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Recently my days have been laced with this feeling of utter terror at how completely powerless I am in the grand scheme of things (i.e. where I will be one month from now). And since I'm being honest here, I might as well admit that I've been having these daily, mini-panic attacks, really? Since I graduated from college and realized how totally direction-less you are when you've just completed a degree in political science.

Don't get me wrong, I don't regret for a second majoring in political science. In fact, if I had it to do all over again I would still major in political science...I just would also have majored in something else too. Or at least minored. And not in Psychology. Or maybe I would have just made sure to kiss up to my professors and get the grades I knew I was capable of but was too lazy to earn at the time because I was young and stupid and did not realize that even in college your grades still matter. And then I would have gone to law school and would probably be writing about how much I hate life. BUT I WOULD HAVE HAD DIRECTION. So there.

Anywho, I guess that's really neither here nor there since the past is past and hindsight is twenty-twenty and really the problem isn't so much that graduating with a degree in political science = directionless but that I, in fact, was directionless.

So now, here I am three years later and I am no longer directionless, just kind of powerless and I'm not sure which one I like less. I'm trying to stay positive because I really have taken a lot of steps in the right direction this year and I am proud of that. And I am learning to be slightly less neurotic and more trusting in God's plan for me. It's one of those things that you have to say to yourself a thousand times before it gets in just a little. So yes, I will still continue to have my mini-freak out moments when the fact that I don't know what's about to happen will drive me crazy and I might hyperventilate a little...but then I get over it and go back to studying and taking one breath at a time.

Everything's gonna be alright. And yes, this post is more to convince myself of this than it is to convince anyone who might be reading it.

Some days I must admit
I still don't get this
Could be it's time to quit?
When days get like this
I slip into the night
Then stumble towards the light
Wake up and try again

Labels: God, Life