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Tuesday, January 26, 2010

pursuing vs creating

I have been kind of unusually proactive lately. As you may or may not know, my mother the therapist long ago diagnosed me with (mild) bipolar disorder and this must be one of my hypomanic states.

After the earthquake I felt bombarded by images and pleas, calls to action, I started paying attention when the Christian radio station I listen to (The Message, XM 32) ran ads asking, "Do you pursue happiness or do you create happiness?" And then I saw a Meals on Wheels truck drive by. Stuff like that kept happening until finally I threw my hands up and gave in to the message God was clearly trying to deliver to me - DO SOMETHING FOR SOMEONE ELSE YOU LAZY...

I've felt this way before sure. Like most people with good intentions I periodically will see a cause or some sort of volunteer opportunity and think to myself, I should really do that, and then of course I do nothing. Because it's easier. And I am freaking lazy, probably one of the very laziest people I know when you get right down to it. But I knew that this time, this time, I couldn't let that happen.

And so y'all I am going to be a volunteer reading partner to an elementary school child and my first session is set for next Monday. I haven't reached the full blown commitment stage of things yet (that comes after the initial session when I get to decide once and for all if this is something I want to do) but I feel like I cannot turn away from this. If I do, I will be so very disappointed in myself. I will feel like the fraud I will be, that maybe I already am. I don't want to be that person. Not even if it's just to myself. You, dear internet, are the only other people besides Paul who know of this plan. Of this attempt to help create a little happiness instead of doing stupid crap to make myself temporarily happy (cough, blingy earrings that I did end up buying myself, cough).


wingless was still breathing at 8:38 PM -

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