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Last night one of my coworkers from the NY office was killed crossing the street. Yesterday I could have called her and asked her to walk me through something (like she had so many times before) and today I could not.

It's a cliche, but damn, life is short.

Today I got an email from the managing director's assistant. She wanted to know if I'm free to meet with the hiring manager for another group in our office.

Gulp.

It would be a step up, but I'm not sure it's the direction I wanted to go in. Of course, we don't always get exactly what we want and would be a good move for me career-wise. And I have been telling anyone who would listen that I want a change, any change, that would get me out of ops and into the business side of things. And I know the MD has been pulling strings for me. So I should be am grateful for that.

I'm just never happy am I? I'm trying to leave it with God. Trying to hold onto that song I used to love as a kid.

I cast all my cares upon You
I lay all of my burden down at Your feet
And anytime that I don't know what to do
I will cast all my cares upon You

It's funny how as we get older we become more and more aware of how little control any of us have over anything (when you're little you think your parents control everything). And yet as we get older the harder it is to let go of the perception that you have control over everything.

Labels: Death, navel gazing, the grind