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Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Basically it's all going according to plan...

Our officiant canceled on us. Today. Right now.



wingless was still breathing at 10:54 AM - 1 comments

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Keeping your head up

Instead of being a completely depressing downer, how about I talk about something cheerful? Like the wedding! Which, I admit, is not an entirely cheerful subject, more like very stressful and causing my hair to fall out but I'll pretend that's not happening and just tell you about The Progress. Because we are, in fact, making Progress. At last.

Hm. On second thought it's very limited progress because I've been racking my brain for five minutes and here's what I've come up with: Centerpieces! Dress has been altered! Boys know what they're wearing! And that is all.

I still need to figure out my bouquet (which, I know, I know supposed to be done MONTHS ago) and my hair and makeup (also, supposed to be done months ago) and the freaking program and figuring out how to keep our mostly male guests from being bored to death without having to resort to hiring escorts to keep them company. I'm thinking, karaoke? And alcohol? Those are the makings of a fun party right.

Oh yeah, I HAVE A JOB! It's official! And three weeks vacation!

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wingless was still breathing at 1:45 PM - 0 comments

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Being the bitch

I'm in a funk. And I'm sure Paul is really happy about the fact that he came up a week early and is spending his time off with this little crab.

I can't really figure out what my problem is and I wouldn't call it a mood swing because there is no swinging being done. Only steady, unabated crabbiness and unprovoked anger and prolonged periods of holding back tears for no apparent reason.

Of course, certain events do not help this situation. For example I got home this afternoon to find a reply card from one of Paul's friends. On Paul's instruction I clearly marked "1" after "total number of guests attending" on his reply card before I sent it. It was sent back with two names though, and one of those names happens to be the name of someone who was expressly NOT invited. She was expressly NOT invited because she's managed to rub me the wrong way each and every time we've met and since my parents are paying for the entire shindig and Paul did not seem to particularly care whether or not she was on the guestlist she was not sent an invitation. Awhile back, another one of Paul's friends also seemed determined to invite her and managed to really piss me off. For some reason, and I admit this may only be because of my current extremely emotional state, it now goes way beyond the fact this chick has gotten on my bad side and has turned into this thing where I'm miffed that people seem so freaking determined that she be at my wedding. I try not to fit into the whole self-centered bridezilla stereotype but it really bugs me that this wedding seems to be turning into something about her when it's supposed to be about ME! Remember, me? The bride?

And I HATE that I'm like this but I can't help it! I've let Paul take the reigns on 99% of this wedding (the only thing I've really picked so far has been my dress, I wasn't even there when Paul chose our cake) but this has now become the one thing that I feel adamant about. And I'm trying to figure out how I can be adamant about this without coming off like a complete bitch to Paul's friends who seem utterly determined that one way or another **** comes to the wedding. Ugh.

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wingless was still breathing at 5:28 PM - 0 comments

Monday, May 28, 2007

Happy Memorial Day

The long weekend came and went way too quickly. Paul came up and we went apartment hunting and thought we had found a great place until we came home and looked at the reviews which all screamed, "Horrible neighborhood, lots of prostitutes." And also, "Run by slumlords." So we decided to go with option number two which also got some bad reviews but mostly about thin walls, noise and mean property managers, but the lack of sex trade issues made it the winner.

Other than that we did a lot of running around and taking naps at random hours of the day and now Paul has probably landed in LA, my mom and grandma are flying to Taiwan tomorrow and the house will be generally empty which will make me sad and probably drink wine in the morning.

Luckily I'll be flying to LA this Saturday to deal with flowers/dress/DJ/hair/makeup and any other wedding issues that need to be addressed. Oh and driving Paul's car up because we're movin' on up!

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wingless was still breathing at 8:31 PM - 0 comments

Wednesday, May 23, 2007


So I know that as the wedding gets closer every bride has her freak outs about the wedding and how it's not going exactly as planned. And I totally promised myself I would not be one of those brides. And really, I don't think I am being one of those brides. My freak out is not about the napkins or seating arrangements or the flowers are wrong, oh my GOD the flowers are wrong!

