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Monday, August 24, 2009

the quiet scares me cause it screams the truth

Sometimes I wonder if my recent mood has less to do with my life and more to do with sleep. Specifically, the fact that I am not getting nearly enough of it.

Actually, that's not true. Technically, I'm getting plenty of sleep. I'm probably averaging seven hours a night, which I know, is probably more sleep than you get (whoever you may be). But the quality of that sleep? Not good. I have lots of dreams. I usually wake up every three hours for no apparent reason, get up to pee because I'm up anyway before slowly drifting back to sleep.

Also, I have a confession to make. I'm totally addicted to Am*bien. I don't take it every day because I know you're not supposed to, but hot damn, if I could I would. I love how it knocks me out and I tend not to wake up in the middle of the night when I take it. But at the same time, I wonder if the sleep I'm getting is quality since I'm always tired nowadays and just don't feel right. Whatever "right" is supposed to be.

I'm thinking of purchasing a digital piano for myself, 88 weighted keys, the whole shibang. I'm thinking that with the stress of life (i.e. my job) I need some sort of emotional outlet so that I can settle down my mind before bed. I haven't lived with a piano in about ten years and at my parents house this weekend I realized I'm sort of forgetting how to read music which is scary because man I put a lot of years into learning that crap. So if I can figure out where the hell to cram in a digital piano into our tiny, overstuffed studio, I think I'm going to go for it.

Yet another distraction from studying for the CFA. Just what I need.

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wingless was still breathing at 4:27 PM -

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