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Wednesday, December 30, 2009

it is and it will be

This is going to be a quick, hyperventilating post, just before the new year! Paul and I think we've found a home that we love and has almost everything we want and need. Paul is ecstatic and excited to make the offer and I am excited but also completely terrified. If we buy this house then I guess the dream of quitting our jobs to run off to Paris (or fill in the blank sexy European city) is off the table.

It's just yikes! Am I ready to be a real grown up yet? I'm just a kid. Or am I?

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wingless was still breathing at 9:58 PM - 0 comments

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Merry Christmas!

I can admit this here, but I've never been a big fan of "Happy Holidays." This year, for some reason, it felt particularly bizarre because the building I work in is literally a sea of Christmas trees, Christmas presents and all kinds of other Christmas paraphernalia. Happy Holidays? What holiday do you speak of I wonder? Could it be Christmas?

I made it a point to write Merry Christmas in all of the cards I wrote to people at work and in all the emails where I made mention of the holidays. And then I was surprised at how shocked I was to hear "Merry Christmas" from the clerk at Walgreens and I made sure to smile broadly at him and say "Merry Christmas to you too!" And then I wondered, as a Christian would I feel "offended" if someone said Happy Hanukkahkuh or Happy Kwanzaa or Happy Ramadan or any other religious holiday greeting? The answer is a definitive No. In fact, I would feel grateful to be included in a holiday so special to them! So why then is Merry Christmas considered offensive in some circles? What holiday are we celebrating today? It's Christmas! So as a Christian I've decided I have nothing to feel sorry for when I wish people a Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas to everyone! And a very special Christmas shout out to all our service men and women around the world who are separated from their families right now.

This year Paul and I have decided that in lieu of gifts we will donate money to Wounded Warrior Project and World Vision in each others names. If you have someone in your life who seems to have everything maybe this is the route to go! Merry Christmas again and in case I don't write again, happy new year to you all!

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wingless was still breathing at 2:09 PM - 0 comments

Thursday, December 17, 2009

aww you guys are THE BEST

Not to be a constant downer or anything, but I have been sick for like going on three weeks now and it really sucks. I'm actually pretty cheered up today by the fact that Jon and Dan still visit (Hi Jon and Dan!) and somehow Dan managed to find my RSS feed which is really quite a shock since I didn't even know I had one. You really do learn something new every day.

But alas, I'm still sick. And I've been sick since before I took my CFA test a couple weeks ago and studiously avoided the doctor for as long as I possibly could. Part of it was that I really was super busy trying to do all that last minute cramming and the other part of it is that every time I get really sick, my bloodwork seems to go downhill and my doctor gets all concerned and it basically leads to me not having my meds decreased. Which is not what I want right now. More on that later.

Then one day last week my coworker called in sick and later that day announced via frantic phone call that he was possibly being diagnosed with The Dreaded Swine (Flu). At which point my brain started to recall the whole "if you have a chronic illness contracting swine flu could very well kill you" which was followed by a lot of panicking and leaving voicemails with my doctor's nurse (of course it was his day off). The next morning I was chastised by the nurse who basically commanded me to go see a doctor like five minutes ago and when I protested that I could not leave work because of my filthy diseased coworker who had possibly infected me with his germy little self, I was sternly told that I was PLAYING WITH MY LIFE HERE and basically she would not hang up until I promised to make an appointment with an emergency clinic in the city.

So I did, got some flu medicine and then spent the weekend feeling even worse with a low fever that simply would not go away. I've been feeling better and worse depending on the time of day (usually better in the mornings and worse in the afternoons) but I'm *hoping* I might finally be turning a corner. I am scheduled for blood tests this weekend and a visit with my specialist on Monday so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this illness hasn't wiped out all the positive progress of this past year....


Well, I have some goals for the coming years. Goals that for most people would seem within the realm of their control but feel oddly out of mine. One, I'm hoping to be promoted. Okay, so I guess this is not really something most people can control, but I feel like it's especially out of my hands because of the industry I'm in and the fact that openings for the position I want is rare in the best of market conditions and are pretty much non-existent in the current environment. I kind of feel lucky just for the fact that I can even imagine the possibility of being promoted into this position, but since I tend to be the type of person who is never satisfied, eh I'm not satisfied. I don't mean to sound ungrateful, I know how hard ANY job is to come by right now, but I just...want...more. You know?

And the other thing...the thing more directly related to my whole fear of going to the doctor...which also seems entirely incongruous with my "I want to be promoted" goal...I'd really love to get to a point physically where my doctor doesn't blanch when I bring up the possibility of maybe, possibly having a baby, like sort of soonish.

All this may not be the best idea considering I discovered MOLD in my cat's water cup the other day and wasn't sure how long it'd been there since I usually fill it while half asleep in the dark before work. So yeah, my furbaby has been possibly drinking moldy water for the last who knows how many days. Clearly I'm going to be a great, attentive mother right?

There's a lot more I have to say about this but alas it is now late and unfortunately not Friday (i.e. I must drag my happy ass out of bed long before the sunrises). I'm starting to feel a bit loopy now from the cough syrup w/codeine mixed with amb*ien and it's probably just better if I stop here for now.

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wingless was still breathing at 4:37 PM - 3 comments

Thursday, December 10, 2009

if at first you don't succeed...

Yeah. I'm not even going to bother trying to make excuses for why I haven't been here in weeks. Chances are, no one cares!

Life has been, oddly crazy and yet completely boring. I took level 1 last Saturday and it feels bizarre to come home from work and space out in front of the TV without those familiar pangs of guilt. In fact, I still have to remind myself that the test is over to quell the panicked feeling in my stomach. I suppose I could be proactive and start studying for level 2, but then I won't be able to use the "I didn't study enough" excuse if I don't pass it on the first try. Heh, just kidding, sort of.

So wow, it's December eh? That was fast. What were my goals for 2009? Did I have any? Did I reach them? I'm not really sure. I feel as though I'm in just about the same place as I was twelve months ago so probably not. It's funny how we start every year thinking it will be different from the last and they usually aren't.

And yet, I still do feel like maybe next year will be different, better, a year full of promise. A year of change (like real change, not hopeNchange). Here's hoping I don't get absolutely crushed.

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wingless was still breathing at 4:12 PM - 5 comments

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