Whatever, I barely even care about that stuff. Truthfully the only reason I planned this big wedding at all was for my parents and my family. Paul is pretty much in charge of all the nitpicky shit like picking out cake and flowers. I don't even like getting all dressed up and having people look at me. My dream wedding really would have been hot dogs on the beach.

So my mom might not be able to come to the wedding. And I'm feeling like, okay, what is the point then. I wish I could just cancel the whole damn thing except we've already put deposits down and all that crap so we're stuck. I'm stuck with a wedding I don't even really care about. I never felt like Paul and I needed all the pomp and circumstance, we love each other and to me that's more than enough.


wingless was still breathing at 9:33 AM - 0 comments

Monday, May 21, 2007

Now with more designs!

Hi. Not drunk today.

Not really.

(Okay, just a little).

Mailed out wedding invitations today and discovered that they require 58 cent postage, not 39 cents or 41 cents (postage went up y'all) as I mistakenly believed. So if your invite comes and it has eleven thousand stamps on it, blame the US Postal Service and its evil postage raising ways.

Anyway, my mom requires the use of the internet now so I'll catch ya later.


wingless was still breathing at 4:52 PM - 0 comments

Sunday, May 20, 2007

More proof that I've mastered the art of over-dramatizing

It may be all that pear liquor and red wine and other random things I might have ingested in my intoxicated state (DON'T JUDGE ME) but I'm exhausted and completely ready for bed. And fully aware of the fact that it is not even six yet. And also contemplating another glass of...something. I am not an alcoholic. Really!

I spent most of the afternoon trying to convince Paul not to put ridiculously expensive things on our registry and (mostly) succeeded. Although there is still a $1500 treadmill on there. And a lot of random computer parts. I tried. And being the lush that I am I convinced him we must have a wine rack. Must. Have. Also, memory foam slippers. And also a Kenneth Cole wallet because look how cheap! I'm probably making it sound like we don't have a lot of actual wedding registry type items on our registry but we do. I swear. Skillets and sauce pans and a lamp and a convection oven and all that good stuff.

Tomorrow my job search begins again in earnest. The advice I have been given by my mom and grandma mainly consists of "Take it easy, Paul has a job." I plan to take that advice. Pfft, yeah right. Anyone who reads this blog knows I am a basket case when it comes to looking for work. It's not because I necessarily really want a job per se, but just because I really, really hate rejection and tend to go all psycho obsessive in the face of rejection. I imagine "taking it easy" will consist of writing five increasingly desperate sounding blog posts a day about how I will never find a job and end up a bag lady in San Francisco.

Which doesn't even really make sense since Paul DOES have a job and at worst we will probably just end up living in a really crappy apartment on the wrong side of town and I will be too scared to even leave the house and so will just turn into a pasty white, mole-like animal who must be coaxed into sunlight with beef jerky treats or something.

Yup, that sounds about right.

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wingless was still breathing at 5:43 PM - 0 comments

A public service announcement

Currently feeling: Very disappointed in the pear liquor I bought on a whim during my last day in Paris because when am I going to be in France again?

And yes, it is 12:17 pm on Sunday afternoon DON'T JUDGE ME. I've also had three glasses of wine. California merlot. Which is sadly not measuring up to the 4 euro, corner market Bordeaux Superior I've grown accustomed to.

Note to parents/husband: Do not leave me with no food (other than a can of baby corn and two bags of Southwest Honey Roasted Peanuts), no car keys, lots of liquor and no cable television on a Sunday afternoon.

On the productive side I did finally add things to our wedding registry. Anyone interested in buying me us stuff can email me for the link.

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wingless was still breathing at 12:17 PM - 0 comments

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Odds and ends

Oh yeah, remember how last week I was rambling on about waiting for some news? Well. STILL WAITING.

There was a little flurry of news, but things are once again moving at the lightning speed of...a snail.


And if you were wondering, I did suck it up and email the recruiter with my availability. The funny thing is I couldn't do it until I had typed up a Microsoft Word document with responses to inevitable questions. Seriously? This Master's degree is bringing out the Type-A-Crazy in me.

Bah, okay, that's probably not true. Since my best friend in college, Jesse, has been telling me since forever to "calm the f*ck down."


