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"Being too charming was never one of my faults." - Kill Me Later
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if at first you don't succeed...
Yeah. I'm not even going to bother trying to make excuses for why I haven't been here in weeks. Chances are, no one cares! Life has been, oddly crazy and yet completely boring. I took level 1 last Saturday and it feels bizarre to come home from work and space out in front of the TV without those familiar pangs of guilt. In fact, I still have to remind myself that the test is over to quell the panicked feeling in my stomach. I suppose I could be proactive and start studying for level 2, but then I won't be able to use the "I didn't study enough" excuse if I don't pass it on the first try. Heh, just kidding, sort of. So wow, it's December eh? That was fast. What were my goals for 2009? Did I have any? Did I reach them? I'm not really sure. I feel as though I'm in just about the same place as I was twelve months ago so probably not. It's funny how we start every year thinking it will be different from the last and they usually aren't. And yet, I still do feel like maybe next year will be different, better, a year full of promise. A year of change (like real change, not hopeNchange). Here's hoping I don't get absolutely crushed.
Monday, November 16, 2009
I have been wanting to write. I have. Write about things beyond how many chapters I have (or haven't, mostly haven't) read. How much more studying I need to do despite the fact that I spend huge sums of my day doing absolutely nothing. I feel like life needs to change. I need to get out of this crappy studio apartment with no light and move into a place that is....a home. Of course this has absolutely nothing to do with studying. That is just my utter and complete failure.
Friday, November 13, 2009
So. My test is officially less than a month away now and I am starting to shift into full-panic gear. Or I'm getting there anyway. This did not prevent me from opting for hitting the bar rather than hitting the books after work yesterday, but well, what can I say? I am addicted to procrastination. I had my first nightmare about all of this the other night. I dreamt that I had about twenty days left til test day (oh wait...) AND I had a bunch of finals to take. Which I hadn't studied for yet either. And I actually hadn't been to two of the classes all quarter and had therefore missed all the midterms which meant I was conceivably already failing those courses. Which I needed in order to graduate. It was one of those dreams where you wake up with this feeling of horror and it takes a few minutes to realize that not only do you not have finals, you're not even in school anymore. Except then I remembered the whole CFA in less than a month thing and that tightness in my chest came right back just like that. Labels: CFA, to sleep perchance to dream
Monday, September 28, 2009
Two months. I have two months until I take my big test in December. Can I be honest with you for a minute? I have not studied in weeks. I am so unprepared for this test that pretty soon I will be having panic attacks and nightmares where I show up for finals and I haven't studied all semester. And I'm naked. I have always been one to rely on procrastination and my God-given ability to cram a lot of facts into my brain in a short period of time but somehow I feel this time that just may not work. Which is terrifying. This would literally be the first time in my life that I did not excel at a standardized test, much less not even pass it. And I am scared I won't. Pass. (It is scary to just write those words). Even with all of this fear, I'm not sure I have the motivation to come home from ten hours of work every day to study for another 6-10 hours. Because at this point that is what it's going to take. Hopefully imaginary people taunting me and the sad stench of failure will get my butt in gear. Come on, I can finish a book a week for the next two months. Yes I can! Labels: CFA
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