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Wednesday, August 26, 2009

hurts so good

Have you ever loved something you knew probably wasn't good for you? Like it was everything you ever wanted and yet in some sick twisted way that was exactly why it was so wrong for you?

Sometimes I feel that way.

No, not about Paul. He is so good for me it is really unbelievable I ended up with him in light of my penchant for choosing things that are bad for me.

I am talking about my job.

Which despite all my bitching and moaning, I do love. Okay, that's not exactly true. I love the industry and I'm hoping that after I pay my dues I will be moved into the position I really want. That's the goal anyway, we'll see if it comes to fruition.

But sometimes, I wonder. I wonder if I'm doing the right thing or if I love this industry precisely because it feeds into everything bad about myself. Things I should be trying to change about myself, not nurture. Namely, being impatient is a necessary evil because things are moving at breakneck speed so if you're not impatient, if you're not asking people to do things five minutes ago, you're probably not getting your job done. I am probably one of the most impatient people I know and I've always hated it about myself but it's almost become a virtue for me now at work. And being impatient ten hours a day can't help but spill over into the rest of your life (is there a rest of your life when you're spending more of your waking hours in the office than doing everything else combined?).

Anyway, I'm not really thinking about making any changes. Just thinking out loud. I can't and don't want to imagine doing anything else career-wise. I think I just need to find better ways to unwind myself after work. Which is why I ended up getting this after all. Maybe it's just wishful thinking but I think it's going to help me sleep at night.


wingless was still breathing at 3:21 PM -

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