Does anyone know of a good wedding DJ under $400 in the LA area? We've got one for $400 but we'd like to pay a little less if possible since it's a morning/afternoon wedding. Thanks!

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wingless was still breathing at 4:03 AM - 0 comments

Thursday, March 29, 2007

Going all Bridezilla on your ass

Hey we've got an officiant! Paul found one over lunch because apparently one of his coworkers does that kind of thing in his spare time so Paul booked him on the spot. Finally, after months of no progress, we can cross one thing off the list.

So I went a little Bridezilla just now and I'm not making excuses for it but oddly enough I feel it has something to do with my job search. I think I feel like that is so out of my control that I need to start focusing on something that is completely and totally in my control. And when Paul suggested that I should give a rats behind about what one of his frat "bros" wants (to bring a certain person I do not like as a date), I kind of freaked out.

First of all, we established from the beginning of our wedding planning that only people in committed relationships would be allowed to bring their significant others. No casual dates. No friend dates. Only people who are expressly invited are to be there. This is partly to save money and partly because I just don't like the idea of a bunch of random people at my wedding...since most of our friends were single when we first started planning I figured this would work out anyway. Maybe Paul worded it wrong but when he said, "_____ wants to bring ____ as his date anyway even if we don't invite her." It just completely rubbed me the wrong way and I flipped out.

I almost cried a little as I typed cuss words at him about how I don't give a flying **** what _____ wants because it's not his damn wedding.

But you see, I know it can't just be about that. There's no way I'd get that emotional over something that's really not that big of a deal. It's more about control. Supposedly, I get to control this wedding and since I can't control anything else in my life at this point, nobody better even THINK about taking that away from me.

Or I will eat you.

The only people who can tell me what they want in terms of this wedding are 1) Paul and 2) my parents. And that's it. If your name is not on that list, I DON'T CARE. I don't want Paul's "bros" thinking this is some kind of Lameda party or reunion or something.

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wingless was still breathing at 2:22 PM - 0 comments

And being caught in between all you wish for and all you see....

My website seems to be down but happily blogger is not so here I am.

I'm in a weird mood today.

I spent half the morning looking for a sweatshirt I wore a couple nights ago when I had too much wine/sangria/beer. Then I spent most of lunch thinking about where I could possibly have put it in my drunken state. Then when I got home from lunch I found it in my dirty clothes bag. I guess I was more sober than I thought.

In case you were wondering, yes I am still having major hyper-obsessive issues over not being able to find a job. I know that everyone is right and that it probably will be a lot easier once I am actually not 5,000 miles away from all the companies I am applying to...but somehow this does not actually make me feel any better. The psycho control freak in me is still flipping out and dying a little bit inside every time I check my email inbox to no avail. I know I need to calm down though or I'm going to make myself sick. Maybe I should try, I don't know, working on some schoolwork or something since I'm technically still in school and all.

Oh yeah, then there's that whole wedding fiasco. Who knew that these things don't just plan themselves? So far we have no DJ, no officiant (!!!), no cake, no flowers, no invitations, no flower girl dress, no rehearsal dinner...the list has pretty much not changed at all since three months ago. Oh wait, I did reserve a block of hotel rooms so if you're coming to the wedding and you need a place to stay email me and I'll send you the hotel information.

So uh, don't ask me about the wedding please because I don't know! In fact, don't ask me about much of anything because I don't know that either. Don't know where I'll be living in two months, don't know where/if I'll be working, and don't you dare ask me where.

Please believe I'm not a total mess, I just sound like one.

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wingless was still breathing at 8:28 AM - 0 comments

Saturday, January 20, 2007

This is why I'm trying not to take the whole "wedding planning" thing too seriously

Paul forwarded this to me this morning. Part of me wants to email them back and tell them I'm declaring it "Straight Asian Girl Wedding Day" and too frigging bad, but I think we're going to try and get the next beach over instead (which incidentally was the one we wanted in the first place, except someone else already has a permit for that day and they said they only give one out for each day, but too bad for them because SHE TAKES FULL RESPONSIBILITY so she has to be our bitch now) since I really don't want my wedding guests to spend the whole ceremony checking out the black gay guys prancing about in their rainbow g-strings. I swear. You can't make this stuff up.

