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Thursday, December 10, 2009

if at first you don't succeed...

Yeah. I'm not even going to bother trying to make excuses for why I haven't been here in weeks. Chances are, no one cares!

Life has been, oddly crazy and yet completely boring. I took level 1 last Saturday and it feels bizarre to come home from work and space out in front of the TV without those familiar pangs of guilt. In fact, I still have to remind myself that the test is over to quell the panicked feeling in my stomach. I suppose I could be proactive and start studying for level 2, but then I won't be able to use the "I didn't study enough" excuse if I don't pass it on the first try. Heh, just kidding, sort of.

So wow, it's December eh? That was fast. What were my goals for 2009? Did I have any? Did I reach them? I'm not really sure. I feel as though I'm in just about the same place as I was twelve months ago so probably not. It's funny how we start every year thinking it will be different from the last and they usually aren't.

And yet, I still do feel like maybe next year will be different, better, a year full of promise. A year of change (like real change, not hopeNchange). Here's hoping I don't get absolutely crushed.

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wingless was still breathing at 4:12 PM - 5 comments

Monday, November 16, 2009

why one should only blog when in full control of one's faculties

I have been wanting to write. I have. Write about things beyond how many chapters I have (or haven't, mostly haven't) read. How much more studying I need to do despite the fact that I spend huge sums of my day doing absolutely nothing.

I feel like life needs to change. I need to get out of this crappy studio apartment with no light and move into a place that is....a home. Of course this has absolutely nothing to do with studying. That is just my utter and complete failure.

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wingless was still breathing at 8:26 PM - 0 comments

Friday, November 13, 2009

oh crap

So. My test is officially less than a month away now and I am starting to shift into full-panic gear. Or I'm getting there anyway. This did not prevent me from opting for hitting the bar rather than hitting the books after work yesterday, but well, what can I say? I am addicted to procrastination.

I had my first nightmare about all of this the other night. I dreamt that I had about twenty days left til test day (oh wait...) AND I had a bunch of finals to take. Which I hadn't studied for yet either. And I actually hadn't been to two of the classes all quarter and had therefore missed all the midterms which meant I was conceivably already failing those courses. Which I needed in order to graduate.

It was one of those dreams where you wake up with this feeling of horror and it takes a few minutes to realize that not only do you not have finals, you're not even in school anymore. Except then I remembered the whole CFA in less than a month thing and that tightness in my chest came right back just like that.

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wingless was still breathing at 8:55 PM - 0 comments

Monday, September 28, 2009

yes we can?

Two months.

I have two months until I take my big test in December.

Can I be honest with you for a minute?

I have not studied in weeks. I am so unprepared for this test that pretty soon I will be having panic attacks and nightmares where I show up for finals and I haven't studied all semester. And I'm naked.

I have always been one to rely on procrastination and my God-given ability to cram a lot of facts into my brain in a short period of time but somehow I feel this time that just may not work. Which is terrifying. This would literally be the first time in my life that I did not excel at a standardized test, much less not even pass it. And I am scared I won't. Pass. (It is scary to just write those words).

Even with all of this fear, I'm not sure I have the motivation to come home from ten hours of work every day to study for another 6-10 hours. Because at this point that is what it's going to take.

Hopefully imaginary people taunting me and the sad stench of failure will get my butt in gear. Come on, I can finish a book a week for the next two months. Yes I can!


wingless was still breathing at 7:53 PM - 0 comments

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