend you're still secretly in love with

I think one of the biggest reasons I've been so torn during this round of house hunting is because we've been focusing a lot of our attention on the 'burbs this time. And as much as I don't want to end up raising kids in the city, well I don't have any just yet and I love this city dearly. More than I ever expected I could love a city not named Paris.

Since we've just made an offer on a great place near my parents home out in Suburbia, I've decided not to focus on things like how when the sky is blue and the sailboats are out in the bay I am still so shocked and amazed by the beauty of this city that after two years I sometimes still can't believe I get to live here. No, I will not focus on that. Instead, I will focus on things I won't miss if our offer does goes through.

I won't miss being constantly surrounded by people and cars and sirens and noises. I won't miss always being reminded that the world is a harsh and cruel place, reminded so often that you become numb to it all at the end of the day. I think fondly back to my days in T*urlock where people seemed to care about perfect strangers because it was a small enough place where you could care about people you didn't even know. I think being in the city for so long has made me hesitant to reach out when I see someone that may be in need...because in this city you pass someone in need on every block you walk and you start to feel like there is just nothing you can do about all the misery in the world.

I won't miss the city buses that stop on every block or the pedestrians and bicyclists who don't seem to be aware of the fact that traffic laws apply to them too (and yes, I am just as guilty of this). I won't miss those obnoxious Cri*tical Mass people or the random gatherings of ugly naked men in the street.

And yet, let's face it. Even with all that, there is so much more I love about this city that it more than makes up for its deficiencies. I'm just not sure if I'm ready to give it up. Ah well, it's in God's hands now.

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wingless was still breathing at 6:55 PM -

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