This e-mail is being sent to you regarding your application (Permit #xxxxxx) for a wedding at _________ Beach on July 7. I called the phone number listed a few times, but continued to get voicemail and wanted to be sure you received this information as soon as possible.

Beaches and Harbors issues a permit for an annual "Black Gay Pride" event, with approximately 2,000+ people at Point Dume. We were awaiting confirmation of their 2007 date and I had a hold on June 30, but not July 7, as I had presumed it would be held on the earlier date. In hind sight, a hold should have been placed on both dates (6/30 and 7/7), releasing one of them upon confirmation. Since I alone work on this permit, Pamela Miller of my staff was unaware that their date had not been confirmed. We were just advised that the annual "Black Gay Pride" event will be held on July 7, 2007.

We work very hard to ensure that date conflicts do not occur and I must take full responsibility for this unfortunate situation. I am very sorry to send you this information and would like to work with you to schedule another date on this beach or, if possible, the same date on another beach under County control.

Lynn ____________
Head, Permit Section
Department of Beaches and Harbors


wingless was still breathing at 9:15 AM - 0 comments

Sunday, January 14, 2007

First dance?

Why don't you talk about it?
I know there's something on your mind
Well you go on and get a cigarette
I'll be waiting outside
The last few years have been much harder
Than we ever thought they'd be
I know you hate it when I say I'm sorry
But I'm sorry

There was never a point in our love
That I didn't love you
Not a point in our love
I always did
I always will
I always do
Love you still
I always would
How could I not hide?
Just look at us baby
We're kind of perfect

Well sometimes I get all wrapped up
Because I don't know who to be
Well you know when to be my security blanket
And when to uncover me
So let's just sit out on the back porch
And unravel everything
Someday these'll be our old days
Let's make them worth remembering

There was never a point in our love
That I didn't love you
Not a point in our love
I always did
I always will
I always do
Love you still
I always would
How could I not hide?
Just look at us baby
We're kind of perfect

Never planned on
Loving somebody so much
But I've always had pretty good luck baby

I always did
I always will
I always do
Love you still
How could I not hide?
Just look at us baby
We're kind of perfect
We're kind of perfect
We're kind of perfect baby

- Kacy Crowley, Kind of Perfect

I'm almost done with Dr. Laura's latest book, The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage and I don't know how but somehow this song found it's way onto my playlist (I think it came with my computer or something because I know for a fact I never downloaded it). This song reminded me of one of the key themes in her book, which is that marriage is really about the hard times and loving each other through them. This is not what most people think of when they think of marriage. We tend to think about the good times, the happy times, but all of those are a given. The good days are not what marriage is about because those are the days when it's easy to love your spouse. Marriage is about enduring through the bad times, the times when you hate the person almost as much as you love them. There is something amazing about the ability to persistently love someone even when you feel knocked flat on your back by that other person.

I think it's really important to remember this when you're thinking about getting married and I've promised myself that anytime I get angry with Paul I will think about three things I love about him before opening my mouth.

Anyway, I thought this might be a good first dance song even though it's not a completely happy lovey-dovey song, precisely because it isn't one of those songs that makes love into a fairy-tale. I think that is one of the biggest reasons for all the divorce nowadays - people think marriage is supposed to be easy and make your life perfect and that the other person will automatically know and fill all your needs. Marriage is about giving of yourself and sacrificing to make the other person happy because they will do the same for you. That is what makes a marriage kind of perfect.


wingless was still breathing at 3:36 AM - 1 comments

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Everywhere you go, there you are.

I've been trying to write something all day but I guess I can't quite figure out what I want to say. Last week pretty much wiped me out, but I'll tell you about that some other day. Maybe.

I can't believe I'll be in France in less than three weeks. To be perfectly honest I'm scared out of my mind. And no, the wedding is not planned, although thanks to my beautiful bridesmaid Lian the girls now have their dresses.

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wingless was still breathing at 6:24 PM - 0 comments

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